About the author
I created this site in order to help other people who find themselves experiencing a break-up, loss and heartbreak. Let me tell you how this all came about.
My fiancé and I (together for seven years), now ex fiancé, were both looking forward to parenting our first child, however unfortunately it was not meant to be and she miscarried. We were both devastated and heartbroken, and it took a long while to come to terms with.
Not long after, my father who I was very close to, passed away at only 57 from a massive heart attack. I was shocked and again heartbroken, and knowing that he would never get to see me have children made it that much harder to bear.
I was understandably grieving both losses but coping as best I knew how, just getting on with life. My late father who was disabled had instilled this attitude in me from childhood, so it was the only way I knew.
Christmas came and without Dad around none of us was really looking forward to it. To make things worse the family cat became ill on Christmas Eve and was unfortunately put to sleep. I will always remember digging a cat size grave on Christmas Eve in my mum’s front garden (weird family tradition, before you ask : ) thinking that next year must get better, surely it can’t get any worse.
A couple of months into the New Year and my fiancé told me that she was no longer in love with me anymore and that she wanted to end our relationship and break up for good. This was the final blow for me, I am normally a very head strong optimistic positive person, but the break-up knocked me for six. I never saw it coming, I could handle losing dad (without sounding harsh death happens) but my fiancé and I were meant to be together forever, or so I thought, how could this be?!
I couldn’t cope and was close to suicide, I had let everything build up and this was the final tipping point, I could no longer see the positive side of anything. I struggled to handle the miscarriage the loss of my father and now the break up with my fiancé. On top of this I now had to think about finances and moving out, we had lived together for five years or so, and how this would change my circumstances forever, it all felt too much to handle.
I am very lucky to have a very close group of friends and family, which I spoke to a lot about my problems. However I was careful not burden my family about my break-up to much as they were still grieving my Dad and I felt that as much as my friends care for me I did not feel as though they knew the grief and feelings that I was going through, don’t get me wrong their support was very much needed and appreciated, however I felt I needed further help.
So I tried one to one counselling for a few sessions but unfortunately did not find it that helpful. I continued to look elsewhere for help and luckily came across a number of Internet sites that dealt with grief and break-ups. I read a lot of these sites and they really helped, I was helped most by knowing that I was not alone and that other people out there were experiencing break-ups, and in a lot of cases worse break-ups and problems than I.
When you are grieving the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship you can feel very alone. But knowing that you are not alone and that nearly everyone on the planet has experienced a break-up and the same sort of problems or on many occasions’ worse, is somehow comforting.
This gave me hope; I read lots of other people’s stories on how they survived some very traumatic break ups and heartbreaking times and how they survived and now have a better life than before.
What was very clear in nearly every example I read was how that person had become stronger and had learned a lot about themselves during that period of recovery.
I am not a weak person and consider myself very headstrong as I have had a very solid and grounded upbringing (which I am eternally grateful for) with a network of good friends; however I think circumstances can push the boundaries of our own strength and sometimes we all need a little help. For me all I needed was this little extra help in reading others break up and grieving stories and how others coped.
I have learnt a lot about myself over the last year, and am so much happier now, happier than I was before all of this started. I hope you find this site useful and it helps you with your own recovery. Don’t give up, you are more resilient than you think!!
What am I doing now, I here you ask?
I know you didn’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I have returned from a long trip to Canada where I learnt to become a fully qualified snowboard instructor, it was amazing and I would never probably have done that, was it not for my break up.
I have created this website and am also following my dream to invent a snowboarding product that people will hopefully really enjoy (sorry can’t give you details yet), so I am busier than ever.
Life could not be more different from my long term relationship and I am truly enjoying life again. I have also met a lovely young lady who makes me very happy, not serious (yet!) but we have a great time none the less. I have no idea where I will be this time next year and that really makes me happy as my life has been structured for so long. I do not regret any of this experience as I have learnt so much along the way.
None of us have a crystal ball and wouldn’t it be boring if we did, but I truly hope that you learn from this experience and not dwell on the ‘what ifs?’ as it is so easy to do, but start to embrace life with the full passion it deserves again. It probably won’t be easy, but nothing worth having is. I wish you good luck along the way.
A big thank you to my family and friends who have been there for me throughout (without sounding melodramatic) your love and support knows no bounds and I am eternally grateful (sorry about all the bitching and moaning)
hiya i am going through a break up at the min, love the man so much but he has chosen the drug path and i am afraid i cant be with a man that is into drugs i dont touch drugs myself and i hate them. he says he loves me but wont go for help and to me that aint love, as i would do anything to help him, i have gave him chance after chance but now feel i have no option but to get on with my life i have my twins age 12 to think about. As much as i cant see my life without him in it i realy dont have a choice. my heart is breaking and dont know how i will get through this very hard time.
I think you are right in your decision especially if there are kids around to think about, you have to put them first. Its never easy breaking up, but if you have tried and tried at some point you have to make that decision. It does get easier, my advice is try to put your heart into something else that makes you happy and takes your mind off your situation. Talk to your friends and family they will be able to help you most. Good luck, Mike
thank you and good luck for you too! have a wonderful life x
I have just broke up with an old girlfriend from 7yrs ago. I am upset even though deep down in my soul I know that I am not in love with her. about a year ago I had a really bad break with my then fiancee due to drinking too much as i could not coupe what i thought was a forced engagement at the time. A year later i still think about my ex fiancee but have finally come to terms that it is over. I just want to know why I feel upset about splitting with my most recent girlfriend even though i know that we are not meant to be!!Is it because it has bought up some old memories of my fiancee and I breaking up??? please help as im going a bit nuts.