Comments on: My story http://www.over-it.co.uk Fri, 03 Feb 2012 00:41:07 +0000 hourly 1 By: Kirsty http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-1349 Kirsty Fri, 23 Dec 2011 21:43:21 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-1349 Lol to the comment above. It's so true, I'm a student midwife and have just done a sexual health module at Uni. The over forties are as promiscuous as teenagers due to divorcing once the kids are grown and reliving their youth. I'm thirty and my partner of ten years has been having an eight month affair with a 19yo! He also got her pregnant, I truly feel your pain Lol to the comment above.

It’s so true, I’m a student midwife and have just done a sexual health module at Uni. The over forties are as promiscuous as teenagers due to divorcing once the kids are grown and reliving their youth.

I’m thirty and my partner of ten years has been having an eight month affair with a 19yo! He also got her pregnant, I truly feel your pain

]]> By: susan http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-620 susan Sat, 07 May 2011 20:25:51 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-620 Try to email me. I guarantee we will be able to support each other. You are so young still Jenny. My sister is 48 andhas just completed a degree and is blissfully happy with a new man who adores her. Her husband had an affair too. He also went with prostitutes and left my sister and her two kids penniless. My other sister was bereaved at 42 and lost the love of her life. Shes now 50 and last year, at 49!!!! she married a lovely man she met on Dating Direct. So you see you have all the time in the world. Lots of lovely people are single now. Lots of people are divorced and lonely. This is the age at which we all have a new start. Theres millions of us. I have seen lots of my riends marry in their 20s and are now splitting up. The kids are grown and they have grown apart. Everywhere I see middle aged couples in love and I know that these people are not with their original partners. I see couples in their 40s and 50s kissing in dark corners of country pubs. We are all at it!!! We are all looking for someone new to love and age is NOT a barrier. If you were 65 you would look at a 45 year old and wish you were that age. It would seem so young. It is young!!!! I have a left arm full of scars from self harm but I have no trouble meeting men. I have to admit Im not really interested at the moment but the offers are there if I care to take them up. I prefer to be single at the moment. Even though Im terribly lonely. I am weak sometimes and vulnerable but I wont ever be with a man who has done what your ex has done. What would it take for you to do what he has done!!!. Its so low and mean. Its the behaviour of a teenager. Not a 50 year od man. You are the one with morals and standards. You are the lady. Ill or not, your soul is pure. You havent hurt anyone and unfortunately us ladies are often used by weak men. Thats why the majority of people in caring professions are women. We are nurturers by nature. Nurture yourself Jenny and your family. Dont be there for this twit. Send him on his sad way. Try to email me. I guarantee we will be able to support each other. You are so young still Jenny. My sister is 48 andhas just completed a degree and is blissfully happy with a new man who adores her. Her husband had an affair too. He also went with prostitutes and left my sister and her two kids penniless. My other sister was bereaved at 42 and lost the love of her life. Shes now 50 and last year, at 49!!!! she married a lovely man she met on Dating Direct. So you see you have all the time in the world. Lots of lovely people are single now. Lots of people are divorced and lonely. This is the age at which we all have a new start. Theres millions of us. I have seen lots of my riends marry in their 20s and are now splitting up. The kids are grown and they have grown apart. Everywhere I see middle aged couples in love and I know that these people are not with their original partners. I see couples in their 40s and 50s kissing in dark corners of country pubs. We are all at it!!! We are all looking for someone new to love and age is NOT a barrier. If you were 65 you would look at a 45 year old and wish you were that age. It would seem so young. It is young!!!! I have a left arm full of scars from self harm but I have no trouble meeting men. I have to admit Im not really interested at the moment but the offers are there if I care to take them up. I prefer to be single at the moment. Even though Im terribly lonely. I am weak sometimes and vulnerable but I wont ever be with a man who has done what your ex has done. What would it take for you to do what he has done!!!. Its so low and mean. Its the behaviour of a teenager. Not a 50 year od man. You are the one with morals and standards. You are the lady. Ill or not, your soul is pure. You havent hurt anyone and unfortunately us ladies are often used by weak men. Thats why the majority of people in caring professions are women. We are nurturers by nature. Nurture yourself Jenny and your family. Dont be there for this twit. Send him on his sad way.

