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Your breakup recovery stories

Please tell me your break up stories and how you recovered, or are recovering.  If you are experiencing a break up now, why not get it off your chest, believe me sometimes it helps, why not document your break up journey to full recovery by coming back and letting us know how you are getting on, your highs and lows.  And I don’t just mean in the short term, it would be good to know how this break up changed your life.  My break up really changed mine and I think I am a very different person because of it, so I would love to know how it is changing yours?

You will recover from your break up I promise, but by documenting this you will be surprised at how many people will take solace and inspiration from your story, just knowing that someone else is going through exactly the same type of break up emotions and experiences really helps other people and may help you by writing these feelings down.

If you are interested in doing this, please add your comments below and I will update permanently onto this page

42 Comments

  1. Joe says:

    I gave lectures in the evenings at a local secondary school, and also studied German. She was a German woman my age (31) who was the secretary at the centre. She’d been married very young to an Englishman, and had come to live in England when she was 17, although she was now divorced. She had a son of 14. We began going out together after she told me that her previous boyfriend had wanted to have other relationships. The sex was good, although one night I was really tired and fell asleep. I didn’t think it was that big a deal.
    She called me a couple of days later and told me her previous boyfriend had been inviting her out again and she was wondering what to do. I said that was up to her. I was supposed to pick her up for a date on the Saturday evening at about 19.00, but when I got there her son answered the door, and told me she was out and that she’d said I should call her. So I called her. Someone (obviously herself, in fact) picked the phone up, then when I said her name put the phone down, and I heard footsteps walking away, then other footsteps approaching, then her son picked up the phone and said she still wasn’t there. Okay, I can take a hint.
    I left it for many months, then one evening she called me and said “I haven’t seen you for ages.” I said “Yes, would you like to know why?” She said “I don’t want to talk about it. Just come and see me some time.” “Okay, I’ll think about it,” I said, although I had decided there was no chance I would have anything more to do with her romantically. A couple of weeks later she waylaid me as I came out of a lecture, and smiling very invitingly said “Are you going to come and see me soon?” I just said “We’ll see.” She tried phoning me twice more, and waylaying me once more. I always just gave ambiguous answers as I felt I didn’t owe her any more explanations than she’d given me. Eventually she got the hint – by which time I’d met someone else anyway.

  2. Jermimah says:

    30 yrs of my bestfreind, my soulmate, my rock, then a 2 yr affair behind my back, tried to work through things, but his heart wasn’t in it, I lost my job, my family, really struggling, and he wants to remain friends ? We have slept together a few times since and it’s been 2 1/2 month since he’s completely moven out, then today I find out he spent a few hours with the bitch yesterday, but he said he needed closure, see lied when he wouldn’t leave me and said she was carrying his twins, even went on to say she had them and they passed away 2days old, who does something like that, I was by his side through it all, but now he wants to find hiself doesn’t want us anymore, I decide not to see him, get angry,mother change my mind, I know I’m weak and just want to wake up in a few yrs and be over it, how do you go on, how do you find the strength ?

  3. Sssss says:

    So this is one of them big long stories , I met my ex when I was 12, we had the same friend group and all used to go out all the time , we ended up best friends , as we hit 3rd year in school we all kinda lost touch for a while , until my friend started having a thing with my ex’s friend , we quickly became very close again , only thing was that he was going to the army , I had always had a soft spot for him but never realised it was feelings until the first time I seen him when he came back on leave from his training , we had both grown so much in those short few months , we started going out most nights with our other pals , the night before he was leaving to go back to the army we were at a house party , we sat out the back door for ages talking , he walked me home and as he was leaving I hugged him so tight and never wanted to let go , it was clear to me by this point there was more feelings than just friends on both sides, I never wanted to say anything tho because of the army , and he had said before he never wanted a girlfriend because of the army,so I accepted that was the way it was gonna be.so I started trying to just let go of it , but every phone call made me fall more in love , i would get jealous over the tiniest things , and couldn’t say anything , he used to act like an arseholes a lot of the time, so I tried speaking to this other boy, we kissed and stuff but it never escalated further, once my ex came back again from the army I went and met him and we went a big walk , I told him about the other boy to try make him jealous I guess,didn’t seem to be working tho, he left again and I started going out with this guy who was a nut job in and out of jail and stuff , and one night he fell asleep and I just lay there thinking all I wanted to do was be with my ex , well guess I got my karma for that one cause he was cheating on me every weekend , I felt really crushed when I found it out thought nothing would ever go right for me , and I would never be with the person I wanted all cause of the army , but my ex started facetiming every night , we got closer and closer , one night he came down to mine to watch a film and we topped and tailed on the couch , was so awkward cause we both knew we wanted eachother but just neither of us said anything , he went home and went back to the army the next day , and I never heard from him for a week , I was reallllyyyyy confused , thought he was just going back to being an arsehole , until he facetimed at the weekend and admitted he had always had feelings for me and was going to wait until he came back from his deployment the following year to ask me out but he said he couldn’t wait any longer, so we were finally together c, I was over the moon , he was on exercise and would be home in 6 weeks again , so he phoned every night , I got really nervous about what it would be like us actually being a couple because we had been best friends for so long and I was so used to being in love with him and knowing I could have nothing more , and the worry started to kick in , my self consciousness , I hadn’t ever had sex before which I guess people might think is weird at 16 but my virginity was very important to me , I always seen it as something special , I always wanted to wait for the right person and the right moment , so I was sitting crying about being self conscious about my body one night , so I seeked a male friends advice , I told him my worries and he said to me I could show him what I meant , but I obviously said nah I can’t I have a boyfriend but I will show you what I mean off google images , so I sent him a picture of vaginas from google images asking if they looked normal (just picked the worst looking ones I could) he told me it looked normal and that was fine , in the end that destroyed my relationship , so obv me thinking nothing of what just happened waited the 6 weeks for my ex to come home , once we were finally together it was the best I had ever felt , so much fun , I was just so in love with him it was ridiculous , on my birthday we went to the cinema and I went to stay with him, I remember all the butterflies I got in my stomach on the way up as the two of us sat in the car talking about Star Wars like geeks , I lost my virginity with him that night , and it was as special as I had always imagined it , by then I wondered why I was ever so self conscious in the first place , he was amazing about everything , we spent Christmas and new year together , I met his family and he met mine , I grew close with his mum, she is the nicest woman ever always made me so welcome , however during all the time we spent together we both knew a storm was coming , the fact he had to go to Iraq. January came and he had to leave to go back to the army , I stood in hysterical tears , holding onto him as tight as I could , I couldn’t look back at him as I walked away , I was miserable , we were both miserable all week , texting eachother how much we missed eachother , and he decided he was coming back home for the weekend , I was so over joyed , so the plan was that he would get a taxi to mine and we would go to his straight away , but when the time came he said he was going to an 18th first , I was a bit disappointed that he wouldn’t want to come straight and see me , but I let it slide and told him it was fine , he appeared at my door at 1 in the morning drunk , I was annoyed but I had missed him that much that I went up to his , it was such a good night , and the next day I stayed in his all day, when it came time to leave him again I couldn’t bear it , I knew I had to be strong , again I couldn’t watch him walk away , it was hard enough standing looking at the most important person to you and knowing they have to leave you for months on end and you don’t even know if they’ll be safe . The next day as he was in the car going back to the army he messaged me telling me he had no feelings and that he hadn’t had feelings for weeks , I was soul destroyed , I started screaming and crying , the next night he facetimed me nearly crying and said he wants to be with me all the time and he hates it cause it’s too hard cause of the army and that he loves me and doesn’t want to move on but he doesn’t wan to be with me and he doesn’t know where his heads at , I felt a bit better but even worse cause I knew he was hurting , the day after that he text me and told me he only split up with me cause he was scared I would cheat on him whilst he was in Iraq , I assured him it would never happen in a million years , the day after that he text me and told me he didn’t have feelings for me and that he only said all that stuff cause he felt sorry for me , my heart just ripped in two , I didn’t understand how you could go from having sex with someone all weekend and telling them you miss them all week to being so horrible and twisted , but after he said all that he phoned my pal and admitted to her he loved me and the whole reason he was doing this was cause he didn’t want to hurt me and didn’t want me waiting about on him and stuff , he phoned me soon after and we sorted it and got back together , pretty crazy me taking him back after hurting me like that yeah ? The next weekend I went down to stay with him in the barracks , we had a great time , but it came the day I had to get a train back home , we stood in the train station holding onto eachother for absolute ages , I couldn’t stop the tears , the last thing we said was I love you , and this time , I watched him walk away , every single step away my heart ached more and more, I sat on the train and the further away I got the more my heart ripped apart , from then on I started counting the days until he would come home , he flew for Iraq on Valentine’s Day , great day to go right ? but every single night I marked down the calendar , I used to sit in my room and just cry , wondering if he’s safe , he facetimed every time he got the chance , ended every conversation with I love you , half way through march he told me he was coming home in April for his r and r , I have never felt so relieved in all my life , the constant knot in my stomach was slowly going away , I set a countdown for his r and r , and it came the day he was back , he came to mine about 10 in the morning ,and there was no better feeling than lying in bed with him , just me and him , what I had waited for the last 3 months , he went to the pub that night and got me later , we had the best night in his , everything seemed the same as it was before he left , but I was wrong . He started going very distant , he went out drinking all night one night and never texted me at all left me sitting up waiting until nearly 4 in the morning , we went up to his and he slept with me and the next morning he got out bed and never said a word , used to wake me up every morning with a cuddle and he never even touched me went straight down the stairs , I went down to get him and asked if he was ok he said he was just hungover , I stayed that night even though I don’t think he wanted me to , and I burst out crying asking why he was being so off I said I felt the only time he cared was when he was steaming and had nothing else to do etc , he just got raging with me and said I was being stupid as fuck , the next day he walked me home and then I never seen him for 2/3 days , he never bothered to come see me , 2 days before he was leaving I asked him to take me out for dinner so he did it , we had a decent night , went back to his and he slept with me , but then said I had to go home , so I couldn’t stay the night with him, half an hour after sex and I was popped home , lovellyyy Then the next day was his last day home for his r and r , he went out with his pals until midnight then decided to get me , but even when he got me he wasn’t acting very bothered at all , we ended up sleeping together during the night tho , but he had been barely talking to me all night , guess I just wanted to try and be back to us again , so the next day when he was leaving , I cried as usual , but he held on a little less long than he usually did , it was as if he wanted to leave me as soon as he could , so he went back to Iraq and the weirdness never stopped , he facetimed about 3 times in the duration of the 3 months and every time he would message it was 1 word answers as if he never even wanted to talk to me , I just used to think we would go back to normal when he was back looked forward to the holiday we had planned and booked etc , he got back from Iraq early and was down in the army barracks , he would only FaceTime when he was drunk ( and that was most nights he was drunk) one night he FaceTimed and I told him my male friend asked me to go watch a film at his house , my ex wasn’t happy and facetimed me back later that night with his pals (who had already been mailing me about it) and just to clarify I never went to watch a film and I stopped speaking to this pal because my ex was deployed and I felt so bad so I used to not go get him or that anymore , and my ex and his pals were all going on at me on FaceTime , my ex asked about the time my pal asked me for a picture right , and I told him about the google images picture thing remember ? And he went ape shit was calling me alsorts down the phone split up with me and blocked me off everything , how stupid yeah ? Worth being angry n having an argument , but not this , I did a stupid thing that I never thought through , the pictures weren’t in a sexual way at all , my ex knows that tho , him and all his pals screaming at me down FaceTime was shit , he then came home for his now 6 week leave , right now he is on holiday (you know the one me and him were going on ?) yeahhhh that one , he’s been out drinking none stop and hasn’t even spoken to me , no doubt our having sex with other people etc , it’s been a month and I still feel just as broken as I did at the start, I have him everything , my best friend and my first ever proper love , guess I just have to try be positive , but the thought of anyone else makes me feel sick , like I don’t want to talk to him because of what he’s done and how he’s acted , but I’m so stupidley in love with him , but yeah that’s my story , hope some people can relate and it also helps get it off my chest writing it all down , stupid immature story

