It may have been you that’s been dumped or you that instigated the break up, either way it is one of the most painful things we go through, that of losing a loved one and experiencing the heartbreak that goes with it.
After being in a relationship for so long it is hard to imagine your ex not being around, you know each other inside out, you spend so much of your time together and share each other’s dreams, you plan and look forward to a future together and know how that it’s all going to work out. Then suddenly that has all gone, the shock and heartache can be devastating and it can affect you immensely not just emotionally but physically too. Dealing with heartbreak is one of the hardest things we have to go through.
But you were ok before you met that person so why is it so hard to function without them now?
You are experiencing grief physically and emotionally, this may sound weird as grief is normally associated with death, but after a break up you also experience loss. Not just the heartache of not being with your ex anymore, but also losing the dreams of everything that you planned together and that you associated with that person, you suddenly lose your direction, and the change and heartbreak can be so completely overwhelming.
Grief normally comes in a number of stages and you may experience all or some of the following in varying degrees.
Stages of grief after a break-up
Shock and Denial – For the first few days while you come to turns with your heartbreak you may well be in shock or denial that the relationship is over, you may not have expected it to end. You may be clinging on to the hope that the relationship can be saved or expecting your ex to call as they normally would. This reaction is perfectly normal and is to help us cope with the overwhelming shock of change. Shock can last for weeks, but it does become easier.
Realisation and Pain – There will come a day when it finally hits your ex is not going to call. You may experience unbearable emotional pain or anxiety, it’s easy to understand why it is called heartbreak, however it is important that you experience the pain fully and try not to bottle it up as this may lead to later difficulties, talk to your friends and family they really can help.
Do not turn to drugs or alcohol as they are both a depressant and may help short term but long term will have a very negative effect. This pain will pass; it will get better, honest!
Anger, Blame & Frustration – After the realisation hits you that your relationship is finally over, you might be angry and want someone to blame for the break up, this may be your partner or somebody else. You may beleive you have been unfairly treated or believe you could have done something differently.
Often we keep repeating scenarios in our head and try to figure out how we could have changed the outcome of the break up. This can be exhausting as we try to figure out what the other person is thinking and what could have been said or done differently. This is natural and in time will pass, again its part of our coping mechanism, however infuriating this cycle can be it is very normal to analyse.
This is the time to let your anger and frustration out, cry, scream, hit the sofa, punch pillows, smash a cup/plate (not the expensive ones). Do not resort to physical violence or plot revenge on your ex; it’s just not worth it you will only regret this later.
Depression, loneliness and a sense of hopelessness – For a while you may feel alone with a sense of hopelessness, no reason to carry on and maybe numb to the world. This is one of the hardest times to cope with as you probably may become lethargic as well, this will make it difficult to see hope and recovery.
This will get better and easier but the main thing to do is to talk it through with someone, and remember to eat, see tips on how to cope with this stage on the how to get over a break up page.
Avoid alcohol and drugs – These both cause depression and will probably enhance your negative emotions.
This can be the hardest stage to deal with and everyone will struggle with their heartbreak and break up at this stage, however if it seems as though you can no longer cope, please see your doctor or a counsellor as they really can help.
http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/
Other organisations that may be able to help you:-
http://www.connexions-direct.com/index.cfm?pid=99
Hope and recovery after your break up - Eventually your heartache will lift adn you will become yourself once again. Depression, loneliness and hopelessness will slowly fade away and you will start to move on without that person. You may still experience any one of the previous stages and may still get bad days but they should become less and less frequent. You know everything is going to be ok and you want to live for yourself again.
Heartbreak is a lot for anyone to go through and after a relationship break up you may experience each one of these stages at different times and sometimes more than once. However there are a number of things you can do to help yourself get through each one of these stages, these are explained in how to get over a break up page.
Book mark this page and come back to it, and digest it stage by stage
i see it has been a while since anyone posted a comment so let me take this forward. This site has been a massive help to healing my broken heart and reminding me I still have a life to live.
I will keep my story brief as I want to focus more on the positives. Six months ago I let someone go thinking I was doing the right thing and they would have a better life with someone else. It was only after the event that I realized I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. Even more so when she met someone else, got pregnant and decided she would marry him. Only then I told her how I really felt but to no avail, she had moved on and had a new life to live.