]]> By: susan http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-619 susan Sat, 07 May 2011 20:11:14 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-619 Oh Jenny, You poor lady. Please dont think you are not young. Im 46 and alone and I dont feel old. You have so much ahead of you. I have been through divorce, he had an affiair, the break up a five year relationship, he left me and now Im alone again. Just me and my cats. I have long term depression, cant work and just have two kitkats to keep me company. I understand the emptiness, the lonliness is horrendous. Sometimes I just want to scream. Jenny your health is a big big factr in your situation. I realise that. However you must realise that youe ex has been so weak and selfish and has done the things he did because he is a poor excuse for a human being. My ex husband told me that he couldnt bear to be alone so he married his girlfriend asap rather than risk being alone. He was crying when he told me this. He said that he felt guilty as he had left me alone whilst he had someone to go as he was too cowardly to be left alone. You have given your ex an enormous outlet. he has used your kindness to bolster himself up. Take it away and he will crumble. Hes only coped so well as he has had you to lean on. You are the survivor. I am too. My mom told me I was like her, I am strong and I will survive. My mom had a hell of a crap life. Shes still here and shes happy. I have been suicidal in the past and have self harmed. You have a inite amount of strength and your ex is sapping it because he is needy. You must keep it for your own recovery. He is disgusting. You are not. When he is talking to you he is draining you. He isnt giving, he is taking. You see it as a chance to outlet your feelings but in reality hes doing it just for himself. The fact that you talked on Skype means that he wanted you to be there for him He wasnt trying to be there for you. He had sex with another woman who could have given him a disease, he didnt protect himself. He didnt protect you. If you were going to get back togehther he could have harmed you. The lodger is an immigrant yes? She will have leave to remain here i she is pregnant by a British citizen.He allowed himself to be used. What a complete idiot. I wish we could email directly. Im on ziggysue@fsmail.net. Oh Jenny, You poor lady. Please dont think you are not young. Im 46 and alone and I dont feel old. You have so much ahead of you. I have been through divorce, he had an affiair, the break up a five year relationship, he left me and now Im alone again. Just me and my cats. I have long term depression, cant work and just have two kitkats to keep me company. I understand the emptiness, the lonliness is horrendous. Sometimes I just want to scream. Jenny your health is a big big factr in your situation. I realise that. However you must realise that youe ex has been so weak and selfish and has done the things he did because he is a poor excuse for a human being. My ex husband told me that he couldnt bear to be alone so he married his girlfriend asap rather than risk being alone. He was crying when he told me this. He said that he felt guilty as he had left me alone whilst he had someone to go as he was too cowardly to be left alone. You have given your ex an enormous outlet. he has used your kindness to bolster himself up. Take it away and he will crumble. Hes only coped so well as he has had you to lean on. You are the survivor. I am too. My mom told me I was like her, I am strong and I will survive. My mom had a hell of a crap life. Shes still here and shes happy. I have been suicidal in the past and have self harmed. You have a inite amount of strength and your ex is sapping it because he is needy. You must keep it for your own recovery. He is disgusting. You are not. When he is talking to you he is draining you. He isnt giving, he is taking. You see it as a chance to outlet your feelings but in reality hes doing it just for himself. The fact that you talked on Skype means that he wanted you to be there for him He wasnt trying to be there for you. He had sex with another woman who could have given him a disease, he didnt protect himself. He didnt protect you. If you were going to get back togehther he could have harmed you. The lodger is an immigrant yes? She will have leave to remain here i she is pregnant by a British citizen.He allowed himself to be used. What a complete idiot. I wish we could email directly. Im on ziggysue@fsmail.net.

