Please tell me your break up stories and how you recovered, or are recovering. If you are experiencing a break up now, why not get it off your chest, believe me sometimes it helps, why not document your break up journey to full recovery by coming back and letting us know how you are getting on, your highs and lows. And I don’t just mean in the short term, it would be good to know how this break up changed your life. My break up really changed mine and I think I am a very different person because of it, so I would love to know how it is changing yours?
You will recover from your break up I promise, but by documenting this you will be surprised at how many people will take solace and inspiration from your story, just knowing that someone else is going through exactly the same type of break up emotions and experiences really helps other people and may help you by writing these feelings down.
If you are interested in doing this, please add your comments below and I will update permanently onto this page
Since my break up 3 months ago I have moved to the other side of the country, joined a dancing club to do street dancing, I am developing a business plan to start up a new business, I have just got a puppy who is 9 weeks old, she is great company and i love her to bits. I’m getting a car next week aswell which is really exciting as I havnt had one for 2 years. All of this I probably would not be doing if it was’nt for my breakup, I still feel alot of heartache but im moving on slowly. I wonder where I will be and what I will be doing in another 3 months. Its exciting when you really think about it like that. good luck guys x
Hi Pipa, I read your comment on the other page about your break up and am glad you are ok, it sounds like you are getting there slowly and starting to enjoy life again, good for you, its a nice feeling isnt it : )
Would you mind if published your story on this page as well as your comment, as its always nice to hear about people recovering? Would you mind adding your age and town (completely optional : )
And if you get a chance in the future and are not too busy enjoying yourself, please come back and tell is how you are getting on after your break up, would be lovely to hear from you.
Thanks for looking at the site hope you found it helpful.
Mike
I recently posted this story on a different site but wanted to leave it here as well.
I don’t know how important relating my story of loving someone is. The point is, I was in love and in deep. She spent considerable time and energy convincing me that she loved me too. After a year and a half she dropped hints about a marriage proposal and I told her my mom inherited diamonds from my grandmother that we could mount in an engagement setting. I did. I proposed. She said yes. We discussed where we wanted the wedding to be. I made plans to renovate my kitchen and even began building custom shelves for a walk-in closet. I adored her family and they loved me. Then she called me one night, crying and said she couldn’t marry me. It was over. I guess the reasons aren’t very interesting. If someone doesn’t love you they can find a million reasons to want to leave you. She showed up the next day and packed up her car.
The pain is unlike anything I’ve ever felt, and I’ve had my heart broken before. This was like being boiled in oil. Intense, suffocating pain. Impossible to breathe almost. And the immediate loss of appetite. Or, if you do eat something, then its nausea. Your mind is running a hundred miles an hour. What did she say? Maybe she needs some time out? How long has she known it was over? How long has she been planning to tell me? Why did she agree to marry me? Was that not serious at all? And then your mind replays nearly every significant moment in your relationship together: holidays, birthdays, dining out, arguments, etc. etc. You evaluate everything in light of the new data. And this goes on day after day, despite your shouting, “Stop.”
And I cry. And not gentle weeping or silent tears but full-on wailing. Primitive crying of pain and terror. Cries of utter despair. But I’m alone and no one hears. The loneliness i unlike any sensation I’ve felt before. It is an all-consuming lonliness. Knowing that no one is coming, ever. That you have no plans for this weekend or any. That you will go to bed alone, night after night.
I stay in bed for long hours. I’m late for work in the morning and I leave early. Even if I see others at work, it is as though I am alone. Their world is not the gray, empty world that I’m in. I try to do household chores like dishes, cleaning, or laundry and I quickly tire out. It’s partly due to the fact that I’m not eating. It also seems so pointless. Why clean up if no one will see the results? Why accomplish anything?
I know I am on the verge of a breakdown so I try to call my Mom once a day at least, she being, by definition, someone who will listen and care. I thank the good lord that I still have a mother because, quite frankly, if I didn’t I would be in a lot worse trouble now. I have called my boyhood friends, my brothers, etc. Talking is a relief but the instant the conversation ends, the solitude returns.
I saw a psychiatrist about a week after the break-up and made plans to return weekly. It doesn’t seem like a big help yet.
I try to go running which seems to boost things a little bit … at least temporarily. My weight is 20 pounds less since the break-up.