My world just stopped moving. I was numb inside. What was the point of living, of working or doing anything when that special person was no longer in my life to share everything with. I didn’t wanna see anyone, talk to anyone, or eat. I couldn’t smile, concentrate or sleep. I found this site and read all the stages and thought ‘yeah right’ my life is over this is how I’m gonna feel for ever. I would cry at night and in the car on the way to work. I prayed to whichever God or higher power I thought would listen, I even prayed to the devil for her to come back into my life. She was on my mind 24/7 and nothing else mattered not even my family. I vowed never to fall in love again if this was the pain it caused. I thought and even tried of ways to get her backbut to no avail, she had switched off from me telling me I had my chance and I had pushed her away, away towards someone else. The knife in my heart just twisted even more.
I decided to let all my aggression & grief out by crying, telling everyone and joining a Total Combat Martial Arts Class. I spoke to all my friends and opened my heart, something I have never done in my life as I have always seen myself as invincible. It was three months later when I remember waking up one morning and for some reason I felt okay, sad but ok. It didn’t last and the heartache came back but I constantly questioned myself ‘why did I feel ok that morning?’. I came back on the site and looked at others. I asked everyone I knew about being in love & heartbreak and started to realize that I had not been singled out but was actually part of a very large ‘club’ a club no one had actually asked to join.
Six months on and the first stage has subsided. Although she is now pregnant and livingnwith her new man I actually don’t wanna cry any more. The sadness is still there but my own life is taking priority again. As much as I still want her back a small part is asking would it eally be the same if I had her back? the feelings have definately changed, I miss more what we had rather than having it back. I never thought I would get passed that first lonely, empty, i don’t wanna live anymore stage. But I have. I don’t know what my next stage is but until now I couldn’t even bring myself to write about this.
I know what helped me is this site, talking to people (anyone even customers at my work), crying, taking out my aggression (in a controlled enviroment) and forcing myself to be with friends. If anyone wants to contact me feel free yazgee@hotmail.co.uk
Maybe I will update this in a few weeks/months time and see where I am then.
Take care and don’t ever lose hope.
My girlfriend has recently broken up with me after four great years together. It has only been 10 days since it happened and I have been struggling to come to terms with it. We were fine 2 weeks ago and then three days later she rang and told me we that it was over. I couldn’t believe it I literally burst out crying and couldn’t deal with her decision. The next day she changed her number and deleted me off Facebook. We still have not spoke since and it is really getting to me. I have tried to work but I can’t stop thinking about her. I never want to have this feeling ever again. It’s nice to know that other people are feeling the same way as I feel as it is comforting , even though I would rather you all not to have to go through this! This is going to make me a stronger person in the future!
i loved him his all i eva had ma family never wanted to see him …. wil 4eva love u bt i hve to be strong and move on with my life
HI Stuart, Sorry to hear about your situation I know when you hear those things it can really hurt, I have been there myself and understand the dark thoughts that you are having, but i can honestly say that its not worth it. It does get better, but you need to give yourself some time to heal. Going through exams is also very stressful, have a read through the site and I hope it helps. If you are still having thoughts of suicide I would advise you to speak to a proffesional counsellor, as they can really help put things in perspective. Good luck and stay in in touch and let us know how you are getting on.
Thanks Mike
I wrote on here back in February 2011. It has been just over a year since my last posting on this page. Since I wrote last I have been to see a counsellor about my grief, I found it very helpful to be able to speak to somebody about how I felt. In November 2011 my ex contacted me, gave me mixed messages so I sent him a text asking him not to contact me again and that I shall not be contacting him.
In a moment of pure weakness I did send him a hi wish you well email in April 2012, got a reply but I left it at that and have not contacted him again.
I look back at how I was when we split, I was a wreck. I put on over a stone, have shed 101bs so far, got promotion at work and generally when I am busy and occupied I do not think of him which is brilliant, I never thought that day would arrive. I even went out the other night with a colleague, the first time I have gone out for a drink in the evening.
I have joined a few dating sites but have come to the realisation tonight that I am not ready to date and I accept that I may feel this way for a good couple of years yet for forever long it takes to heal.
On the whole I am content, my energy goes into making my flat nicer, I do a lot of decorating and spend most of my money here.
Sometimes I feel foolish for still having tender feelings for the ex; I am sure he would think me silly as well but it is as it is.
I do not ruminate as much as I did, going over things time and time again, the anger I feel towards him for hurting me is diminishing so slowly slowly, even if I do not date again I am feeling a whole lot better than I did a year ago. I have made great strides.
yes i know my name is a doctor who reference but i am i do wait for him. i hope one day he will turn up on my door step and take me away but deep down i know he doesnt excist and i cant bare that. i have never even met the man and i feel all those feelings and sometimes the pain is unbearable. i once blamed god for him not being real. i just wish he was i could never say these words aloud only type i couldnt even write incase someone saw and thought i was crazy and maybe i am but i believe. i believe in the man i love. i believe in the doctor.