]]> By: Jenny http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-525 Jenny Sun, 10 Apr 2011 22:42:01 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-525 Thanks for this site. My boyfriend of 7 years has betrayed me. We have been very close and for most of our relationship have been able to talk about everything I thought we were great friends too. Sorry the story is long! A year and a half ago I was ill with Pneumonia and had a protracted recovery with ups and downs only to be told last summer that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My boyfriend had been supportive during the illness and we seemed to be ok as a couple, we don't live together and as I was tired a lot of the time around about september october I wasn't going over to his as just working and recovering after work so no socialising at all. He had some stresses with an aggressive lodger and had to evict him which meant he couldn't stay at mine for some time so there was a period where we saw each other little but kept in contact daily. I improved slowly and did visit (the crazy lodger had gone and another moved in about the same time but she was away when I visited). He also came to my place more often which I thought was because I was too tired a lot of the time and saved me some energy (CFS is a horrible condition). Things seemed to improve quite a bit after christmas and Jan/Feb. In Feb he went away on a trip to see extended and newly discovered family with his mum and step dad. We spoke on Skype every day. At the beginning of March my mum had a shock diagnosis of Kidney Cancer AND my Dad has been told he has a tumour that needs a biopsy on his prostate. Very stressful and frightening times. My mum is due to have her kidney removed shortly. A few days after this news my boyfriend phoned and said he had done a terrible thing to me that he had an affair with the new lodger and that she was pregnant. I was truely shocked and utterly devastated... now was when I particularly needed his support with my family news to cope with. He knew and knows me best no one else can do this job. I have now to be strong for my family. I cannot tell them now as they need to approach their surgeries without worries about me. He at one point said he will never forgive himself for kicking me when I am down. Things are very weird with the lady concerned. She has refused to pay him any rent (even though this pays the mortgage) and says when the baby comes she expects not to work. My boyfriend is now very stressed and I am his confidante as he hasn't told his family yet as he doesn't know what is going to happen with this lady and the baby. He wasn't sure it is his but the dates do fit but she was away at one point too. He said she knew from the outset that he had a girlfriend... (but both of them went ahead anyway). He has told me he is deeply sorry and it was an opportunity for sex when our relationship was vulnerable he said initially 'it' happened just after Christmas then (as I had to have health checks as she is from a high risk country and needed to know when first put at risk) said it was actually in September (when I was more immobile) so they had an affair for a few months. (she was away for most of december and half of november then he was away for most of february). He asked her to leave or pay rent - she has now paid the 3 months she owes and says she will terminate the pregnancy (but pregnancy is now nearly 4 months so quite late) I am not convinced. Also I don't know that I should be his confidante but as I cannot tell my family he is my 'outlet' and me his. He has made such a mess here. I cannot do what I would normally do to feel better as not of good health. I would go see friends after work and have a drink or go to dance classes or to gym. I cannot do these things yet because of my health. I am fatter than I used to be because of not exercising 3 times a week as I used to before I got ill and I am not young (45) he is 50! The lodger he has had an affair with is 30. So you can imagine how that makes me feel. All these things have made me feel terrible I have had my illness and my mum and dads and now the one area of life I could look to for help has been destroyed and I have been lied to for over 5 months. I can't bear this. I thought I had a friend and partner and I seem now to have neither. If my health allowed me more energy and I could start to socialise more it would help but how on earth do you ever get over betrayal from a trusted person and then trust another (especially as it will take some time to get strong enough to even consider dating). Weekends are the worst. I wish the clock could be rolled back and he could be here with me now. J Thanks for this site. My boyfriend of 7 years has betrayed me. We have been very close and for most of our relationship have been able to talk about everything I thought we were great friends too. Sorry the story is long! A year and a half ago I was ill with Pneumonia and had a protracted recovery with ups and downs only to be told last summer that I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. My boyfriend had been supportive during the illness and we seemed to be ok as a couple, we don’t live together and as I was tired a lot of the time around about september october I wasn’t going over to his as just working and recovering after work so no socialising at all. He had some stresses with an aggressive lodger and had to evict him which meant he couldn’t stay at mine for some time so there was a period where we saw each other little but kept in contact daily. I improved slowly and did visit (the crazy lodger had gone and another moved in about the same time but she was away when I visited). He also came to my place more often which I thought was because I was too tired a lot of the time and saved me some energy (CFS is a horrible condition).