  4. Dyllan says:

    We meet in middle school when one of my friends started dating her best friend. We started talking but never actually dated because I felt like I could do better. Freshman year I toyed with her emotions and hurt her pretty bad until the day her father was shipped to Germany because he was in the military. We stayed in touch for awhile and I confessed how I felt about her and how I regret not ever giving her the chance, at the time I was so stupid and was focused on Sex. Senior year came around and I got a random text from a number I didn’t have saved saying “good luck on your football game tonight I’ll be in the stands watching” I had no clue who it was and she told me who it was and I was in total surprise. I asked her to hang out after the game and she said yes that she couldn’t wait. I hadn’t been so nervous to hangout with someone in such a long time. We started dating shortly after that night and about 3 months into our relationship she was being forced to move back to Germany. I told her not to worry about anything and that I wasn’t going to give up. At first it was difficult but it got easier around the 3rd or 4th month after she left it was so entirely good that I bought her a promise ring, we talked everyday we texted, we would skype, we even would sleep on the phone together because that how much we missed one another. But then things started getting hard, harder than I had ever imagined. But we seemed to start having a good time again and I asked her to marry me, I know we were young but I was ready to be with her for the rest of my life and she said yes. I fought for her every second of every day and never gave up. After that we were off and on for a little while until the summer, that’s when it ended. She broke up with me, but when she was in town visiting before she left for college we hung out and she told me how big of a mistake it was and how she never loved anyone as much as she loved me. Once she left for school that very next day she said that it wasn’t ever gonna be and that I couldn’t make her happy anymore. To this day 2 years later she is married and has a beautiful baby girl and I’m just as in love with her as I was the day she left for Germany the second time. She doesn’t know this and she probably won’t ever know because I am happy that she is happy and has everything she could ever dream of having.

  5. JJ says:

    Maybe it was my first adult relationship or maybe it was because I was young and naive. It was about 10 years ago when I started University and was first living away from home.
    Boys never really fascinated me that much, through out my teens years I have had amazing friends, both girls and boy, most of them I am still friends with despite the changes after school life we have always kept in touch-most of them-good ones that now actually feel like family! I spent most of my time then with lovely friends enjoying laughter’s, silly jokes and amazing night outs, and that’s all mattered- the joy of being young when nothing else was important!

    So I was not one who was particularly interested in boys or dating like many of my teenage friends were, I never even gave much though of it. Not till I met him, I was 18 he was 19, he was a close friend of my housemate. We were introduced when my housemates and I were heading out for dinner and so was him alongside his housemate, from the bunch of about 11 boys I think, I thought he looked good. That was about it, he then use to call our apartment to speak to my housemate about their arrangements to go home on the weekend together (they were neighbours). Somehow from that calls, I and him became friends, I can’t remember exactly how I got his number or vice versa. We decided to meet by the pool by our apartment just to casually hang out, the first time he twisted his neck or something and could not move his neck, and it was indeed a fun night. We had numerous nights like this spending the whole night gazing on the sky full of stars and talking about everything and anything. There were also occasionally date nights-memorable ones- rented car broke down- friend came to rescue- despite all that I remember he feeding me my favourite baskin robin pint of ice cream, and lied/or not that the toffee piece was heart shaped that’s why he fed it to me. We never quite said I love you or those things, we knew we had to part soon, after my 1st year I was moving to a different branch of my college.
    I knew it too, never quite talked much about it or any plans or us. I did mention to him that I did not want a long distance relationship. Early on the day my dad came to help me move and vacate, I remember seeing him to say bye, I was sad but nothing I didn’t expect. I was excited to move.

    He did come and visit me in the first few months itself, which I never thought he would! I was beyond happy and I did not realize I missed him so much till I saw him that day. We always had so much fun, in this relationship I now realized, I was always honest, true, open, simple, content and had never been in such relationship ever since. Life and its journey have changed me a lot. Within 6 months he had already moved to the apartment next to my block, I did not why or how, and really I was not that nosy, I knew he joined a nearby college, I did not question much as it did not matter. Being in love so naïvely to me is pure love and if you are lucky you get to experience it once in your lifetime. I believe in many forms and types of love, this to me was the best. We of course had our downs to, but good times were great. There are no words that can describe or narrate the love/life we shared which is unique in every relationship one encounters. But like all great love stories (many remain untold), this to had to come to an end. It was the most awful thing, it was the most difficult thing to get over and I thought I will never move on. Around 3-4 years living with him, we went to cold silence for years. I was not sure what happened and has happened, and will happen with us. Well that was that, what happened was we parted ways in the ugliest way possible- given the fact of the beautiful love we shared. An utter shame to the love we shared, and but we were young and dumb. Funny how things turn out, recently after like 7 years we started communicating as he is engaged and getting married in like 3 months. I have fully moved on and beyond, our time together was something beautiful that I have wrapped beautifully and locked it somewhere inside me, I thank god that it happened and I wouldn’t change a thing. As I sit across him now I realized we are the same person yet different. He was my best friend and a lover that I think I never myself told him how much I used to love him. Weirdly hearing that he is getting married to this woman, who I know is a gem of a person I am happy. How is that possible? 7 years back I thought I was going to die from the heartbreak. Life is indeed weird; I love him, always did and always will, it was such a naive relationship at its purest! But I won’t change the present. For me he was my first love and he will always hold that special place in my heart. But for everyone who is going through a heart break and it seems like your world is coming down, hang in there. As cliche as it is, time heals everything, and one day you will look back and be grateful for the good memories.

  6. Renee says:

    The lady I was dating told me that I did not even deserve to be with her…that I wan not able to impress lady like her.This hurt me alot,after thinking about how much effort I put just to make her happy.
    2days later she texts me,telling me how much she regrets saying all that to me ,and that she actually realized she is the one who doesn’t deserve me.
    But I feel heartbroken and down-spirited.

  7. Jacob says:

    hi break up’s coming out of nowhere. I have just experienced that again. My first love left me for long distance relationship , that was when I was 17, and 17 years later, and after bad marriage when I thought, that I finally found love of my life and I thought I am mature and experienced that nothing can again happen , It did happen. Blown in my face. Two years of love , trying and great time , and again because of distance. I had to go back to my country as my business went bad and I had to find new way for living. Of course girl waited me for 10 months , Skype every day, my jealousy, and other mistakes. Well I was depressed during that year as I wanted to come back as fast I could but I just could not find anything with what I could make good income. Until I finally found, I did 5 months research and trials and found exactly what I was looking for and same time I lost the girl.

    So, obviously it hurts very much , as I only want to be with her and as man provide for everything so my reason for long separation. but girl 10 years younger had obviously other idea.