I’m in the same situation as so many here. I was dumped a few weeks ago by my boyfriend of 16 months and just can’t move on. We had had a few problems – I am a single mother and he has already been a stepfather and was scared of screwing up another stepparent relationship plus he is going through hard times at work – but we had seemed to be resolving our issues so it was a huge shock when he finished it and I just can’t seem to move on.
I’ve done everything you’re not supposed to do, contacted him etc. We met up just over a week ago and seemed to resolve some issues/decide to try again and take things day by day. But I feel that he is almost letting his fear of hurting me and his feelings of unworthiness and depression stop him from really trying again …. and I just don’t know what to do. I can’t give up on him/us if there is the slightest chance we could get back together.
Apart from the past couple of months, we have been amazing together/never argued/had so much fun and he and my kids have got on so well which for me is really important.
He tells me loves me/misses me/ is miserable without me and when I said I’d been stood up the other day he immediately texted me to ask who by (was just a friend, I am in no way open to dating anyone else) … do I keep trying? Is there a chance? Am in despair and feel stuck in limbo ….
Hi Lulu,
I’m glad you find the website useful. With all break ups they do take time to get over, I know how hard it is, the best thing to do is keep yourself busy with things you enjoy and talk to your friends. I do think that it would be worthwhile you seeking some professional help as well, a counsellor will give you much more personal advice to your circumstances and they can really help. I wish you all the best; I promise you will get over this.
Mike
So i’d known this girl for about 3 years, we were very close friends. I always kinda had a thing for her, only problem was she had a boyfriend, who happens to be my best mate. Obviously i would never do anything to betray him, but i think she felt the same way about me. She would always confide in me when she felt sad or lonely. Then, last december, they broke up, and she moved away. Despite my feelings for her, theres kind of an unwritten rule about getting with your best mates ex, so, reluctantly, i decided it alone, and move on.
However, over the next few months, she began messaging me, more and more frequently. She would tell me how much she missed me, and how she really wanted to meet up. At first, i just kindly made excuses, telling her i was busy etc. I still thought it was too soon. Then, about a month ago, sends me a bold message, listing an exact date which she would come visit ( a weeks time) she also pointed out that she needed to sleep at my place that night. Now, at this point, i was sure she liked me more than a friend. I mean, she was willing to take a 3 hour coach trip, which would cost over 100 quid, just to come see me for a day.So against my better judgement, i agreed.
fast forward to the date, i met her at the station, and she was clearly VERY happy to see me. we had dinner together, then moved on to a pub. This whole time, she was very open with me about her feelings, telling me how lonely she felt, her bad experiences with men and so forth. Then after a few drinks, the conversation suddenly got a bit raunchy. She began talking very in depth about about sex, and the things she liked. This was a whole side to this girl i had never seen before, and i have to admit, i liked it.
We later moved on to a club. While we were rockin’ out the dance floor (as ya do) We began to get very close, she never took her eyes off me, and never stopped smiling. As the evening progressed, i decided it was time to make my move.
Then, something happened…
Before i got a chance to move in, her mood suddenly changed. She got very quiet, before saying she wanted to go home. This confused me, ALOT. I couldn’t figure out wether i did something wrong. So anyway, i took her back to my place, and then, she started to cry. It turns out she had some form of anxiety attack, which is why she suddenly wanted to leave. I could honestly understand what she was going through, as i have suffered panic attacks in the past, and they are not nice. So i comforted her till the early hours. I know it sounds selfish, but i was actually quite annoyed because i really wanted to kiss her that night, and seeing as she was so upset and her mood had completely changed, i felt that i’d missed my chance.
Then it got worse. Despite the fact that she originally arranged to spend an extra night, she insisted to go home that very day. At this point, i thought it was all over. so fast forward again, i walked her to the station where we said our goodbyes. Then, she locks me in a very passionate embrace, which lasted a good 20 secs. Then, as shes just about to leave, she jumped in for a second hug, this time coupled with a strong kiss, then she left. Now at this point, im not sure what to think.
Later that day, she text me, thanking me for being such a good friend. That, crushed me… Then, the next day she text me a really long message, talking about her day and that she was still very upset, and that she wished i was there to hug her. So i decided to go all or nothing, and i proposed to come visit her, just as she did me. She said that would be great, although i should give her a few MONTHS while she sorts herself out.
and here, ladies and gentleman, is where i am today. Did she just blow me off? does she genuinely need that much time to sort things out? either way, ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY. I really have no idea what to think. If she sees me as just a friend, why did she go through so much effort to see me? why the constant messages? She must have known how this would mislead me. i have genuinely never felt this way about a girl before, spending that day with her only confirmed that. So i feel like absolute shit at the moment, i just can’t stop thinking about her. Now i realise that my problems are minor compared to some others on this forum, but its still one of the worst pains i’ve ever felt. I really need some advice.
