Comments on: Break ups and heartbreak http://www.over-it.co.uk Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:21:31 +0000 hourly 1 By: susan http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-630 susan Mon, 09 May 2011 20:01:37 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-630 Rea, I too am going through the same. You sound like me. I have lots of love to give to the right man, thought I was with him. I heard the same, I dont know. Thing is it was his dreadful jealousy and possessive behaviour that caused the problems we had. He watched my every move like a hawk, inc my bank statements and mail. We werent even living together and had only been together since Dec 2010. He wanted to get me pregnant in our first month together. I think now that he was tring to trap me, own me so I was tied to him forever. He didnt seem to think that I had a choice in the matter. He didnt want to use protection. When I started to show my own feelings and needs he seemed to go against me. Seemed to become defensive towards me. I wasnt ready to have a child and yet he would say that we should just chance it. Looking back now I dont recall he ever asked me how I felt about important issues. Like pregnancy. I think he saw it as a logical step. When I showed him I had my own needs, thoughts, feeings he backed away. I do love him and I do miss him but I know the pain will go away. Ive already been divorced and had a long term relationship of five years end so I know the happy times arent that far away. Its the here and now that hurts. Im trying to take each day as it comes but my arms still ache for him. I long to see his face and hold his hand but I know he isnt willing so what can I do? Become something Im not so I make him happy? Barefoot, pregnant and tied to the kitchen sink. Instead of planning happy fun times hes concentrating on tying me down forever. I see he is selfish,insecure and self centrered now. How dare he try to push pregnancy on me? It still hurts me a lot as I still care deeply but hes rejected me. I didnt become his brood mare or his possession so he left me! Did I have a lucky escape? Right now I want him back so it doesnt feel that way but in the future, who knows? We have to go on. We have no other choice. The pain is the price we pay for being alive, human and loving. If we didnt chance it then we have empty lives. Love is everything. Its all we are here for. Rea, I too am going through the same. You sound like me. I have lots of love to give to the right man, thought I was with him. I heard the same, I dont know. Thing is it was his dreadful jealousy and possessive behaviour that caused the problems we had. He watched my every move like a hawk, inc my bank statements and mail. We werent even living together and had only been together since Dec 2010. He wanted to get me pregnant in our first month together. I think now that he was tring to trap me, own me so I was tied to him forever. He didnt seem to think that I had a choice in the matter. He didnt want to use protection. When I started to show my own feelings and needs he seemed to go against me. Seemed to become defensive towards me. I wasnt ready to have a child and yet he would say that we should just chance it. Looking back now I dont recall he ever asked me how I felt about important issues. Like pregnancy. I think he saw it as a logical step. When I showed him I had my own needs, thoughts, feeings he backed away. I do love him and I do miss him but I know the pain will go away. Ive already been divorced and had a long term relationship of five years end so I know the happy times arent that far away. Its the here and now that hurts. Im trying to take each day as it comes but my arms still ache for him. I long to see his face and hold his hand but I know he isnt willing so what can I do? Become something Im not so I make him happy? Barefoot, pregnant and tied to the kitchen sink. Instead of planning happy fun times hes concentrating on tying me down forever. I see he is selfish,insecure and self centrered now. How dare he try to push pregnancy on me?
It still hurts me a lot as I still care deeply but hes rejected me. I didnt become his brood mare or his possession so he left me! Did I have a lucky escape? Right now I want him back so it doesnt feel that way but in the future, who knows? We have to go on. We have no other choice. The pain is the price we pay for being alive, human and loving. If we didnt chance it then we have empty lives. Love is everything. Its all we are here for.