    So now I am during second 30 days NC , after first 30 days I have contacted her and I thought I was stable, she communicated with me and said yes you have changed, blah blah, than I went emotional again and lost it , start to beg and other stupid stuff. So she blocked me from all communication. After reading many break up websites and watching videos on youtube I realised that obviously I wasn’t ready to talk with her.

    Now I am realising that I don’t need her anymore, and getting day by day better. Its a long distance relationship i mean like from one continent to another, so if I ever now consider to go back to her I need to really thing about it and thanks to no contact it is possible to think clearly. I am realising that maybe I don’t want to even try to contact her again , probably after 2 weeks I will not care at all.

    I realised that if person break up with you , you need to show her respect , she makes adult decision than take it on your chest and bear the consequences. If you believe that you don’t love me anymore than so be it. You are weak not me. You lost the game not me. I only gained better me , I found new way for business, I did go t gym and broke new personal record in running, I see change in me. I am happy person, although sometimes i still have moments of weakness but is getting better everyday.
    She made me realise my full potential just when I needed. the relief that I don’t have to anymore to think of her to come back to her country become enormous. I care only about myself now how to get better in what I do and soon will be able to get in to new relationship.

    break ups are painful but they make you realise amazing things which you would probably never seen in yourself. They change you forever and make you stronger. We all should have few break ups in early lives so we don’t get disappointment later. There is no break up proof formula but at least you can recognises some signs early enough.

    wish good luck to anybody who is going through pain now, but believe me , focus on your self, you are the one who is the most important right now, she left you , she doesn’t care,
    use to your advantage, you will realise new things. happy recovering guys.

  8. Ravi Giri says:

    It was when I felt for the love during my higher studies in another state. I never wanted to fall in love until I was sure that it was the one and only one. Finally the girl convinced and I fell for her. everything was planned but then one fine day she informed her marriage is fixed by parents in haste. i shattered completely but with brave heart I said its ok. Few days later she blocked me in every social sites which was more of pain because I had not reacted rudely to her or her parents.
    after few months while I was still recovering from heart break she messaged me all of a sudden and asked for patch up. After being sure she had called off her engagement I agreed After two years of relation when I had started seeing life with her and when I was about to settle with job just a few days later, she again called off our relation for reason I eas not intersted upon. I learned she had moved ahead with her relation with an Airforce officer.
    One month have passed she seems to have moved ahead with him but i still cry daily in loneliness, I still cant concentrate in work, I still am endored with lot of question.

    however i console myself saying that I am the best of myself and someone best is yet to be found for me. I strongly believe in god and my faith upon him is the only stick I can hold to live.

  9. Linda says:

    I am still heartbroken…after 16 1/2 years and two boys raised (his), my ex decided he was “done”. I am 55 and he is 50, I had no advanced warning. Now he has his uncle and uncles fiance living in our house.
    His family was mine before we ever became a couple, even his mother loved me. I am in so much pain and know I should move on (it will be a year on August 27) but I love him so much and I’ve done all the stupid things that you shouldn’t, begging, looking for excuses to see him etc. We weren’t married should have been first clue after that long. Anyway I don’t know how to get over him. Please help!!!

  10. Ray says:

    Hi All,
    I found this website while browsing for some ‘self-help’ post break-up recovery tips, so I thought I’d share my feelings…
    8 weeks ago my partner of 2.5 years texted me on a cold and wet Friday morning to inform me that “she now questions everything we have together” and that she “doesn’t want what I do anymore.”
    In effect: it was over. Three weeks before this she’d sent me a valentine’s card, a fluffy teddy bear and told me “this time next year, we’ll be married!”
    A lot had clearly changed in three weeks!
    I sensed something was up a good few days before: text messages became rather too short, they didn’t ‘say’ very much and she started making excuses as to why she could not meet me for our usual pre-arranged weekly dates. However, it was a shock. I’m 42 and I hadn’t felt that awful ever before. I lost weight (1 stone!), I had a permanent ache in the pit of my tummy and for the first time in years I found it all too easy to cry…I got up one morning to go to work (I’m a lecturer) and I literally fell back into the bed in a flood of tears. It was beyond anything I’d ever experienced: the grief was immense.
    I live alone and the nighttimes were the worst times: no text messages, no one to talk to and I was haunted by the (certainly false) belief that I wouldn’t love somebody that way again. All I could think about were the ‘good’ times we had together, and kept playing (over and over) where and why it had gone so wrong. When I tried to contact her for ‘closure’ – I was stoned-walled. Truly, I was seriously concerned that I was becoming depressed. Daily (sometimes hourly!) Face book visits did nothing to ease my pain, hurt, grief and anxiety!
    After a month I decided to seek some proper help. There is a debate within the psychiatric world as to whether grief is a form of depression and whether it should be treated as such – but I chose to go for counselling over medication – and I’m starting to feel better! IT DOES GET BETTER! If I tell you this, you must believe me.
    What I’ve learnt is this: no contact is vital; stay away from twitter and facebook and don’t attempt to change your ex’s mind. Research has shown that people who contact their ex-lover feel much worse than those who do not. I tried and it was a mistake!
    Although you may feel that your ex-partner was ‘the one’ there is no one person who is ‘the one’ – only ‘a best fit.’ Your ex was ‘A’ special person, not ‘THE’ special person! – There are 6 billion people on the planet and YOU haven’t met them all: there WILL be others, even if you don’t feel this right now.
    Try rationalising irrational thoughts: rather than thinking, I’ll never meet anybody else – consider that (in all probability) you WILL! Neurologically, the brain reacts to rejection (being dumped) in two phases: protest and despair – these are natural physiological responses to rejection. Feeling anxious, crazy thoughts, obsessive thoughts, pacing up and down, wanting to call him / her (just for a chat!) followed by a sense of loneliness, helplessness, tearfulness and ‘depression’ are the results of these processes. But they are self-limiting – they diminish with time! The fear you feel of being ‘alone forever’ of ‘not loving anyone that way again’ and the separation anxiety you may experience will all (slowly) disappear, I promise. They are for me!
    8 weeks ago I really thought that I couldn’t go on: nothing seemed to matter to me; not my family, friends, hobbies or my job. Every day was hard; every footstep a challenge. I hated everybody for being so ‘happy’ and normal…I was in a dark place. And (of course) when we grieve we want those people who mean the most to us to be around us…however, THAT person had left me, so I had to grieve her loss without her!
    I’m finally feeling better now: the days are still hard but I feel the hope that soon I’ll be able to think about her without feeling so damn terrible! When I foolishly tried to re-contact her I was given the same massage: it’s over and that hurt, so why now waste more of my time worrying about somebody who (clearly) doesn’t care THAT much about me? She told me the valentine’s card was “a bit of fun”!!!
    She wasn’t and isn’t worth it! I’m better than she is, and I deserve better too! And YOU are better than your ex!! Once your heart (and brain) have healed a little and you have moved beyond the initial neurological reaction to rejection you will (WILL) see and believe this and start to feel better! It takes a different amount of time for different people – we’re all different but I promise you; IT DOES GET BETTER.
    Love you all;
    Ray

  11. will says:

    crikey michael, you carried on when many wouldve given up.. to lose family, pets, cash and a mrs at the same time, credit to you for getting back on track..

    yes im currently trying to heal after splitting in february (moving out of our apartment we shared).. its hard to imagine myself with anyone else and any rebounds just end up making me worse.. plus i hear she is seeing someone new which feels like a triple knot in the stomach now!
    we are both from the uk but live in sydney so my family is on the other side of the world..
    ive lost my girlfriend, apartment, have very little money and trying to piece together what it is i should now do with my life.. its very hard.. we were in contact for a while after the split which actually enabled her to move on in stages and left me with false hope and further heartbreak..

    after a farewell meal 3 1/2 weeks ago, i have not emailed or spoken to her once.. im hoping not having her in my life will heal the scars although the temptation to get in touch with her is overwhelming at times..

    post break up ‘lads’ nights out and everything that goes with that, as much as it can help in the short term, also doesnt do much good for the wallet or health.. so plan to take some time out and just get my head straight and play some golf!

    michael youre an inspiration and it makes me feel very humble with my minor problems. i hope everything is working out for you..

    keep strong everyone.. the sun is still shining and theres still a chance we can all be happy..

    thanks
    will x

  12. Michelle Masakova says:

    It’s been 20 days since my boyfriend and I broke up, which means today could have been my 10 month anniversary with him. The first day I met him on December 1st I well knew that there would be a connection between us, we were that couple that everyone wass jealous of us. They wanted what “A” and I had . We talked every single day, met his parents and at one point we were planning to “lose it”. We talked about the future a lot , talked about what we would have named our kids . Then the summer came along, we saw each other only twice. And well that ruined us, we were slowly fading away. I cry every single day because I just want him back, everyday I would wake up in the morning feeling that something is missing in my heart. I hate it , but I know in time I will heal . I just don’t know how much longer am I going to deal with this pain. We used too have this thing ” m+a=forever and always ” , but now it’s nothing.

  13. JJ says:

    Just found this website and what a great place it is! It is so reassuring to know there are others out there going through the same thing.

    This is the 3rd time I have had my heart broken so you would think I would know what to do by now but this time is different.