I know one dayill be better and move on but right now it hurts sooo bad ive always been strong but now im more weak than ive ever been it scares me..
Me and my bf broke up about a month ago. We met on fb and we.never actually met I know its stupid well we were together for 9 months and.i gave him my heart my everything I dont think I have ever loved a boy so much im 16 and im a mess im broken beyond repair I broke up with him bevause I needed to get closer to god and he didnt beleive in the same things.i did and.he.didnt support me and then the next day I realized I needed him in my life, we were so in love we skyped everyday talked for hours fell asleep on skype together but whrn I told him that I wanted him back he was like idk so we decided to take 5 days off from eachother to just think, well it got to like day two and he facebooked me and told me that he thought we should just be friends and we were for about 2 weeks then on our 9 month aniversaury he asked me back out and I said yes then the next dat he broke up with me because he didnt feel it anymore, that all happend about a month ago but gosg I loved him with all my heart he moved on two days later but I realized being his froend just caused me heartache and I keep having breakdowns where I cant even breath and I feel soo lonely and it hurts.so much. Well I decided not to talk to him anymore cause by being his friend and knowing he moved on and that he doesnt love me anymore and all of that hurts me soo badly so I havent taljed to him for two days but I still get this feeling of loneliness and it eats at me. Im thinking of getting on anti depressents so maybe it will help but I dont know….i hate this pain i want to be happy and get over him and be myself again but ontop of all of this my parentd just got a divorce and I lived with me my dad my three sisters and my little brother well when my.parents split my step mom took my two little sisters my little brother went back to his mom and my older sister moved out and now it just me and my dad and we just moved to new mexico where we know no one and I feel so alone at first I had zach my ex and he was here for me and I didnt have to feel alone but now hes gone and I feel more alone than ever u really dont know what to do antmore…i hate the hurt its eating me alive I really need some advice…please
Guys you have helped me a lot I thought I was the only one feeling worthless heartbroken, feeling like nothing can make me happy again. I’ve been with this guy for 2 years and we broke up 5 months ago and I still need him and want him I feel like nothing is worth living without him I love him so much but he don’t feel the same I have his name scarred into my arm with scars everywhere I cant live without him it’s like I need him in my life. We still argue and I cry myself to sleep every night I’m so heartbroken I feel nothing, worthless, empty, it’s like hes taken my heart and hasent given it back I have no idea what to do help?
This is for Elizabeth666 – How are you going now?
Unceremonisly dumped by the one person ever in my life 26 years together and two kids and over 2 years now and I am stuck with this terrible weight of sadness I carry around I feel my life is spoilt unable to move on living an existence of caring for my children and with every step I take with them a constant reminder of the man I love who betrayed me with another woman who has no remorse for aiding the destruction of my marriage with two failed marriages under her belt already. I feel worn and cast a side unable to love again hating every minute of every hour when does it end?
I agree 100% with you Luojie- this is my experience too- it has never gone away- it hasn’t diminished, and i can’t imagine getting over my true love- it has now been 15 years. I function, and bring up the children, and put on a smiling face and cheerful persona, but inside I’m brittle and pathetic
lost the man i loved through me being nasty and needy he is wheelchair bound and told me last week he loved me then last night that he didn’t he won’t answer my texts,phone calls or emails just told me not to contact him any more,
.How can he change so quickly he said i sent him abusive emails which i didn’t he wanted to be just friends because he said i stressed him and he couldn’t cope but now he doesn’t even want to be friends this has all happened in 2 weeks from loving me to not wanting me how do men tick
well my bf and i just broke up recently, and i feel soooo incomplete. were 2gether 4 1yr, he took my virginity, he’s my 1st love, only guy my family actually loved, and made me feel special. Now that he’s gone, its like wtf i miss u soo much! He wud call me everymornin just to tell me goodmornin, and made sure he told me he loved me everynight b4 i went 2 bed. One day, suddenly all dat changed nd he stopped talkn 2 me completely.. idk what i did wrong but i really do love him alot nd pray that i overcome these emotions nd hopefuly we could still b friends
zvakaoma kwazvo……..its a unussual experience …. howeva we have to cope up….after all life goes on ……….