]]> By: susan http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-621 susan Sat, 07 May 2011 21:02:30 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-621 Dear Heartshock, Your final sentence blew me away. That you dont know how to make yourself want to let go. I really dont think anyone has put it as beautifully as this. My heart is broken too. I dont need to tell you everything as we all have our own stories. The point is as you make it. I know I must move on but right now I dont know how to make myself want to. Just like you say. My admitting to it its as if we have given up hope of a reconciliation. I see exactly how you feel.I feel it too. I dont want to let go yet. I want to have hope. I do have hope. My moving on I feel Im letting go of hope. Im stuck. So are you. Right now. I dont feel that moving on is a conscious decision. I eel it just happens to us. We do move on. I dont really believe anyone who says they made the hurt go away by making a decsion. It may seem to them that they have but in reality I think its just that the time has healed the pain and circumstances change in their lives. They REALISE they have moved on but they didnt plan it. If it was that easy we would all kove on immediatley and nobody would be on this website or indeed any other heartbreak website. We dont decide. It just happens. I know. My husband of 15 years left me for another woman. My last relationship of 5 years has just ended. Im alone. No kids, just cats. I feel like a joke, like a caricature in a play. A 46 year old lady with no husband or kids. Thankfully I donr wear fingerless gloves and I hope I dont smell. I wear Coco so if I smell I should smell ok!!! I know that the pain will end, it will for you too but it will happen in time. We cant make it happen any sooner because each of is i made of different stuff. We all heal in different ways at varying degrees. I dont believe it can be made to happen. It just does. End of. It always does. Dont compare yourself with someone who moved on faster than you did. It doesnt matter. They didnt have a magic pill. No body has it. If they did we would all be buying it wouldnt we???? No secrets, no magic. Its just time. Im on ziggysue@fsmail.net. Love to you. Dear Heartshock, Your final sentence blew me away. That you dont know how to make yourself want to let go. I really dont think anyone has put it as beautifully as this. My heart is broken too. I dont need to tell you everything as we all have our own stories. The point is as you make it. I know I must move on but right now I dont know how to make myself want to. Just like you say. My admitting to it its as if we have given up hope of a reconciliation. I see exactly how you feel.I feel it too. I dont want to let go yet. I want to have hope. I do have hope. My moving on I feel Im letting go of hope. Im stuck. So are you. Right now. I dont feel that moving on is a conscious decision. I eel it just happens to us. We do move on. I dont really believe anyone who says they made the hurt go away by making a decsion. It may seem to them that they have but in reality I think its just that the time has healed the pain and circumstances change in their lives. They REALISE they have moved on but they didnt plan it. If it was that easy we would all kove on immediatley and nobody would be on this website or indeed any other heartbreak website. We dont decide. It just happens. I know. My husband of 15 years left me for another woman. My last relationship of 5 years has just ended. Im alone. No kids, just cats. I feel like a joke, like a caricature in a play. A 46 year old lady with no husband or kids. Thankfully I donr wear fingerless gloves and I hope I dont smell. I wear Coco so if I smell I should smell ok!!! I know that the pain will end, it will for you too but it will happen in time. We cant make it happen any sooner because each of is i made of different stuff. We all heal in different ways at varying degrees. I dont believe it can be made to happen. It just does. End of. It always does. Dont compare yourself with someone who moved on faster than you did. It doesnt matter. They didnt have a magic pill. No body has it. If they did we would all be buying it wouldnt we???? No secrets, no magic. Its just time. Im on ziggysue@fsmail.net. Love to you.

]]> By: Rea http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-482 Rea Tue, 29 Mar 2011 10:33:09 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-482 My boyfriend ended things after two years with a "I just don't know what to do for the best" after months of him going cold and acting distant. He claims he doesn't know what's wrong with him, but he just doesn't feel like himself anymore. We were about to move in together and I feel he just got cold feet. When we met he was a funny, kind, considerate man. Declaring love and he would marry me one day. I've never felt so secure and happy in my whole life. I was single for 18 months after a bad break up when I met him. He turned 30, lost a load of weight (encouraged by me for him to look and feel better) and he changed with every pound lost. The last few months of our relationship, the dynamics really changed and it went from him feeling insecure (he always claimed he was punching above his weight with me!) to me being a clingy, insecure wreck. Not attractive! He claims that he doesn't know what to do for the best. I asked if it was a break up or a break and he kept saying I just don't know. I don't know means no! I don't know means I don't want to hurt you anymore than I have done already. There's been no contact for weeks. I feel it's time for me to walk away dignified and poised and after a brief chat a few days after he dumped me, where I remained calm but told him I didn't want this to end, I haven't contacted him since. In fact, I have deleted his contact information so I cannot be tempted to humiliate myself further. I've finally accepted he won't change his mind. But I had hopes and dreams for this relationship. And now I feel so alone and fear I may be on my own for what seemed like an eternity before. What's so wrong with being alone? Well I for one have a lot of love and good qualitites to give to someone. I just like to share my life. Please cupid, send me a replacement! He was a decent man. I hope there are others out there that I can be compatible with. I can't eat, I can't sleep and have terrible anxiety attacks. Time is a healer. Trouble with time? It takes time :( My boyfriend ended things after two years with a “I just don’t know what to do for the best” after months of him going cold and acting distant. He claims he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him, but he just doesn’t feel like himself anymore. We were about to move in together and I feel he just got cold feet.

When we met he was a funny, kind, considerate man. Declaring love and he would marry me one day. I’ve never felt so secure and happy in my whole life. I was single for 18 months after a bad break up when I met him. He turned 30, lost a load of weight (encouraged by me for him to look and feel better) and he changed with every pound lost. The last few months of our relationship, the dynamics really changed and it went from him feeling insecure (he always claimed he was punching above his weight with me!) to me being a clingy, insecure wreck. Not attractive!