    It is now 3 weeks since my bf delivered his bombshell, I had no idea it was coming. He was the love of my life we had been together 4 years and we had the most wonderful exciting life. One night he phoned me (as he did every night we were not together) and said he needed time out of the relationship as his feelings for me had changed. There had been no indication of this, I asked why he had still been telling me he loved me if his feelings had changed – he said out of habit. I went into shock – couldn’t eat, sleep, function at all. Nothing he said made any sense they didn’t fit with the facts as I saw them.

    I did all the usual things talked & talked with family & friends, rang the Samaritans when I felt suicidal. There were so many unanswered questions & he wouldn’t answer the phone & only replied to my text messages by saying “Sorry I’ve hurt you”. I e-mailed him after 2 weeks & said I needed to know what the situation was. Eventually he replied & said the time he had spent apart from me had only confirmed that he no longer loved me. We arranged that he would bring my things back today & I got sleeping pills from my doctor to help me cope.

    Last night I was very ill so I texted him this morning & said please don’t bring my stuff over today as I am ill. He texted back saying “I am sorry but I need time to get my feelings sorted out”. This has totally confused me again as I thought from what he said last week that we were definitely finished. It seems that now he is just playing mind games with me. I have just texted back “I will let you know when you can bring my things over”. I don’t know what is going on & he seems more confused than I am.

    How do I re-build my life (again, the previous breakups were with different guys) when he keeps dropping hints that he might change his mind?

  14. YellowRibbon says:

    It’s been almost 2 months since my “ex bf” broke up with me, let’s call him Bo. Bo is my first love and first boyfriend. We were together for six years. We’ve been slowly drifting the last few months but I never thought we would break up, I figured it was part of being in a long term relationship. Up until a couple of days before he broke things off he would still tell me that he loves me and we spoke on the phone everyday and texted constantly. To say that I was blind sighted is an understatement. When he broke up with me, we were both calm and spoke rationally. Perhaps I was in denial. I also thought that he needed some space to think. After a week I decided to talk to him so we can work things out. He said he doesn’t wanna try anymore. He told me his feelings have changed and that he met someone a couple of weeks ago who made him realize that if he’s not happy in the relationship why try? That was our last conversation, I deleted him from my phone and blocked him on facebook after that. I was very upset and could not function well. Around three weeks later a common friend of ours told me that he posted a photo on facebook with his new girl. I was furious. It wad barely a month since we broke up and already he has a gf. It was also humiliating because we had a lot of common friends. My family are also his fb friends. I felt like he disrespected what we had together and he disrespected me. He was a good guy when we were together and I couldn’t understand how that guy that I loved for 6 years could do something so shameless. Common friends have told me that there are a lot of posts to that nature. It appears like the new girl has been waiting around for him for sometime. Saying things like “waiting is over” and “patience is a virtue”. I’m still in pain by what happened. I feel replaced, cheated on abandoned and fooled. I gave everything to this person. I’m also hurt by the fact that while I’m crying my heart out he has happily moved on. He did not even felt the pain of loosing our relationship. Granted he has fallen out of love, but don’t our relationship deserve to be grieved? I am better compared to the way I was last month. But I still think of what happened 90% of my waking day. I still cry about twice or thrice a week. I’m getting tired of having this pain inside my chest but I’m trying to get over it. I started a journal, I read self help articles, I watch feel good movies and listen to moving on songs. I also started running and yoga. I have good days now, my good day is when I feel thankful for the breakup don’t feel like crying. I also pray more and talk to God, I tell myself that things happen for a reason. This breakup is making me stronger and helping me grow as a person. I believe that one day I will be fully healed and be ready to love again. I also promised myself that I will not rebound and that I will never get back together with my ex. I still love him and honestly I want him back, I want the old us back BUT what he did to me was too much. an overlap is cheating and cheating is a deal breaker. In my mind, the person that I knew and once loved has died the moment Bo cheated on me. My mind is ready to move on, my heart is just trying to catch up

  15. Anonymous says:

    Me and my boyfriend of 10 months have broken up almost a month ago. He is my first love, and when we were together he told me I was his. Everything was so good, up until may. I decided to get the contraceptive implant & as a side effect of it I became depressed. My mum also suffers with mental health issues and things at home had started to go down hill again. Before I had realised the implant was to blame for the depression, 2 months had gone by, but finally I had the implant removed. My self confidence has gone down to 0 and I became extremely paranoid and anxious about everything. I had the implant removed, but nothing seemed to have changed, the damage had been done and things at home werent helping the situation. I was put on anti depressants and they slowly began to help. However, stress and worry of what was going on at home made it impossible for me to cope and I began spiralling back down, but this time worse. My mum was admitted for the 3rd time to the mental hospital. I would go out with my boyfriend & our friends to distract myself every weekend. I would stay at his house almost every night and he was happy for me to do so. I loved being with him, and he would stay and cuddle me and cheer me up, I became close with his mum and she would tell me how much he loves me, as did he. When we were together I felt safe and away from worries, at least for a while. It is hard for me to be a happy 18 year old girl as I should be, I can’t help the situation I’m in..my paranoia, anxiety and self confidence issues had began to get the better of me. I feel that these illnesses have taken over my life. I knew that my friends & my boyfriend didn’t want to hear it anymore, how shit that I felt all the time..but I’m sure they would feel the same in my situation.. I tried my best to bounce back up and “be normal” like all my friends. Me and my boyfriend then began arguing. The anxiousness begun to shine through and people had had enough reassuring me. I began to recognise this but everything I tried to do to stop myself feeling this way would not work. I noticed my boyfriend started to act more and more distant with me. We had a break, but things still felt as though they weren’t resolved.. And he ended up coming to a decision that its what we might need.. He knows how much I love him. I can’t stop thinking about him with everything I do, and I never meant to push him away as it feels that that could be what I’ve done..part of me resents him as he knew about my circumstances before we got together, part of me doesn’t blame him. But when you love someone, how can you walk away so easily?..
    He had the nerve to come out for my birhday and told me that he has missed me..He slept with me that night although we weren’t together, and has since not bothered. I could never have imagined he would be like that. He has since text me but it as though we’re just friends. I have never meant for us to split up as he did make me so happy, I’m so upset that my anxiety issues have caused me to be given up on by everybody. Words can’t explain how alone I feel. We have the same friends so now I can’t even go out, the thought of seeing him knowing we aren’t together makes me sick..I’m heartbroken, and this just isn’t me, I’ve just been taken over by anxiety issues..I’m not the girl he fell in love with anymore I guess..but deep down I am, & I can be again..I’m just devostated he gave up on me..us. But now he’s left I’m just suffering with heartbreak every minute of every day and I really don’t know what to do. I can’t bare to see him with anyone else. I feel I’ve taken 3 steps forward but 8 back.. Fed up and heartbroken.

  16. Sævar says:

    Hi everybody. Me and my girlfriend broke up a week ago and I am feeling terrible. I can’t imagine my life without her because she was the love of my life. I had already planned a marriage and a good life with her but suddenly she broke up with me. We had been together in 2 and a half years, and had our ups and downs but I still love her so much. We went to this party the night before we broke up and this was the first time we didn’t stayed together in a party. The day after she said that she want to explore another things and try to be single. Is she just saying that she wants to have sex with another guys and try another relationships? she said that she still love me so much but she had to brake up with me for her benefit. I have tried to text her messages but she won’t answer and when she does the reply is: stop contacting me, I need time to think and a time for me. Is she thinking of taking me back or is it 100% over? What should I do?

  17. geezmarie says:

    You have searched all over the internet trying to find someone going through the same situation as you. Well this is your life and it isn’t going to be the same as anyone else’s. This is your mess and only you can fix it. There’s no magic words, there’s no moment where you will suddenly get over this pain. Nobody is going to come and save you, no special being. You have to be your own carer. This is not a film. This is life.

    He is just one person. So you think you’re not the best person in the world, maybe you’re not doing some amazing job. Who cares? Just get out there. No point wasting your time pining for someone who doesn’t want you. Someone else will. Eventually. Just be patient.

    Use this anger to really forget him. If he isn’t here for you now then he never will be. Let him get on with it. If he finds someone else then good for him. But that is nothing to do with you. There are so many other people out there and he is just one of them. There has got to be someone else out there who will love you unconditionally. It won’t be a fairy tale (remember I said this isn’t a film) but it will be better than it was with him. You will wonder what you ever saw in that moron. He didn’t want you remember so don’t waste any more time crying over him.

    Live your life for you until someone wants to join you. This is going to make you stronger you will see. Do whatever the fuck you want now and enjoy it. Some people wish they could be single, some people wish they could be free to do whatever they want. There is always someone worse off than you. Take this time to look after you, you are worth it. You are worth more than someone who doesn’t love you back. Don’t look back now, just get on with it. Who knows what will happen next.

    You have made no mistakes, they are just experiences, lessons to be learned. When you are happy once again you will look back on this and be thankful it happened. It made you stronger, it gave you the chance to help someone else who may be suffering too. Everyone is always going to experience pain at some point and we are all here for each other. We have all been there. Do not give up.

    Killing yourself won’t solve anything. Think of all the people you will hurt. And would it really be worth it? Killing yourself over one guy?! Think how daft that is. He’s not worth ending your own life. This is your life, it’s a journey and journeys are never straight forward. You never just get to where you want to be. You have to get out there and get on with it and work hard.