This is for Meh and Kelly and anyone else of us who gets themselves in addictive, corrosive relationships and call them love. If love feels bad, if it stops us from functioning normally, if it hurts, it cant be love, it can only be a form of sickness. There is a book called ” Women who love too Much” I cant remember the author in case anyone needs me to confirm for them the author i will do so . It has helped me move on and break the trend of forming sick/bad relationships.
Love should be sweet and respectful of our human dignity otherwise other versions are something else not LOVE.
I was with my ex for 2 years… It was the most intense relationship I had ever experience. It started so well, had never felt happier, had never felt love until he came along.
Then things started to change… he would constantly ask about my past… constantly get arsey about any men that had been in my life even years before he had… my ex was still friends with members of my family and he would literally ban me from seeing him which obv stopped me seeing my family… he would get arsey whenever I wanted to go on a night out as if he didn’t trust me… things that would upset me so much and at the time I knew they weren’t right but I had never really felt love before so thought ‘maybe this is what it’s like, maybe I’m supposed to sacrifice things for him, maybe I should try harder to understand’.
The issue was over time I was finding it harder and harder to understand… I would get angry at him which would lead to endless arguments. We didn’t agree with anything. I felt like i was walking on eggshells I felt like I had to think about what I said in case I made mention to any of my past or anything he didn’t like.
It was the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life… so confused about whether I was happy or whether I was just desperate to be happy because of the love I felt for him. Eventually I began to realise I was no where near happy, it was such a difficult thing to come to terms with but I knew it wasn’t right… it was scarily wrong and I was started to feel extremely depressed.
He was unhappy too I knew it but I also knew he was too proud to admit it. We knew we loved each other but we also knew the issues we help personally were taking over our relationship… we let the demons in and they never left. He couldn’t accept that he was controlling and paranoid… I couldn’t accept being controlled.
I woke up one day and realised I didnt’ want this for the rest of my life so I literally packed my bags and left.. even though he wasn’t happy he was completely shocked and understandably heartbroken. I never wanted to hurt him but I had to do something and for some reason that day I felt like I had the courage to leave and I was scared that would go away.
So I left… I went to my parents and literally cried my eyes out. They didn’t have a clue what I had been going through, they knew we’d had problems but thought I was really happy now… shows how good I had got at covering it all up!
A couple weeks down the line I missed him terribly… I told him this and he missed me too. We agreed we needed some space and we would try and sort ourselves out.. I went to the doctors, went to see a counsellor and really started to feel happy again! What did he do… nothing! I realised I was never the one with the issue, it was him. He made me think it was all me, as if I was the one with the problems but I accepted that it wasn’t.
We tried to make it work last month but it didn’t happen… he told me last week that he’s found someone else… it hurts more than I could ever imagine… thinking of them both together etc. But I also feel that I was clearly right… it was never right. I just hope he doesn’t make the same mistakes again. Despite knowing I was right and that we weren’t right together… it doesn’t stop you loving each other, it doesn’t stop the chemistry or the lust… so I’ve realised now the only way its ever going to get better is to cut each other out. So that’s what I’ve done today… it took me a long time to actually do it but its done. I miss him already but need to let go! Let’s hope this pain doesn’t last too long!!!
I faced it too…we studied in med school together but we never had an interaction till we joined internship in a same unit…we became friends n then i started liking him…he liked me too…it would have been alright if i hadnt confessed..i wud have gotten over him ..eventually..but i did…against my better judgement…i had the time of my life for next month n half but since after that month and half..i ve been thru in simple words hell.. ive lost my dignity cz ive begged, i ve screamed in my pillow…n i ve tried to end it all but i couldnt do it..which is sad…
U cant tell if u meet me in person that i am going thru it cz i go abt my life as i am xpected to..but i am not the same person anymore..
This is the first time i am speaking out abt it…nobody knows..other than him..i am too well aware of the scar that is there on my heart that has rendered me permanently incapable of feeling truly happy again…
I stayed in the denial stage for like 8 months i doubt that is normal.Also my usual self IS depressed, hopeless and numb altering with feelings of grief.I wasn´t really told whatever it was was over in so many words, but there were communication difficulties so anyways it was completely obvious I only have myself to blame, either way I´ m not a good person so I don´t really deserve anything different anyway
He broke up with me because of me. I love him so much and its so hard for me to get over him. Every night I cry longing to hear his voices and him telling me how much he loves me. I never knew that it would end up being this way all because of myself not listening. how does one get over the father of your kids? He became my everything with him in my life nothing seemed impossible,he fulfilled every space in my heart. My question is how do I go back to fixing all this? I always wished to have a happy family since I experienced being raised by a single parent,I only wanted the best for my kids still do.I just don’t know how all this started.