Things seemed to improve quite a bit after christmas and Jan/Feb. In Feb he went away on a trip to see extended and newly discovered family with his mum and step dad. We spoke on Skype every day.

At the beginning of March my mum had a shock diagnosis of Kidney Cancer AND my Dad has been told he has a tumour that needs a biopsy on his prostate. Very stressful and frightening times. My mum is due to have her kidney removed shortly.

A few days after this news my boyfriend phoned and said he had done a terrible thing to me that he had an affair with the new lodger and that she was pregnant. I was truely shocked and utterly devastated… now was when I particularly needed his support with my family news to cope with. He knew and knows me best no one else can do this job. I have now to be strong for my family. I cannot tell them now as they need to approach their surgeries without worries about me.

He at one point said he will never forgive himself for kicking me when I am down.

Things are very weird with the lady concerned. She has refused to pay him any rent (even though this pays the mortgage) and says when the baby comes she expects not to work. My boyfriend is now very stressed and I am his confidante as he hasn’t told his family yet as he doesn’t know what is going to happen with this lady and the baby. He wasn’t sure it is his but the dates do fit but she was away at one point too. He said she knew from the outset that he had a girlfriend… (but both of them went ahead anyway).

He has told me he is deeply sorry and it was an opportunity for sex when our relationship was vulnerable he said initially ‘it’ happened just after Christmas then (as I had to have health checks as she is from a high risk country and needed to know when first put at risk) said it was actually in September (when I was more immobile) so they had an affair for a few months. (she was away for most of december and half of november then he was away for most of february).

He asked her to leave or pay rent – she has now paid the 3 months she owes and says she will terminate the pregnancy (but pregnancy is now nearly 4 months so quite late) I am not convinced.

Also I don’t know that I should be his confidante but as I cannot tell my family he is my ‘outlet’ and me his.

He has made such a mess here.

I cannot do what I would normally do to feel better as not of good health. I would go see friends after work and have a drink or go to dance classes or to gym. I cannot do these things yet because of my health.

I am fatter than I used to be because of not exercising 3 times a week as I used to before I got ill and I am not young (45) he is 50! The lodger he has had an affair with is 30. So you can imagine how that makes me feel.

All these things have made me feel terrible I have had my illness and my mum and dads and now the one area of life I could look to for help has been destroyed and I have been lied to for over 5 months.

I can’t bear this. I thought I had a friend and partner and I seem now to have neither.

If my health allowed me more energy and I could start to socialise more it would help but how on earth do you ever get over betrayal from a trusted person and then trust another (especially as it will take some time to get strong enough to even consider dating).

Weekends are the worst. I wish the clock could be rolled back and he could be here with me now.

J

]]> By: A L http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-263 A L Wed, 02 Feb 2011 20:19:54 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-263 Thank you for this. I'm going through something not dissimilar, in that my marriage broke down in a horrible way (he had serious mental problems), then Mum died, then I had the most ghastly breakup, far worse than the end of my marriage because I loved him far more and it really ought to have worked - just circumstances tore us apart. But this does make me think there may be some hope. It's the succession of events, in both this article and my life, which becomes so exhausting and so depressing. I feel like lack of support from family (for obvious reasons but also historic problems of being very dissimilar and not understanding one another) makes it harder to get over the heartbreak; and the lack of partner makes getting over Mum's death much harder. I don't have anyone to help me when I'm trying to face up to difficult emotions, and so it's hard to face up to them properly, so of course I don't progress. It feels like a vicious circle and I want something to break it, but I don't know what. Also lack of sufficient work in the recession isn't helping. Church helps keep me sane but I'm ashamed to say that faith isn't enough right now. Will let you know if I figure it out! Thank you for this. I’m going through something not dissimilar, in that my marriage broke down in a horrible way (he had serious mental problems), then Mum died, then I had the most ghastly breakup, far worse than the end of my marriage because I loved him far more and it really ought to have worked – just circumstances tore us apart.