    So something else doesn’t work out, at least you tried. Don’t hide away because you will never get anywhere. You don’t know what you want to be? Just do anything, you never know where it will lead. You don’t have any money? It will come again at some point as long as you work. Put all your time and energy into yourself and the people that have stuck by you and helped you. They are worth it. He isn’t.

    Even if you feel totally alone there is someone out there who gives a shit, just call someone. Call an old friend. If they don’t respond then it’s their loss. They are missing out. You don’t waste energy on those who don’t give a shit remember?

    This is your second chance to find the love you deserve. Some people are stuck in relationships they are not happy in forever but you are free of yours because you know deep down you can do better. Don’t dwell on someone who doesn’t want you. Turn your back on him, that waste of space. Don’t be nice about him. Don’t think about him. He gave up on you! But you will not give up on yourself. This will be bloody hard but you will be thankful in the end, trust me.

    I am on this journey too. You are not alone. Just breathe, love yourself and have a little faith. Who knows what the future will bring.

  18. F says:

    I am 25 and I broke up with my ex of 6 and half years and it has been hell. It has been almost 2 months since we broke it off and I am going from bad to worse. There is so much to say.

    Me and my ex had been travelling around Australia and New Zealand and a few months before we returned to England we discussed breaking up because I have always had confidence issues and was always negative and stressed about everything in the relationship and he couldn’t stand it. He was always very confident and had a great job and urged me to be like him too, that I just needed to change the way I thought about myself and situations but I found it hard and he would say things like “If you loved me at all you would change.” The thing is I did love him and I don’t know why I couldn’t change for him…I guess I was too scared and relied upon him to be the one with the proper job and steady income, to sort out all the “difficult” things. I was always hesitant to try things because I was scared and thought I would be rubbish so I never really got a career started whilst I was with him. He started to become frustrated with me, demanding to know why I had no passion in life and all I could do was cry and say I didn’t know. So, we thought it was best to break up so that he could be happy without all my negativity and lack of confidence. We decided to go our separate ways once we returned home.

    When we returned he went to his parent’s house and I went to mine. We text each other during that week, saying how strange it was being apart and he actually said it might be a mistake and that we should see it as a break. This seemed to make the break up not real at all and so I felt fine about it. Even when I told family and friends, I didn’t get upset. But then something changed with my ex. He had to return to London for a job whereas I had to stay at home with my parents because I had no job. As soon as he returned to London he told me to stop contacting him, that we had to do it to move on. I started to panic and ask him why he was suddenly so certain we needed to get over each other when he had said before that this could just be a break. He wouldn’t respond and soon started telling me to talk to other people and never message him again. I was absolutely distraught.

    I panicked every day and every night, my heart pounded away and I had no idea what to do without him. I kept telling him it was a mistake, I begged him to give me another chance but he told he was tired of waiting for me to change. I then said if I changed, would he take me back, but he just responded with a vague “you never know what the future will bring.” Eventually he would not respond to me whatsoever no matter what I said and one of my friends started telling me I had to let him go, as did my ex’s sister and the more they said it, the more I knew it was over and it crushed me every time. I wanted someone to say “He will take you back, you’ll see.” But no one did and I cried and cried all the time and could not eat a thing or sleep at night because he wasn’t in the bed with me. I felt left behind, at my parent’s house in a town where all the friends I had before had moved away and were all in proper jobs and in successful relationships.

    I started applying for jobs despite this hell, knowing I had to get something because I had no money after travelling. My friend let me live with her in a nearby city rent free whilst I hunted for work there and I managed to get a part time role at a call centre. At this point, I wasn’t happy or over my ex at all, I still ached for him every day but I managed to eat again and sleep better…somehow thinking that things would get better. Ok, I didn’t know what I wanted to do career-wise and I was in shitty job but it was a start. I had fun with my friend and was glad to be out of my parent’s house. I didn’t feel as much of a failure as I did before but then it all went down hill again…

    I lost the call centre job after only being there two weeks because I wasn’t getting enough bookings. Then my friend who was letting me stay there started seeing a married man. I was basically in the way of her doing this because she wanted a free house to be with him. With no right to be there I decided to return to my parents and this is where I am now.

    At the moment I am not eating and having overwhelming moments of wanting to end my life, I cannot see a point without my ex. I have no idea where to go and I am stuck with my parents. Nobody wants to contact me, I have to contact them but then I fear I am annoying them by moaning about how shit I feel. The friend I stayed with was supportive, said she would be there for me but is now saying I have to figure out the rest on my own, there is only so much she can do for me. She urges me to seek counselling because I have suicidal thoughts but then I panic…how will I ever get a job again if I am having to seek counselling to get over this? It’s nearly been two months since we split and there have been no major improvements. Meanwhile my ex is getting on with his job and now has his own apartment in London. He goes running and I am stuck all alone with nothing to do at my parent’s house. I feel like such a loser and don’t see how I will get past this, how I will ever settle into a good job and be able to get my own place.

    I actually have an interview in London in two days but I am struggling to prepare when I feel so shit about myself, when I hate myself for ruining my relationship. Even if I was successful in getting the job, I have no idea where I would live…but if I don’t get it I will be back at square one, completely jobless with no leads. I know I don’t want to stay at my parents but then I don’t know where else I can go.

    I am so so down and lost and confused about life. All I want is my ex again, but he is adamant this is for the best and that I will be fine. I honestly don’t see how I will be. It’s so horrible, this pain is never ending and I am always alone in this suffering, more and more of my friends are not wanting to talk to me or see me. I guess they don’t want to put up with my moaning. I feel like I need constant attention to help me, but no one can do that for me. It’s so hard being alone without my ex. I don’t how he is getting on better than I am.

  19. Callie23 says:

    It has been exactly a year since I broke up with my ex of 4 years and let me just say it has been one of the hardest experiences i’ve had to go through and still going through. Let me start off by saying that he is a great person – he never cheated on me or treated me like shit in fact he was the complete opposite we got along very well, he was my best friend and so sweet but I made the decision to end things between us because of his family. Now when someone hears that they think “well if you loved him that much you would have stuck with him” but i DID love him that much and no one knew what i had to deal with and so i started to resent him as a person when he would just let them make rude comments or remarks without doing/saying anything. I could go on and on about his family but in all reality im not here to diss them. My ex wouldn’t take a stand for me so I decided to take a stand for myself and ended our relationship. Even after i broke up with him i held on and thought we would get back after everything we had gone through the years. (I had broken up with him before and got back together with him after a week) after a few months I would still text him little things to let him know i still cared but would hardly get anything back. I guess him not replying back that often was his way of moving on where i still had hope and faith in us but in the end i felt stupid for thinking that and holding on.
    I didn’t start to fully go through all my emotions until about the 8 month mark and cried all day everyday, not sleeping, sleeping all the time, dreaming of him, losing weight, gaining weight, hanging out with friends, not hanging out with anyone, hating myself, hating my ex, hating everyone including myself. I feel like i’ve gone through all of the stages and more and I’m still trying to sort my emotions out. He recently just got into another relationship and hearing stuff about him and knowing he has someone new just felt like my heart had been ripped out even though I was the one that broke it off with him. So it has been a year and a one hell of a tough one at that but right now in my life I do still love and care about him but I know for myself that if were to keep living in the past and hoping/wishing for him to come back that I’m never going move forward with my life. I never thought in a million years that a break up would hurt this incredibly bad. But I have to keep moving along with my head held high because in the end it was my choice to break it off I just wish he had more faith in us and didn’t give up. I know I gave it my all to get back with him but he had made it clear he was moving on and that he did.
    I’m not sure where I’m going to end up or if i’ll even be with anyone in the near future but for right now I have to focus solely on myself and to heal 100% because they say time heals all and I guess i’ll just have to wait and see how true that is. So to anyone who read my story I thank you and hope in some way, shape, or form that you could relate to it and know you are not alone.

  20. ElZe says:

    (sorry continuing from comment below!) he told me on facebook that he wanted to stop having sex and that we should be just friends and not see each other so much. We met up and I questioned him about it, and after ages he finally admitted it: there had always been another girl, for at least the last 4 months. He said we should still be friends, and we parted with a hug. Later, I called him and told him that I was in love with him. He told me not to contact him for two months, because it was not a mutual feeling. Two months have now passed. I contacted him yesterday. He just sent me a text saying that he never ever wants to see me or hear from me ever again. All his friends are quite confused because it just doesn’t sound like him. We suspect it was his current girlfriend who wrote that or forced him to do it. If it wasnt, then he really has changed. And I fell in love with a kind and selfless man, who loved his friends deeply and was always friendly with his ex girlfriends and hated it when they were holding a grudge against him. I am confused and feel like I have been used and lied to and I feel a bit worthless, like I overestimated myself all this time. And I never had any good reason to feel good about myself.