The worst trick of the mind is denial. Our mind convinces us that this is not permanent: that our best friend and true love will be back after a short break. It is an argument so compelling to our painful hearts that we keep it alive. But our minds somehow know better.
And why can’t broken hearts be like broken legs — steadily improving by day. If you’ve heard that heartbreak gets worse before it gets better, you have heard correctly, and I don’t know why this is. I don’t know why our hearts break in the first place. Does it serve some evolutionary function? As for me, this is the worst feeling I have ever felt and I would trade it for any physical pain. It is utter anguish. It cannot be any different for those whose loved ones die. I am finding that Dr. Kubler-Ross’ five stages of death apply equally well to heartbreak.
All I can do is wait and read stories like these to get a sense that I’m not really alone. I can’t envision ever being over this but I believe that some day, some time, I will find purpose and meaning once again.
Hi Lovesick monkey, Firstly thank you for posting on this site, it really does help others. Reading through your beautifully described comments on how you feel brought back so many memories, as my story is not that dissimilar to yours, I guess most break-ups are in a way the same.
I completely agree with you about the grieving thing, I lost my Dad at the same time as my break up and the emotions and stages are completely the same, it’s the loss of something beloved to you at its most primal level. What got me through it was the gym and good uplifting music. Exercise and fun music lightened my life enough to see through the fog of the break up emotions. I also threw myself into any opportunity that arose, being single can be a really fun time if you let it. Most of the time you will have to take the bull by the horns and make those initial opportunities happen, but this will soon snowball and after a while you may wonder how you ever found time for a relationship.
In a weird way the death of my father also helped as it really brought home my own mortality and made me think, what if this was my last day on the planet do I sit around and mope about a girl who doesn’t love me or do I say to hell with that, I’m going to enjoy my last day!!
You are doing everything right and it will get better with time (cliché alert!!) I promise. But remember that before you met her you could be happy, well now is no different she doesn’t own your happiness; you do! So look deep within and get it back.
Stay strong, life will get brighter once again.
Mike (Lazypieman)
I have posted on this site before and hoping i wouldn’t have to again. All this man has put me through and i still forgive him. He is married but didn’t know for 6 months, in which time I had already fallen for him.
Five weeks ago he broke yet another promise to me and could not cope. This resulted in me sliiting my wrist which required stitches. Being a fool I let him into my life again. He came to see me yesterday but within 2 and a half hours he walked out on me again. He told me he was going to get something from his car, then drove off. It has only just hit me and feel very distressed and can’t understand why he does this to me.
I am on anti depressents and sleeping pills but my sleep is all over the place and only get 3 hours sleep every night. I just want this pain to stop.
My boyfriend broke up with me after 11 months. I’ve never had long relationships and was really looking forward to celebrating an anniversary with him. I loved everything about him and had never felt this strongly about anyone before. He was just such a big part of my life, we would see each other several times a week and contact every day.
I’m still finding it hard to come to terms with, he just said he didn’t feel like it was progressing, whatever that means. He used to make me feel so special, and even though maybe things weren’t as magical as at the beginning, I assumed that was just the natural course of things. I asked him if he was willing to give it another try, and we’ve met up twice since, but he says he’s put a lot of thought into it and he still doesn’t think it will work. He says he still wants to be friends but I don’t know if I can. I can’t even escape from him in my dreams, it’s a nightmare!
Some days are better than others, but I’m finding it really hard. Almost all my friends are in loving relationships and I don’t feel I can lean on them anymore. I find myself thinking, why isn’t that still me? And I know it’s selfish.
Some of these comments have helped, knowing that other people are going through the same thing. I think the hardest thing is as far as I know, there was no cheating or betrayal involved, but simply that he’s fallen out of love with me.
I’m determined to take control of my life, but everything reminds me of him, and it just seems like one step forward and two steps back.
I’d love to fast forward to a time when I don’t feel like this.