He claims that he doesn’t know what to do for the best. I asked if it was a break up or a break and he kept saying I just don’t know. I don’t know means no! I don’t know means I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I have done already.

There’s been no contact for weeks. I feel it’s time for me to walk away dignified and poised and after a brief chat a few days after he dumped me, where I remained calm but told him I didn’t want this to end, I haven’t contacted him since. In fact, I have deleted his contact information so I cannot be tempted to humiliate myself further.

I’ve finally accepted he won’t change his mind. But I had hopes and dreams for this relationship. And now I feel so alone and fear I may be on my own for what seemed like an eternity before. What’s so wrong with being alone? Well I for one have a lot of love and good qualitites to give to someone. I just like to share my life. Please cupid, send me a replacement! He was a decent man. I hope there are others out there that I can be compatible with.

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and have terrible anxiety attacks. Time is a healer. Trouble with time? It takes time :(

]]> By: Francine http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-427 Francine Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:22:58 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-427 I was with my ex 2 1/2 years. He told me he loved me, told me he wanted to marry me. I met him thru a friend a few months after a 15 year marriage that was really bad. I thought I was safe. He filled my head with all the things someone would want to hear after being treated wrong for years. He said he would never harm me in the same way. Anyways I took him into my home, my family helped us relocate to another state. We got on our feet got an apartment. He finally started working and turned into a monster. Ended up throwing me and my 16 year old son out on Thanksgiving and threw our things out into the front yard on my birthday a week later. After a month I am hearing about all the woman he is with all the partying that he is doing in the apartment we got together and just so much more I now know he was cheating on me on-line the entire relationship using a false name and age and basically lying to every woman he is talking to. I am starting counseling and even though I know the whole relationship was a game to him I was not playing a truly loved him and the hurt lies with he only used me to get ahead. i am trying to be logical and realize that he is not worth the pain I am still feeling even knowing the truth about him but it still hurts deeply. Just stumbled across this website and think I may be visiting it quite often.. Thank you I was with my ex 2 1/2 years. He told me he loved me, told me he wanted to marry me. I met him thru a friend a few months after a 15 year marriage that was really bad. I thought I was safe. He filled my head with all the things someone would want to hear after being treated wrong for years. He said he would never harm me in the same way. Anyways I took him into my home, my family helped us relocate to another state. We got on our feet got an apartment. He finally started working and turned into a monster. Ended up throwing me and my 16 year old son out on Thanksgiving and threw our things out into the front yard on my birthday a week later. After a month I am hearing about all the woman he is with all the partying that he is doing in the apartment we got together and just so much more I now know he was cheating on me on-line the entire relationship using a false name and age and basically lying to every woman he is talking to. I am starting counseling and even though I know the whole relationship was a game to him I was not playing a truly loved him and the hurt lies with he only used me to get ahead. i am trying to be logical and realize that he is not worth the pain I am still feeling even knowing the truth about him but it still hurts deeply. Just stumbled across this website and think I may be visiting it quite often.. Thank you

]]> By: sarah http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-426 sarah Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:22:29 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-426 Feeling alot better today, had a real good read of this site, brilliant stuff. i had a simular situation as my father died 2 months after my ex left, we where togther 16 years and he didnt even come to see me after my father died, but 18 months later, things are looking up, i know some days are good some days. if anyone wants to chat. im on sarah.hornett@hotmail.com mailto:sarah.hornett@hotmail.com Feeling alot better today, had a real good read of this site, brilliant stuff. i had a simular situation as my father died 2 months after my ex left, we where togther 16 years and he didnt even come to see me after my father died, but 18 months later, things are looking up, i know some days are good some days. if anyone wants to chat. im on sarah.hornett@hotmail.com mailto:sarah.hornett@hotmail.com

]]> By: Louise http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-425 Louise Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:22:05 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-425 Hi all, i still dont seem to be able to come to terms with my break-up? dont feel that much better after 18months, we were togther for 16 years. any advice? Hi all, i still dont seem to be able to come to terms with my break-up? dont feel that much better after 18months, we were togther for 16 years. any advice?