  21. ElZe says:

    We met in the streets and for the first few weeks it was like being under a spell, we were enchanted by each other. He had just ended a 6 years relationship, so he said he never wanted another one. I didn’t mind being just friends. We started hanging out together almost everyday, eating, sleeping together. He would randomly want to hold hands, and give me drunken calls, and kisses in the morning before he left for his lessons. He also let me stay at his parents’ house and meet his parents. One day, I came to him in tears: something terrible had happened the night before, and he shook with anger when he heard it. I had been drugged and sexually assaulted by two men, whom I knew, and details of the accident were emerging slowly and painfully as my memory was coming back. We became closer after this accident, he helped me greatly and showed me plenty of affection and care. Then he started changing. Suddenly he would snap at me in anger, confront me about how I thought I was more clever than him and hence better, then confessing almost in tears he had a massive inferiority complex towards me and towards people whom he perceived as being more “educated” and “intelligent”. But I was in love with him desperately, and I told him that all of that was just in his head. At Christmas, he told me on facebook

  22. Harri says:

    I met “L” when I was 20, she was my flatmate at University . It always felt like we liked each other and there was some sort of attraction , although I didn’t fall for her head over heels immediatley , i did fancy her when I first met her . After living with her for a couple of months ( three other flatmates boys and girls ) We became really good friends and I started to like her more and more . I was a real character back then … a real guy. I used to work part time as a bouncer as well as university . We ended up kissing after a night out and over a period of time just became closer and closer . One night she made me ask her out and the rest is history . We moved into our own place the next semester and I lived with her for four years . Things weren’t always perfect but I believe we really loved each other , we grew up together and I never thought I’d ever lose her . I fooled about a few times because I became a bit bored and one if my best friends moved to the city and came to stay with us so we were always out partying . I cheated on her a few times but it was only purely for sex because she did not have as high a sex drive as me so I just felt as though I needed more . I always considers her to be the one I loved and I did love her . She didnt find out . I regret doing theese things and there was a few times when i stayed out all night . I feel like I had to reinvent myself when I got onto my post-graduate course and she was also not the same religion as me. But I really loved her so I thought I would let her go gently because deep diwn I didn’t want to hurt her because I knew I couldn’t be there for her because of my family commitments and also because my family would not accept her . My cousin died young also the year we both finished university . Everything just went outta sync for me after that . I
    Couldn’t get a job , I didn’t want to cut my hair or make an effort . I was just at the event but I was a former shadow of myself . I started working in the family business . Paid peanuts but there was always promises that if I buckled down there would be rewards in the future , had to move into our parents home and moved back to our home city . It had a devastating effect on our relationship . I had no time for her plus one of my family members was standing for election to 3 months of my life was just dedicated to elections . She got a job too . I convinced her to move away and let go because i know it was making her unhappy . I had already psychologically prepared myself to let go . I started chatting to another girl and started going out with her . Was seeing them both for two weeks before my ex decided that we should call it quits as she said she was moving away to a new job in an other city . A moth after our split I told her about the new girl , fir a couple of months she became really ill . I tried to do everything to help her and encourage her, I missed her like mad . She told me she mussed me and couldn’t get over me . I told her that I cheated on her . She became really angry and became ill but I think it psychologically helped her get over me . I started really missing her . New relationship was good but girl was nothing like my ex in tes of knowing me or understanding me or making an effort to get to know my friends or sharing my life . I began to really miss my ex , she invited me a few times , would always lead to sex or hurt , we spoke every night , and did so upto when she got a new boyfriend , then she said didnt feel comfortable with it . She still sneaks a fone call but only as a friend . I don’t wanna hurt her or get back with her either although I guess a part of me misses her so much I do want her back . She was my best friend , we did everything together we had such a laugh , I’ve never been as close to anyone in my life as much as I have been as close to he’d . Sometimes I get really depressed . I have an okay job nie ( although there is a danger I might lose it ) and a new relationship but I miss her so much . I can’t get over her . The last few times I’ve spoke to her I can’t help but cry , and sometimes I just lie in my room and cry and feel sad and despair , I’ve been feeling this for months , we’ve agreed not to talk but after a couple if weeks I phoned her again , I feel so sad , I couldn’t help but cry when I heard her voice , I love her so much , I just feel like I’ve list her and just let her go , been do stupid to let her go outta my life but I can’t have her back either because I’m not good for her , just feel miserable and alone and grief , I feel loss that no-one can replace … any advice comments what can I do ?

    Thanks

    Harri

  23. Cams says:

    My girlfriend left after 9 years. We have two wonderful daughters and try to be the best parents we can. She just told me she has a new boyfriend and I am really struggling to cope with all the emotions right now. Never thought it was be so hard to cope with and im distraught…I still love her so and its hard seeing her as we have contact with the children..Would love to move on but dont know how..Any advice welcome. Never felt pain like this before.

  24. Anonymous says:

    i was heart broken by my ex 2 years ago. i was depressed not eatting lost 15pounds weighed 103. i was in bed everyday all day i even quit my job because i wanted to lock myself up and be in my room alone all the time. THEN my recent fiance came along and took that all away, i was on cloud 9. One day i saw his ex gf texting him and saying shes loves him so much so i asked if i could text her and see why she is saying all this stuff but he didnt allow me to saying shes a real b**** and she will just make it worse for me to just trust him. but then the next day comes and he says fine text her so i did just that, she claims they havent spoke in months but 1 week later i find out i was set up and i was texting his best friend all along. he clamied he only did that so i can trust him so we can move on from this and get married soon. so im back where i started feeling gulity if i leave knowing i could of been married. Not being able to eat after i gained most of the weight back, not being able to smile or even talk to anyone. locking myself alone in my room waiting for my phone to ring and saying it was all just a big misunderstanding. idk where my life will take me now or what i should do i just hope for the best again and deal with it day by day hoping i dont die from this.

  25. Zoey says:

    First day after the break up, it sucks because I was with him for 3 years. We met our freshman year in college and had ups and downs. The second semester of spring he broke up with me. I told him I cheated and felt horrible than he admits that he was cheating the whole time. I was crushed and after that he turned into single boy and started being wild at school, right in front of me. I was hurt and felt like dying it was hard to cope, didn’t know how to move on. After constantly texting him and him being an asshole. I finally stopped and got the picture, I left him alone and moved on.

    The moment I was over him, he wrote me on Facebook and said he misses me and wants to catch up again, I wanted to just delete it but I couldn’t I just kept thinking about how I missed him so much and have a little feelings for him. I knew I couldn’t do this to myself, I was finally doing good without him! Then we decided to give it a go! It was wonderful I fell back in love and he was smitten. 2 months pass by and he said he was going to boot camp for the army in January and said he really wanted to meet my family before he left. I loved the idea. So I bought the ticket! I went home for winter break and he left his home in Houston to visit his family in New York,when it was time for him to come visit in California he called to tell me he can’t come. I was devastated and mad and told him to give me a lil space to cool off. 3 days later he called me at 5am to say its not working, he fell out of love, and called me all types of horrible names then said he wants to start a new happy life in the army without me. I feel like shit. I was perfectly fine without him but I decided to give him a chance and this is what I get. This is the worst I could ever feel!

  26. Lazypieman says:

    Hi JW, Sorry to hear that any break up is really upsetting and can really have a massive effect, everything you are feeling is natural and it is a really difficult time. But stay strong you will get throught this!! Confide in your friends and family they can really help in these situations, you may be suprised. I agree it does sound like you may need to speak to someone properly about this so have a chat with your GP and they will be able to put you in touch with a good counseller as they can also really help http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Counselling/Pages/Introduction.aspx .
    Please stay in touch though and let us know how you are getting on, lots of people on this board know the pain you are going through. Kind regards Mike

  27. JW. says:

    hello, me and my ex decided to have a break in september, he was really upset about it but i thought it would be the best because we didnt stop arguing. Eventually i wanted him back and told me he wanted me back but just needed time, we was still acting like a couple being together all the time but then one day out of no where he told me he didnt want us this was in october, i was heartbroken! i cant cope with this feeling anymore, we both have the same mates and go to school together so i cant get him out my life, i have lost lots of weight and cant eat properly, i cry every night, i have even self harmed, i have tried getting over him meeting up with other people but i cant do it, i was his first kiss his first everything then he started seeing someone for a few weeks and it crushed me soooo much, i have told him how i feel but he only answers some things and its usually not the important things, he still sometimes kisses me and uses me in sexual things but i have told him to stop but i absolutely hate him and love him at the same time, once i meant everything to him but now he doesnt care what i go through, i also go sick all the time of the thought of him saying i love you to someonelse, i need real help this has been going on for months, my heart hurts so much :'( x

  28. Anonymous says:

    Ever since I broke up with by boy friend, I have been searching and trying to google in the internet that how can I get back to him or how can i make him mine again. Trying to find the tricks or ideas on internet or even checking whether black magic exists or not. I recently broke up with my boy friend.He said that he tried to love me but couldnot. He went back to his ex-gf saying that he still missed her. We had this relation since 9 months. I was so happy with him and thought the same from him. When he said that its not working and left me, I just kept on thinking where did I go wrong. Because of this pain, I decided to leave the place and i left my job also. It is very painful. There is not a single day passed without crying. Sometimes i hate him saying that whatever he did was all fake. But at the same time, can’t believe that how people can show such fake love. He was so nice to me in every way. I am missing him so much. He just left me in the middle of nowhere. I feel like I am handicapped. I am trying not to think about him and trying to distract my mind. But whatever i do, its just end in missing him badly. The pain is so bad that sometimes I feel like the only way to start a new beginning is to stop living and start new life. My friends are trying to help me but no one is saying that he would back to me again. I know he will never come back to me. He is busy on his wedding plans. But still that expectation is deep inside my heart that may be god will do some miracle and make him come back to me. I cried and called him and yelled at him for why he did this to me. None of his answers could make me feel better. I am trying and pushing hard on myself to get out of this but the more i tried not to remember him, the more i miss him. My sleeping hours are reduced and my appetite is lost.Dreams have become nightmares. Sometimes its very hard to breathe also. I don’t know what will happen in the future. I am afraid that even if i want to forget, what if the environment, the situation won’t let me him to forget. I know he must be happy with his soon be wife, girlfriend. He have no idea the pain I am going through. I am happy for his decision but when i think about me and remember those memories, then just wanna ask one question to myself that how come he did not think about me while making this decision. How can someone be so fake? Not i feel to trust someone or believe that they actually feel for us.