But this does make me think there may be some hope.

It’s the succession of events, in both this article and my life, which becomes so exhausting and so depressing. I feel like lack of support from family (for obvious reasons but also historic problems of being very dissimilar and not understanding one another) makes it harder to get over the heartbreak; and the lack of partner makes getting over Mum’s death much harder. I don’t have anyone to help me when I’m trying to face up to difficult emotions, and so it’s hard to face up to them properly, so of course I don’t progress. It feels like a vicious circle and I want something to break it, but I don’t know what.

Also lack of sufficient work in the recession isn’t helping.

Church helps keep me sane but I’m ashamed to say that faith isn’t enough right now.

Will let you know if I figure it out!

]]> By: Claudia http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-228 Claudia Sun, 09 Jan 2011 13:34:28 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-228 Hi My husband and I broke up 2 weeks ago on christmas eve that is it's been like hell He's a foreigner (asian) and returned back to his country leaving me to deal with the divorce bills and everything else. I'm moving out soon as the place holds too many memories I'm still very numb and ideally I'd like him back. Oof that must sound very stupid... I know but maybe it will pass. Claudia Hi My husband and I broke up 2 weeks ago on christmas eve that is it’s been like hell
He’s a foreigner (asian) and returned back to his country leaving me to deal with the divorce bills and everything else. I’m moving out soon as the place holds too many memories I’m still very numb and ideally I’d like him back. Oof that must sound very stupid… I know but maybe it will pass.

Claudia

]]> By: angela a http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-222 angela a Tue, 04 Jan 2011 13:35:22 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-222 Hey there i am a week out of a breakup and when im struggling a bit to come to terms with it. However i am seeing friends tomorrow so that should help a bit. just want to return to my old self but i am finding it hard i just spend my days not doing much anyhow thanks for listening Hey there i am a week out of a breakup and when im struggling a bit to come to terms with it. However i am seeing friends tomorrow so that should help a bit. just want to return to my old self but i am finding it hard i just spend my days not doing much anyhow thanks for listening

]]> By: chez http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-217 chez Sat, 01 Jan 2011 09:10:53 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-217 i have just broke up with my husband who has been having an affair for 7 yrs a new year a new start. but it hrts like hell i have just broke up with my husband who has been having an affair for 7 yrs a new year a new start. but it hrts like hell

]]> By: Amanda http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-215 Amanda Thu, 30 Dec 2010 05:59:25 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-215 I have just broken up from a very destructive relationship and im devastated. He has choosen the life of drink and drugs and i cant be doing with it, I want a life free from drugs and exsessive drinking. How long does this last aaaarrrrrggggghhhhh its killing me I have just broken up from a very destructive relationship and im devastated. He has choosen the life of drink and drugs and i cant be doing with it, I want a life free from drugs and exsessive drinking. How long does this last aaaarrrrrggggghhhhh its killing me

]]> By: kats http://www.over-it.co.uk/about-the-author/comment-page-1/#comment-80 kats Fri, 03 Sep 2010 15:19:04 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=42#comment-80 I have just broke up with an old girlfriend from 7yrs ago. I am upset even though deep down in my soul I know that I am not in love with her. about a year ago I had a really bad break with my then fiancee due to drinking too much as i could not coupe what i thought was a forced engagement at the time. A year later i still think about my ex fiancee but have finally come to terms that it is over. I just want to know why Im so upset about splitting with my most recent girlfriend even though i know that we are not meant to be!!Is it because it has bought up some old memories of my fiancee and I breaking up??? please help as im going a bit nuts. I have just broke up with an old girlfriend from 7yrs ago. I am upset even though deep down in my soul I know that I am not in love with her. about a year ago I had a really bad break with my then fiancee due to drinking too much as i could not coupe what i thought was a forced engagement at the time. A year later i still think about my ex fiancee but have finally come to terms that it is over. I just want to know why Im so upset about splitting with my most recent girlfriend even though i know that we are not meant to be!!Is it because it has bought up some old memories of my fiancee and I breaking up??? please help as im going a bit nuts.

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