]]> By: Louise http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-424 Louise Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:21:05 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-424 Hi, I got dumped nearly 3 weeks ago after 2 years, the problem was I knew he didn’t love me but stupidly held on hoping he might change. I changed my whole routine and lifestyle to make him happy because he was terribly jealous and overwhelmingly loving and attentive in the first 9 months so I was hooked. I loved him so deeply and got very depressed when he started going cold towards me, as soon as I made my feelings clear he backed off and then it just got worse, something really horrible happened which I cant mention but he left me with no conscience and I took him back cause I was BLIND. He was a good practical boyfriend taking me to different places, mostly his choice tho but emotionally he wasn’t there, I call him easter egg, nice and sweet on the outside but hollow and empty on the inside. I realize even tho I feel broken and extremely low he has done me a service you cant be happy with someone who doesn’t love you because it will only dent your self worth and make you ill. I hope you can all find the strength to move forward, its a long road but you have to walk it, good luck.x Hi, I got dumped nearly 3 weeks ago after 2 years, the problem was I knew he didn’t love me but stupidly held on hoping he might change. I changed my whole routine and lifestyle to make him happy because he was terribly jealous and overwhelmingly loving and attentive in the first 9 months so I was hooked. I loved him so deeply and got very depressed when he started going cold towards me, as soon as I made my feelings clear he backed off and then it just got worse, something really horrible happened which I cant mention but he left me with no conscience and I took him back cause I was BLIND. He was a good practical boyfriend taking me to different places, mostly his choice tho but emotionally he wasn’t there, I call him easter egg, nice and sweet on the outside but hollow and empty on the inside. I realize even tho I feel broken and extremely low he has done me a service you cant be happy with someone who doesn’t love you because it will only dent your self worth and make you ill. I hope you can all find the strength to move forward, its a long road but you have to walk it, good luck.x

]]> By: sarah http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-423 sarah Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:20:38 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-423 my ex got up one day and left never to return, we where married 16 years. he told me i never want children, next thing i know he is with some woman who has 3 children now he is having another one with her !! i cant tell you the hurt i feel, now 37 no family, no husband, only few friends who i dont want to keep on to. its a hard life, my only comfort is hopefully what goes around comes around and i will find happyness again. my ex got up one day and left never to return, we where married 16 years. he told me i never want children, next thing i know he is with some woman who has 3 children now he is having another one with her !! i cant tell you the hurt i feel, now 37 no family, no husband, only few friends who i dont want to keep on to. its a hard life, my only comfort is hopefully what goes around comes around and i will find happyness again.

]]> By: heartshock http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-422 heartshock Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:20:07 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-422 I still love my ex. As much as we been thru my heart says its nt enough to give up on us and all I want eveyday is for us to work it out . He says things that bfs would say to me online indicating that he still loves me but whenever I suggest we try again he shoots me down. I feel like he says enough to keep me hanging on and uses this on going hurt thing. He is like chatting to two individuals. One moment loving an the next horrible implying that I will on easily or I should go party and hook up with other men. He told me that today an I said becareful what u wish for. If a man u love can hurt u wat harm can a man that doesn’t do. He stopped talking to me and deleted me from his chat contacts. All I want is stop missing him and wishing he’ll come back to me. I don’t know how to let go and I dnt know how to make myself want to I still love my ex. As much as we been thru my heart says its nt enough to give up on us and all I want eveyday is for us to work it out . He says things that bfs would say to me online indicating that he still loves me but whenever I suggest we try again he shoots me down. I feel like he says enough to keep me hanging on and uses this on going hurt thing. He is like chatting to two individuals. One moment loving an the next horrible implying that I will on easily or I should go party and hook up with other men. He told me that today an I said becareful what u wish for. If a man u love can hurt u wat harm can a man that doesn’t do. He stopped talking to me and deleted me from his chat contacts. All I want is stop missing him and wishing he’ll come back to me. I don’t know how to let go and I dnt know how to make myself want to

]]> By: macie http://www.over-it.co.uk/comment-page-1/#comment-421 macie Mon, 21 Mar 2011 20:19:32 +0000 http://www.over-it.co.uk/?page_id=217#comment-421 my boyfriend left me two years ago for another woman completely out of the blue. i was devestated. we have a child which makes it alot harder for me to get over. in the two years hes had two relationships but everytime his relationships are rocky he keeps coming home to me saying hes sorry and he still loves me i believe him but then he goes back to his other woman leaving me heartbroken all over again and his child confused!!! i know hes bad for me and clearly doesnt have any respect for me so why the hell cant i let go and move on???? i really want to stop loving him because its making my life a misery. my boyfriend left me two years ago for another woman completely out of the blue. i was devestated. we have a child which makes it alot harder for me to get over. in the two years hes had two relationships but everytime his relationships are rocky he keeps coming home to me saying hes sorry and he still loves me i believe him but then he goes back to his other woman leaving me heartbroken all over again and his child confused!!! i know hes bad for me and clearly doesnt have any respect for me so why the hell cant i let go and move on???? i really want to stop loving him because its making my life a misery.

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