Hi everyone,
I’ve read through everyone’s experiences and at my point in life I’m completely in limbo. I am 25 and I married my childhood sweetheart. We got together when I was 14 and he was 15. We have two sons together. He’s been everything to me. Over the years we argued and life’s problems stole our respect and appreciation for one another. The love and attraction is still there but he keeps asking wether it’s enough. He works away, my trust is dying and he makes excuses not to be around me. He needs time to breathe and I just sit and rot basically. I can’t live without him and this whole battle with my heart and head is agonising. I am 5 foot 3 and have dropped weight from 8 stone 13 to 7 stone 8 in three weeks. My eating hasn’t recovered and if I’m not careful I will become anorexic. I can’t sleep and everything eats away at me. Sometimes as selfish as it sounds, Id give anything to just die in my sleep because it’s torture. Even in my sleep I can’t escape. I don’t want to throw away 11years and I can’t live without him. He confuses me saying he doesn’t know if we can work it out but then tries to have sex with me. I want the pain to stop and it’s Christmas in 5 days. I’m on self destruct and I don’t know what to do.
Hi Steph, Its really hard isnt it, everything just seems as though it is falling apart. But you have listen to your head, things will work out one way or another. But you have to be strong, proud and true to yourself, and most of all your sons. Can you work through these problems with your partner, do you want too, more importantly? Being completely selfish, your happiness is all that really matters and that of your children. If you are both in an unhappy relationship it will effect your kids so you need to decide, as well as him. It is natural to lose weight during periods of worry, but have a look at the heart break diet section on the site, hopefully this might help! For now take one day at a time and use christmas to appreciate what you do have, your friends family and loving sons. Wish you all the best and good luck. Mike
Hi steph,
I’m in almost the same position. I’m thirty and have been with my now ex for what would have been ten years in April. We have two little girls together and like you I has been with him my whole adult life.
We’ve had a really rough year, him working all the time not being close arguing etc
Ten days ago I found out he had been having an affair with a 19yo at his work. He’s been seeing her since march… There’s loads more to the story but I won’t bore you with it.
I can say hand on heart if anyone has told me he was having an affair I would have laughed in their face.
I threw him out the same day I had enough evidence. He’s been over to see the kids and it kills me to know what he’s done and how great we used to be together.
I too have dropped from 11 stone to 9 stone 6 (I’m tall so I’m now a size 8!) I can’t eat or sleep either.
I suppose it just takes time. Be kind to yourself and your babies.
I think it will help you to realise that HE is the one causing you this pain. I feel 100% better knowing that he has done this to me and now he is gone… It can only get better from here x
I had been married for 20 years when I developed feelings for a man who was part of a group we started mixing with. I kept my feelings completely secret thinking nothing could ever come of it as we were both married. 2 and a half years later, he told me he’d been obsessed with me from first sight. I was shocked, I had no idea. He had been separated for 9 months and thinking how to tell me his feelings for months. I left my husband, we fell quickly very deeply and blissfully in love. It was perfect, we spent every spare moment together – despite the difficulties in settling our previous lives – physically and emotionally, we felt closer to each other than to anyone every before, even our previous partners with whom we had been for 20+ years. Within a few months though, he started to become detached and he dumped me in February. We got back together a month later, all was lovely again but then he starting backing off again and we split in June, although stayed in contact on and off and had a week of ‘friends with benefits’ in September when he said how much we fitted together and that I was ‘stunning’. He then got cold feet when I mentioned getting back together, backed off completely and I found out he’d been seeing someone else before that week and also after. I am heartbroken. We are no longer in touch and I sent him a couple of quite nasty emails. I sent him a more conciliatory one last last week, as last Christmas was so perfect, we bought a tree and decorations ‘for our future home’ and I and missing him so much and tormented at thoughts of him now with someone else (I don’t know whether he still is, I presume so). He sent me a text on Monday saying he was dealing with a lot and hadn’t had chance to reply but would reply this week. He hasn’t and I am all upset all over again. I cry every day, I long to be with him and and torn apart that he may be with someone else, love someone else, be being physical with someone else. We both said how very different we were with each other, and I wonder if he could have found that so easily and quickly with someone else. We were only together 10 months but, in terms of feelings and intensity, the length of time hardly matters. I truly loved him which I now know was the first time I had been in love. Despite all he has done – and he has told lies and treated me badly – I can’t cut my attachment. This Christmas is so very, very hard. He lives locally too, as do his parents so I can’t venture our without reminders or fear of bumping into him and it would kill me to see him with someone else. It is all so unbearable and I always thought I was untouchable and hard. If only I still were.