I’m in the early stages of my breakup.we’ve bn together for 10mnths and he left me pregnant.its so hard,not coping depresssed bt I knw I wl get over it.ws deeply in love trusted him him bt he betrayed my feelings.its so hard to forget someone who gave u a lot to remember
Its been 19 years and I’m still hurting. Ready to give up on life. It will never end.
I kind of knew things were not going right, I kind of instigated the break up then when he dumped me its been hard. Was with him for six years, we lived together. When I met him I thought he was the “one”. How wrong could you be? We spilt in December 2011 but its still really, really hard. And to add to it all I broke my leg two weeks after we split. I’ve never needed him more. He didn’t bother asking how my leg was or visit me in hospital so it shows to me it was the right thing. To get over him, I’m getting out and about and dating again… even although I’m still in love with him.
My boyfriend of 3 years left me on Saturday. I thought he would come back but last night it happened. He said he isn’t coming back. He said he does not feel anything for me anymore. I have no idea how I’m going to cope. I love him more than anyone else I’ve had relationships with and now he is gone. We spent everyday together for 3 years. I just feel physically ill. I have absolutely no idea how I’m gonna get through this.
Thank God for the net. I now know I am not alone. There are others who have gone through this and I WILL SURVIVE! Though it really hurts!
God does not give us more than we can bear; this too will pass.
We were together 2 years, lived together a year. I’m utterly devastated and lost. I just want him back. I accepted who he was and the way he was. I adored him. I thought that by saying it was over he would pull his socks up and show more attention and affection. Now he’s gone and won’t even discuss coming back. It’s been a week now and I can’t stop crying. I have children, one is mentally disabled. He doesn’t understand what I’m going through and I just can’t keep the sadness hidden.
another thing that is really helping me to cope is exercise.
Just broke up with my girlfriend last week. Really struggling to cope with it. I think i´m still in denial and hope that we´ll get back together. I´m not as bad as I felt a few days ago though. It really does help talking to people. The most painful thing was the day we said goodbye to each other. We were both crying, knowing that it was the last time we´d be together as a couple. it was so awful. definitely the most painful thing I have ever experienced. the memory will haunt me for a long time.
Its terrible to feel like this, my boyfriend just dumped me we were living together for almost 2 years, I would do anything for him, he was my world. But both of us had a bad temper and slowly it started consuming our relationship; but we still kept trying (well at least me) . Everyone would tell me to leave him he was a jerk with me anyways and not good enough for me, but I kept trying cuz I adored him. Today he told me he never loved but only liked me, after everything, if it wasnt for me he would still be living with his sister or mother and would have his own place, truck, etc if it wasnt me pushing him. He lied to me that he wanted to get married and have a family with me, and he bluntly stated that yes it was a lie. I feel awful and I just dont know how Im going to get over him, plus he left me on debt cuz he got alot of stuff under my name/credit & i dont have a job so idk how im going to keep up with my payments
acheni waana move on
18 months on and I still love my husband of 24 yrs with all my heart. I manage my emotions alot better now but I still love and am in love with him. I still hope he will come back to me. He is with someone else who is very clingy by all accounts. I know that he will come back one day but I have to get on with my life now and to the outside world I am but he is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night.
Hi Luojie, Mike here the author of the site, I think you are completely correct, love never dies, especially when we lose those around us. And yes all those things to get over love and loss seem fickle and pointless, as you point out, at the time, a way to fill time until “the next” love comes along. But the things you love in life your passions, your interests, is what makes you, YOU. Personally I think and hope that it is possible to love more than once, I believe I have. When you fall from love, you fall hard, which is why it so much harder to get back up again, the hurt and pain is unbearable and I think this is the reason that we stop ourselves from loving again. Life is a precious gift and losing those around me has awoken me to that fact, I appreciate it so much more now and think that this was their final gift to me. I wish you well Luojie and hope that you find happiness and your faith again, please keep looking, it’s probably in the most unlikeliest of places : )
Meaningless drivel:
People talk about moving on, they say it’s been over two months and they still feel bad.
They say…
Change your interests, find something new to occupy your time.
Hey find someone else to take away the pain. Ye, why not,,, lets use them..! Let them know how it feels to be hurt.
But I could never do that,,, what if they ended up feeling as bad as me?
