About the author

I created this site in order to help other people who find themselves with similar problems.  Let me tell you how this all came about.

My fiance and I (together for seven years), now ex fiancee, were both looking forward to parenting our first child, however unfortunately it was not meant to be and she miscarried.  We were both devastated and it took a while to come to terms with.

Not long after, my father who I was very close to, passed away at only 57 from a massive heart attack.  I was shocked and again heartbroken, and knowing that he would never get to see me have children made it that much harder to bear.

I was understandably grieving both losses but coping as best I knew how, just getting on with life.  My late father who was disabled had instilled this attitude in me from childhood, so it was the only way I knew. 

Christmas came and without Dad around none of us was really looking forward to it.  To make things worse the family cat became ill on Christmas Eve and was unfortunately put to sleep.  I will always remember digging a cat size grave on Christmas Eve in my mum’s front garden (weird family tradition, before you ask : ) thinking that next year must get better, surely it cant get any worse.

 A couple of months into the new year and my fiance told me that she was no longer in love with me anymore and that she wanted to end our relationship.  This was the final blow for me, I am normally a very head strong optimistic positive person, but this knocked me for six.  I never saw it coming, I could handle losing dad (without sounding harsh death happens) but my fiance and I were meant to be together for ever, or so I thought, how could this be?!

I couldn’t cope and was close to suicide, I had let everything build up and this was the final tipping point, I could no longer see the positive side of anything.  I struggled to handle the miscarriage the loss of my father and now the break up with my fiance, on top of this i now had to think about finances and moving out and how this would change my life forever, it all felt too much.

 

I am very lucky to have a very close group of friends and family, which I spoke to a lot about my problems.  However I was careful not burden my family to much as they were still grieving my Dad and I felt that as much as my friends care for me I did not feel as though they new the grief and feelings that I was going through, don’t get me wrong their support was very much needed and appreciated, however I felt I needed further help.

So I tried one to one counselling for a few sessions but unfortunately did not find it that helpful.  I continued to look elsewhere for help and luckily came across a number of Internet sites that dealt with grief and break ups.  I read a lot of these sites and they really helped, what helped me most was knowing that other people out there are experiencing the same problems, or in a lot of cases worse problems than I.

 

When you are grieving the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship you can feel very alone.  But knowing that you are not alone and that nearly everyone on the planet has experienced the same problems or on many occasions’ worse, can feel very comforting. 

This gave me hope, I read lots of other people’s stories on how they survived some very traumatic times and how they now have a better life than before. 
What was very clear in nearly every example I read was how that person had become stronger and had learned a lot about themselves during that period of recovery. 

I am not a weak person and never have been as I have had a very solid and grounded upbringing (which I am eternally grateful for); however I think circumstances can push the boundaries of our own strength and sometimes we all need a little help.

For me all I needed was this little extra help, I have learnt a lot about myself over the last year.  I am now very happy with my life, maybe even happier than I was before all of this started.  I hope you find this site useful and it helps you with your own recovery.  Please, please don’t give up, you are more resilient than you think!! 

 

What am I doing now, I here you ask?

I know you didn’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway.  I have volunteered for redundancy from the bank that I work (yes I am a banker, not an evil one mind) to follow my dream of becoming a snowboarder instructor in Canada.  I’m off in January for a three month course and may stay out there a little longer. 

I have created this website and am also following my dream to invent a snowboarding product that people will hopefully really enjoy (sorry cant give you details yet), so i am busier than ever. 

Life could not be more different from my long term relationship and I am truely enjoying life again.  I have also met a lovely young lady who make me very happy, not serious (yet!) but we have a great time none the less.  I have no idea where I will be this time next year and that really makes me happy as my life has been structured for so long.  I do not regret any of this experience as I have learnt so much along the way.

 

None of us have a crystal ball and wouldnt it be boring if we did, but I truely hope that you learn from this experience and not dwell on the ‘what ifs?’ as it is so easy to do, but start to embrace life with the full passion it deserves again.  It probably wont be easy, but nothing worth having is.  I wish you good luck along the way.

 

 

 A big thank you to my family and friends who have been there for me throughout (without sounding melodramatic) your love and support knows no bounds and I am eternally grateful (sorry about all the bitching and moaning)