  29. YG says:

    i think I posted this in the wrong section earlier. Reading up on here I think I could just copy/paste LoveSickMonkeys comments and they couild be mine. I would really like to hear from him and see how he is doing now so if anyone knows him pass the message on pls.

    This site has been a massive help to healing my broken heart and reminding me I still have a life to live.

    I will keep my story brief as I want to focus more on the positives. Six months ago I let someone go thinking I was doing the right thing and they would have a better life with someone else. It was only after the event that I realized I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. Even more so when she met someone else, got pregnant and decided she would marry him. Only then I told her how I really felt but to no avail, she had moved on and had a new life to live.

    My world just stopped moving. I was numb inside. What was the point of living, of working or doing anything when that special person was no longer in my life to share everything with. I didn’t wanna see anyone, talk to anyone, or eat. I couldn’t smile, concentrate or sleep. I found this site and read all the stages and thought ‘yeah right’ my life is over this is how I’m gonna feel for ever. I would cry at night and in the car on the way to work. I prayed to whichever God or higher power I thought would listen, I even prayed to the devil for her to come back into my life. She was on my mind 24/7 and nothing else mattered not even my family. I vowed never to fall in love again if this was the pain it caused. I thought and even tried of ways to get her backbut to no avail, she had switched off from me telling me I had my chance and I had pushed her away, away towards someone else. The knife in my heart just twisted even more.

    I decided to let all my aggression & grief out by crying, telling everyone and joining a Total Combat Martial Arts Class. I spoke to all my friends and opened my heart, something I have never done in my life as I have always seen myself as invincible. It was three months later when I remember waking up one morning and for some reason I felt okay, sad but ok. It didn’t last and the heartache came back but I constantly questioned myself ‘why did I feel ok that morning?’. I came back on the site and looked at others. I asked everyone I knew about being in love & heartbreak and started to realize that I had not been singled out but was actually part of a very large ‘club’ a club no one had actually asked to join.

    Six months on and the first stage has subsided. Although she is now pregnant and livingnwith her new man I actually don’t wanna cry any more. The sadness is still there but my own life is taking priority again. As much as I still want her back a small part is asking would it eally be the same if I had her back? the feelings have definately changed, I miss more what we had rather than having it back. I never thought I would get passed that first lonely, empty, i don’t wanna live anymore stage. But I have. I don’t know what my next stage is but until now I couldn’t even bring myself to write about this.

    I know what helped me is this site, talking to people (anyone even customers at my work), crying, taking out my aggression (in a controlled enviroment) and forcing myself to be with friends. If anyone wants to contact me feel free yazgee@hotmail.co.uk

    Maybe I will update this in a few weeks/months time and see where I am then.

    Take care and don’t ever lose hope.

  30. Emma1 says:

    I’ve just recently broken up with my boyfriend of a year and a half, his choice. I wish I could wake up one day and not have to be going through what I am, I wouldn’t wish it upon anybody. Waking up from a dream where you’ve dreamt about him because he’s the last thing on my mind, the sick feeling in my stomach then doesn’t go away throughout the day until I get a couple of hours sleep again at night to go through it all again. I knew him before we got together, he’d never told anybody he loved them, he never settled down, he did with me, all our friends said I’d changed him and even he did too, he planned his life out with me, then one day i got ignored all morning to receive a text that he’s not happy and it’s over. That’s when my life slowly faded away.. I’ve never felt so alone and let thoughts run through my head as they do now, things I never dreamt of going through my head. He seems fine, he shows no emotion when we see eachother at work, was he the one? Was it me? Did he ever love me? Every second of the day is living hell, moments we had together laughs night out every memory floats through your head , yet you know it’s over but you just keep thinking that false hope that he’s gonna wake up and realise, that the one you love and your best friend is gonna wake up and come back to you. But he isn’t , your on your own and that pain isn’t gonna go away for a long time
    And everyday until is gonna be hard , it’s true, a heart really never breaks even & again I wouldn’t wish the Pain upon anybody, I know there is worse off, but I’m well and truly broken confused and lost. I cannot wait to wake up and have a normal day, be able to smile , eat and drink again, he’s never coming back thoughts going through that i give him the world so it’s the person I am that he doesn’t want, I thought we were so happy….

  31. Cherry63 says:

    My split happened nearly two years ago. It was a split that my ex decided on not me. I have read the above stories and can relate to all of the pain described. First of all I was numb, then the pain set in and my god it was some pain, it was there constantly in the middle of my chest. I could not comprehend that somebody who was my best friend would not contact me again, that I would go around in this world never knowing what he was up too, hearing his voice. I would ruminate night after night, day after day going over things we said or did, I blamed myself for the breakdown of our relationship and wished he would come back and that we could try again … I saw 3 different counsellors and ended up on antidepressants for a short period just to get me through the initial months after the breakdown of our relationship. I ate too much and have put on weight, I did not bother with my appearance and I lost confidence in myself.

    He finally made contact in November 2011 but only as a friend he said. So I had to cease contact with him again. I miss him still espcially so when I am alone.

    I am trying to date other men but I do not think I am ready. I compare every man to him for he was quirky and unique. I believe there are moments in your life when you will stumble across one or two people that you really do connect with, who taps into your soul and are genuinely interested in you, he was such a man. I find all other men since shallow and not half as intelligent and creative as this man, I felt I could at last be myself with this person.

    So it has nearly been two years now since we split and nearly 8 months since we last had contact and when I asked him not to contact me again. The pain is not so intense as it was, I am beginning to laugh again and am resigned to the fact that at the moment I feel I may not meet another man that I loved as much as my ex, he was the second man I had fallen in love with in my life and I would have married this man and that takes some saying and admission. I can only wish him well and hope he finds happiness. It is such a shame that two people who started out with such hope have ended up in such conflict and I just wished he would admit to believing me that I loved him so much.

    Peace, love and Serenity.

  32. Emma says:

    What a wonderful website!
    I split up with my boyfriend before Christmas and I am experiencing many of the other writer’s experiences. I am not out of the woods yet but I know all the comments will help. I thought I was unique and it is quite humbling (and reassuring) to realise that others, out there, are going through the same pain and confusion.

  33. Frances says:

    I had been married for 20 years when I developed feelings for a man who was part of a group we started mixing with. I kept my feelings completely secret thinking nothing could ever come of it as we were both married. 2 and a half years later, he told me he’d been obsessed with me from first sight. I was shocked, I had no idea. He had been separated for 9 months and thinking how to tell me his feelings for months. I left my husband, we fell quickly very deeply and blissfully in love. It was perfect, we spent every spare moment together – despite the difficulties in settling our previous lives – physically and emotionally, we felt closer to each other than to anyone every before, even our previous partners with whom we had been for 20+ years. Within a few months though, he started to become detached and he dumped me in February. We got back together a month later, all was lovely again but then he starting backing off again and we split in June, although stayed in contact on and off and had a week of ‘friends with benefits’ in September when he said how much we fitted together and that I was ‘stunning’. He then got cold feet when I mentioned getting back together, backed off completely and I found out he’d been seeing someone else before that week and also after. I am heartbroken. We are no longer in touch and I sent him a couple of quite nasty emails. I sent him a more conciliatory one last last week, as last Christmas was so perfect, we bought a tree and decorations ‘for our future home’ and I and missing him so much and tormented at thoughts of him now with someone else (I don’t know whether he still is, I presume so). He sent me a text on Monday saying he was dealing with a lot and hadn’t had chance to reply but would reply this week. He hasn’t and I am all upset all over again. I cry every day, I long to be with him and and torn apart that he may be with someone else, love someone else, be being physical with someone else. We both said how very different we were with each other, and I wonder if he could have found that so easily and quickly with someone else. We were only together 10 months but, in terms of feelings and intensity, the length of time hardly matters. I truly loved him which I now know was the first time I had been in love. Despite all he has done – and he has told lies and treated me badly – I can’t cut my attachment. This Christmas is so very, very hard. He lives locally too, as do his parents so I can’t venture our without reminders or fear of bumping into him and it would kill me to see him with someone else. It is all so unbearable and I always thought I was untouchable and hard. If only I still were.

  34. Kirsty says:

    Hi steph,

    I’m in almost the same position. I’m thirty and have been with my now ex for what would have been ten years in April. We have two little girls together and like you I has been with him my whole adult life.

    We’ve had a really rough year, him working all the time not being close arguing etc

    Ten days ago I found out he had been having an affair with a 19yo at his work. He’s been seeing her since march… There’s loads more to the story but I won’t bore you with it.

    I can say hand on heart if anyone has told me he was having an affair I would have laughed in their face.

    I threw him out the same day I had enough evidence. He’s been over to see the kids and it kills me to know what he’s done and how great we used to be together.

    I too have dropped from 11 stone to 9 stone 6 (I’m tall so I’m now a size 8!) I can’t eat or sleep either.

    I suppose it just takes time. Be kind to yourself and your babies.