OK,,, so try just dating someone without getting serious … Try a few new hobbies … Well sure, I spent many years after losing her, writing freeware for the Internet, I also ran a website for charity. I even dated other women … YES, I’ve done all that, and let me tell you what I realised, and it’s real simple … The love you read about that people managed to get over in a month, year or even two..! Never actually existed, that’s right, it never even began.
TRUE LOVE NEVER DIES..!
I know, because ten years on, and many girlfriends later, I still hurt, I still love, I still need her.
Just because you think you were in love, you simply experienced what many people go through. They find someone they can relate to, and they tell themselves its love. But in fact it’s just settling for.
How many marriages do you see that last 5, 10, or 15 years. That’s because it was never love. The marriages you see still going 40 years on, with real affection and respect for each other are the real deal.
TRUE LOVE never even fades, it continues for the living partner when one passes away. AND BELIEVE ME,,, BECAUSE I KNOW..!
She had dreams, she had beauty and grace, so innocent in this world full of false promise, and what of my daughter barely able to stand, and yet striken from the world of light.
In love, life took the P*ss out of me, it made me wait until later years, then gave me a dream I never wanted to awaken from. Then it killed our child, and then it did the same to her.
Life went on to rob me of all my beliefs in God, in fortune, luck, and happiness, then finally the will to carry on.
LOVE??? … THEY DON’T KNOW THE MEANING…!!!
I care nothing for life, I care nothing for them, they are an irrelevance to love, as I am an irrelevance to life..!
The person I love, I’ve known since I was 4. I can’t get her out of my head. She protected me from everything, and everyone. I went to her for everything, and she came to me too. At the time of this writing I’m 18. I’ve been in love with her for 12 years. She also said she loved me when we were 13. Then school graduation came. We were forced to part. The last thing I said to her was ‘Should something happen to me, Just know that I love you’. I’ve been depressed for months, but I try to keep a happy face around my family. My friends knew how I felt. It doesn’t help that most of the songs on my computer, we recorded together. I’m sad yes, but do I regret falling in love? No. I have to say, I’d rather be sad and remember all those good times, than be happy and never experienced them.
Thankyou this has helped me and given me faith that the hurt wont last and it is ok to feel pain – i feel i am slowly letting go of the most painful experience i have ever had to deal with – its time for me to say goodnight and goodbye to pain and the hurt i felt
I know this sounds silly but I thought I wasn’t normal for feeling all of these things, so I am glad I’m not a psycho and not alone in feeling these things.
My ex really messed me up, we were only together for 3 months but I’d fallen for him before we’d even got together (we worked together) then once he had me, he lied, would hurt me, and he cheated, then told me it was all in my mind.
Until one of the women he was cheating on me with contacted me asking why we’d split because she thought he was cheating on her… turned out he was married too! And seeing 2 other girls. How could I have not known?
I felt so foolish.
I’ve recently got talking to a lad mate who I really like, I let how my ex treated me affect things with him and now he’s told me to do one. Now I feel heartbroken. He doesn’t want to know and I know I have to accept that, at the minute I keep thinking if I say this, it may win him over but I know deep down, I’m only making matters worse for myself and driving him away all the more.
This is for Kelly,Poor girl you sound so lovely and kind. If that stupid selfish man had any idea of the quality of lady he was losing he would run back to you in a second. I dont think he will realise this for a long time. Although Ive never been with a man who smoked drugs and went to jail my sister has. In fact your story sounds similar to hers. She stuck with him through all his bs and now, years later hes married a Thaii woman he found on the net. He thought women like my sister were ten a penny. Little did he know. Just like you they are rare, he will find that out and when hes had enough of being lonely and very very sad he will realise what he gave up.
This is what I think. the majority of men think that there are lots of women out there who will put up with them and love them as much as the woman they left. They cannot and will not value the rarity and beauty of that woman. Years later after lots of rubbish relationships they realise the blame is theirs and they are going to be old and alone.
Most men do not see intrinsic value in women. they devalue the love and support that the woman give sthem. They fall out of love as they see the relationship as dull predictable and boring. Then they mistake that for FALLING OUT OF LOVE!!!
They havent fallen out of love, they have simply started to take that woman for granted and no longer value what she does.
You cannot change this. I cannot change this. He is a total jerk. A loser. He must be aloser Kelly, he lost you. You are special and strong and wonderful and he screwed it up with drugs and prison. How pathetic is that?
Did you do that? Did you mess with your childs life? No. he did. Would you have ever done anything that took you away from your child and put you in JAIL!!!!
