How to deal with heartbreak
It may have been you that’s been dumped or you that instigated the break up, either way it is one of the most painful things we go through in life, that of losing a loved one and experiencing the heartbreak that goes with it.
After being in a relationship for so long it is hard to imagine life without your lover being around, you know each other inside out, you spend so much of your time together and share each other’s dreams, you plan and look forward to a future together and know how that it’s all going to work out. Then suddenly that has all gone, the shock and heartache can be devastating
and it can affect you immensely not just emotionally but physically too. Dealing with heartbreak is one of the hardest things we have to go through.
But you were ok before you met that person so why do you feel so bad now, why is it so hard to function without them?
You are experiencing grief physically and emotionally, this may sound weird as grief is normally associated with death, but after a break up you also experience loss. Not just the heartache of not being with your ex anymore, but also losing the dreams of the life that you planned together and that you associated with that person, you suddenly lose your direction, and the change and heartbreak can feel overwhelming.
Grief normally comes in a number of stages and you may experience all or some of the following in varying degrees.
Shock and Denial
For the first few days while you come to turns with your heartbreak you may well be in shock or denial that the relationship is over, you may not have expected it to end. You may be clinging on to the hope that the relationship can be saved or expecting your ex to call as they normally would. This reaction is perfectly normal and is to help us deal with the overwhelming shock of change. Shock can last for weeks, but it does become easier.
Realisation and Pain
There will come a day when it finally hits your ex is not going to call. You may feel unbearable emotional pain or anxiety, it’s easy to understand why it is called heartbreak, however it is important that you experience the pain fully and try not to bottle it up as this may lead to later difficulties, talk to your friends and family they really can help.
Do not turn to drugs or alcohol as they are both a depressant and may help short term but long term will have a very negative effect. This pain will pass; it will get better, honest!
Anger, Blame & Frustration
After the realisation hits you that your relationship is finally over, you may feel angry and want someone to blame for the break up, this may be your partner or somebody else. You may feel unfairly treated or believe you could have done something differently.
Often we keep repeating scenarios in our head and try to figure out how we could have changed the outcome of the break up. This can be exhausting as we try to figure out what the other person is thinking and what could have been said or done differently. This is natural and in time will pass, again its part of our coping mechanism and also in a way our learning mechanism as with every experience in life it is normal to analyse.
This is the time to let your anger and frustration out, cry, scream, hit the sofa, punch pillows, smash a cup/plate (not the expensive ones). Do not resort to physical violence or plot revenge on your ex; it’s just not worth it you will only regret this later.
Depression, loneliness and a feeling of hopelessness
For a while you may feel alone with a sense of hopelessness, no reason to carry on and maybe numb to the world. This is one of the hardest times to cope with as you probably feel lethargic as well, this will make it difficult to see hope and recovery.
This will get better and easier but the main thing to do is to talk it through with someone, and remember to eat, see tips on how to deal with this stage on the recover from your break up page.
Avoid alcohol and drugs while you’re feeling down – These both cause depression and will make you feel worse.
Everyone feels bad at this stage, however if you feel as though you can no longer cope, please see your doctor or a counsellor as they really can help.
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/
Other organisations that may be able to help you:-
http://www.connexions-direct.com/index.cfm?pid=99
Hope and recovery
Eventually you will start to feel better and your heartache is lifting, you will start to feel yourself once again. Depression, loneliness and hopelessness are slowly fading and you are adjusting to life without that person. You may still experience any one of the previous stages and may still get bad days but they should become less and less frequent. You know life is going to be ok and you want to live for yourself again.
Heartbreak is a lot for anyone to go through and after a relationship break up you may experience each one of these stages at different times and sometimes more than once. However there are a number of things you can do to help yourself get through each one of these stages, which are explained in the recovery section/
It may help to book mark this page and come back to it and digest it stage by stage.