    I think it will help you to realise that HE is the one causing you this pain. I feel 100% better knowing that he has done this to me and now he is gone… It can only get better from here x

  35. Lazypieman says:

    Hi Steph, Its really hard isnt it, everything just seems as though it is falling apart. But you have listen to your head, things will work out one way or another. But you have to be strong, proud and true to yourself, and most of all your sons. Can you work through these problems with your partner, do you want too, more importantly? Being completely selfish, your happiness is all that really matters and that of your children. If you are both in an unhappy relationship it will effect your kids so you need to decide, as well as him. It is natural to lose weight during periods of worry, but have a look at the heart break diet section on the site, hopefully this might help! For now take one day at a time and use christmas to appreciate what you do have, your friends family and loving sons. Wish you all the best and good luck. Mike

  36. Steph says:

    Hi everyone,
    I’ve read through everyone’s experiences and at my point in life I’m completely in limbo. I am 25 and I married my childhood sweetheart. We got together when I was 14 and he was 15. We have two sons together. He’s been everything to me. Over the years we argued and life’s problems stole our respect and appreciation for one another. The love and attraction is still there but he keeps asking wether it’s enough. He works away, my trust is dying and he makes excuses not to be around me. He needs time to breathe and I just sit and rot basically. I can’t live without him and this whole battle with my heart and head is agonising. I am 5 foot 3 and have dropped weight from 8 stone 13 to 7 stone 8 in three weeks. My eating hasn’t recovered and if I’m not careful I will become anorexic. I can’t sleep and everything eats away at me. Sometimes as selfish as it sounds, Id give anything to just die in my sleep because it’s torture. Even in my sleep I can’t escape. I don’t want to throw away 11years and I can’t live without him. He confuses me saying he doesn’t know if we can work it out but then tries to have sex with me. I want the pain to stop and it’s Christmas in 5 days. I’m on self destruct and I don’t know what to do.

  37. sa123 says:

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 11 months. I’ve never had long relationships and was really looking forward to celebrating an anniversary with him. I loved everything about him and had never felt this strongly about anyone before. He was just such a big part of my life, we would see each other several times a week and contact every day.

    I’m still finding it hard to come to terms with, he just said he didn’t feel like it was progressing, whatever that means. He used to make me feel so special, and even though maybe things weren’t as magical as at the beginning, I assumed that was just the natural course of things. I asked him if he was willing to give it another try, and we’ve met up twice since, but he says he’s put a lot of thought into it and he still doesn’t think it will work. He says he still wants to be friends but I don’t know if I can. I can’t even escape from him in my dreams, it’s a nightmare!

    Some days are better than others, but I’m finding it really hard. Almost all my friends are in loving relationships and I don’t feel I can lean on them anymore. I find myself thinking, why isn’t that still me? And I know it’s selfish.

    Some of these comments have helped, knowing that other people are going through the same thing. I think the hardest thing is as far as I know, there was no cheating or betrayal involved, but simply that he’s fallen out of love with me.

    I’m determined to take control of my life, but everything reminds me of him, and it just seems like one step forward and two steps back.

    I’d love to fast forward to a time when I don’t feel like this.

  38. miss b says:

    I have posted on this site before and hoping i wouldn’t have to again. All this man has put me through and i still forgive him. He is married but didn’t know for 6 months, in which time I had already fallen for him.

    Five weeks ago he broke yet another promise to me and could not cope. This resulted in me sliiting my wrist which required stitches. Being a fool I let him into my life again. He came to see me yesterday but within 2 and a half hours he walked out on me again. He told me he was going to get something from his car, then drove off. It has only just hit me and feel very distressed and can’t understand why he does this to me.

    I am on anti depressents and sleeping pills but my sleep is all over the place and only get 3 hours sleep every night. I just want this pain to stop.

  39. Lazypieman says:

    Hi Lovesick monkey, Firstly thank you for posting on this site, it really does help others. Reading through your beautifully described comments on how you feel brought back so many memories, as my story is not that dissimilar to yours, I guess most break-ups are in a way the same.
    I completely agree with you about the grieving thing, I lost my Dad at the same time as my break up and the emotions and stages are completely the same, it’s the loss of something beloved to you at its most primal level. What got me through it was the gym and good uplifting music. Exercise and fun music lightened my life enough to see through the fog of the break up emotions. I also threw myself into any opportunity that arose, being single can be a really fun time if you let it. Most of the time you will have to take the bull by the horns and make those initial opportunities happen, but this will soon snowball and after a while you may wonder how you ever found time for a relationship.
    In a weird way the death of my father also helped as it really brought home my own mortality and made me think, what if this was my last day on the planet do I sit around and mope about a girl who doesn’t love me or do I say to hell with that, I’m going to enjoy my last day!!
    You are doing everything right and it will get better with time (cliché alert!!) I promise. But remember that before you met her you could be happy, well now is no different she doesn’t own your happiness; you do! So look deep within and get it back.
    Stay strong, life will get brighter once again.
    Mike (Lazypieman)

  40. lovesickmonkey says:

    I recently posted this story on a different site but wanted to leave it here as well.
    I don’t know how important relating my story of loving someone is. The point is, I was in love and in deep. She spent considerable time and energy convincing me that she loved me too. After a year and a half she dropped hints about a marriage proposal and I told her my mom inherited diamonds from my grandmother that we could mount in an engagement setting. I did. I proposed. She said yes. We discussed where we wanted the wedding to be. I made plans to renovate my kitchen and even began building custom shelves for a walk-in closet. I adored her family and they loved me. Then she called me one night, crying and said she couldn’t marry me. It was over. I guess the reasons aren’t very interesting. If someone doesn’t love you they can find a million reasons to want to leave you. She showed up the next day and packed up her car.
    The pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt, and I’ve had my heart broken before. This was like being boiled in oil. Intense, suffocating pain. Impossible to breathe almost. And the immediate loss of appetite. Or, if you do eat something, then its nausea. Your mind is running a hundred miles an hour. What did she say? Maybe she needs some time out? How long has she known it was over? How long has she been planning to tell me? Why did she agree to marry me? Was that not serious at all? And then your mind replays nearly every significant moment in your relationship together: holidays, birthdays, dining out, arguments, etc. etc. You evaluate everything in light of the new data. And this goes on day after day, despite your shouting, “Stop.”
    And I cry. And not gentle weeping or silent tears but full-on wailing. Primitive crying of pain and terror. Cries of utter despair. But I’m alone and no one hears. The loneliness i unlike any sensation I’ve felt before. It is an all-consuming lonliness. Knowing that no one is coming, ever. That you have no plans for this weekend or any. That you will go to bed alone, night after night.
    I stay in bed for long hours. I’m late for work in the morning and I leave early. Even if I see others at work, it is as though I am alone. Their world is not the gray, empty world that I’m in. I try to do household chores like dishes, cleaning, or laundry and I quickly tire out. It’s partly due to the fact that I’m not eating. It also seems so pointless. Why clean up if no one will see the results? Why accomplish anything?
    I know I am on the verge of a breakdown so I try to call my Mom once a day at least, she being, by definition, someone who will listen and care. I thank the good lord that I still have a mother because, quite frankly, if I didn’t I would be in a lot worse trouble now. I have called my boyhood friends, my brothers, etc. Talking is a relief but the instant the conversation ends, the solitude returns.
    I saw a psychiatrist about a week after the break-up and made plans to return weekly. It doesn’t seem like a big help yet.
    I try to go running which seems to boost things a little bit … at least temporarily. My weight is 20 pounds less since the break-up.
    The worst trick of the mind is denial. Our mind convinces us that this is not permanent: that our best friend and true love will be back after a short break. It is an argument so compelling to our painful hearts that we keep it alive. But our minds somehow know better.
    And why can’t broken hearts be like broken legs — steadily improving by day. If you’ve heard that heartbreak gets worse before it gets better, you have heard correctly, and I don’t know why this is. I don’t know why our hearts break in the first place. Does it serve some evolutionary function? As for me, this is the worst feeling I have ever felt and I would trade it for any physical pain. It is utter anguish. It cannot be any different for those whose loved ones die. I am finding that Dr. Kubler-Ross’ five stages of death apply equally well to heartbreak.
    All I can do is wait and read stories like these to get a sense that I’m not really alone. I can’t envision ever being over this but I believe that some day, some time, I will find purpose and meaning once again.

  41. Lazypieman says:

    Hi Pipa, I read your comment on the other page about your break up and am glad you are ok, it sounds like you are getting there slowly and starting to enjoy life again, good for you, its a nice feeling isnt it : )

    Would you mind if published your story on this page as well as your comment, as its always nice to hear about people recovering? Would you mind adding your age and town (completely optional : )

    And if you get a chance in the future and are not too busy enjoying yourself, please come back and tell is how you are getting on after your break up, would be lovely to hear from you.

    Thanks for looking at the site hope you found it helpful.

    Mike

  42. Pippa says:

    Since my break up 3 months ago I have moved to the other side of the country, joined a dancing club to do street dancing, I am developing a business plan to start up a new business, I have just got a puppy who is 9 weeks old, she is great company and i love her to bits. I’m getting a car next week aswell which is really exciting as I havnt had one for 2 years. All of this I probably would not be doing if it was’nt for my breakup, I still feel alot of heartache but im moving on slowly. I wonder where I will be and what I will be doing in another 3 months. Its exciting when you really think about it like that. good luck guys x

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