No. he did. Kelly my mom told me the other day that Im missing the relationship, not the man. Shes 71 and she said that he occupied me, filled my time. Now hes gone Im sad and lonely but thats because Im missing the interaction with another person who was there a lot. She made me question what I thought I was missing out on and I realised she was right. It was simply having him there. Im 46 Kelly. You are a chicken. A lovely young woman with a lovely little kid. You are going to be so happy in the future. I guarantee that if you keep that twit out of your heart you will,be available and open to real love. How can someone who smokes weed ever make rational decisions?
I know what Im talking about as I have seen it in my family. Weed messes up your head and heart. Hes not worth your life, love or time. Not unless he gets off that stuff and makes a concerted effort to stay out of jail and work to pay for his child.
Until or unless you are well out of it. One day, this year you will see that. It wont take that long. I promise. In fact if you are tough on yourself and him it should take two months max. Stay pretty, stay strong and you will forget he ever had the power over you that he had. One day you will laugh at his behaviour because you will see he is less mature than your child.
I have been split up from my boyfriend of 2 yrs for over 3 months now. I instigated the split but then when he accempted it I was deeply hurt and heartbroken. I moved out and went to live back with my family. I didnt hear anything from him which made me panic, i sent text messages but had no reply which hurt even more. A week after our split I phoned him and told him the split was all my fault and I was sorry and I want to come home. I told him I loved him and felt like I had lost everything. To this he replyed that he still loved me but he couldnt do it anymore and that it really was over.
I suppose at first I was in denial that out realationship was over. Eventually I began to except it. After that phone call I didnt contact him again because I knew the rejection would hurt to much. As the days and the weeks go by I feel better all the time. I do every now & then have bad days tho. Today is one of those days. But all I can hope for is that things get better & that one day I can totally forgive myself & him for the pain. One thing I do regret is telling him it was all my fault. There is never smoke without fire. I tell myself everyday that after every storm there will always come a rainbow.
hey, im going through so much pain it is like my heart and my stomach has been ripped out of me, i have been with my ex 11years on and off, and have a beautiful 3 year old together, we have been up 6 weeks, i went away for 4 weeks to sort my head out as we had a massive fight and it got violent, when i came back i wanted us to talk about our realationship, he told me that he misses me and that he loves and cares for me, i asked if he was still in love with with me and he said no, the pain that went through me was unbearable, we both sat there crying.
we have been through so much together and i have always been there for him even when we werent together, hes done so mch to me over the years, he cheated and left me for a so called friend, i took him back, i helped him through his drug addiction, helped him get a better relationship with his family again and stood by him when he went to prison, i took him back after he cheated then that was when he got sent down.
i thought he would change but he started going back to his old ways, going out all the time, smoking weed all the time, and thats when i called a break, i never thought for one minute, that in 4 weeks he would stop loving me.
i have spoke to him trying to get him to talk properly about us but he cant handle it and cant stand talking about his feelings, i have decided to move away, but i need to know if he ment what he said before i go.
hes always been my world my everything, it is killing me inside, i miss him so much, i cry constantly, especially at night when im in bed, ive changed my diet because i want to lose weight, but that hasnt picked up my mood, not one bit, one minute i am so angry at him, because of everything he has put me through, and the other that i just want to hold him and never want to let him go,
i cant cope with the way that i am feeling at all, i have never loved anyone the way that i love him, and im scared that will never feel like that about anyone else, i am 27, now and was supposed to of been getting this july, i cant stand seeing people getting married or anything like that, i dont know what to do anymore.
i am very confused , because of how upset he is and the way he tells me that he misses me to, i just want to know how he really feels.
if anyone has any advice for me please message me.
i have just broken up with my gf of 3 yrs i have 2 kids with her but the oldest isnt mine but i have brought him up as mine sinch he was 6 months. anyway i found out she was flirting with 3 guys on the internet who she used to sleep with in the past, i also found naked pictures of them and her which they sent to each other! i comfronted her about it and all she said she isnt happy and she hasnt felt anything for me for the last 10 months or so and she has only stayed with me for the kids what really hurt me, now she is acting cold towards me and not really talking and makes me feel like i have done something and it should be the other way round. i asked her if she would ever feel anything for me again and she said no and that im just not for her. we are both 23 have our own house and i work and do everything for our family, all this has came as a shock! i keep hoping that she will realise what a mistake she has made but apart of me doesnt, i do love her but she has changed so much, i just need some advice on this as it would be great! thanks guys
Yeh, I have to say, heartbreak’s a bitch. There was this girl I had a huge thing for. She was incredible. From a distance and up close, I knew I had to talk to her and knew we would never be together. It wasn’t a lack of self-esteem lol. I got it kicking off during freshers week. Haha the best moment was when I met her on the bus on her own. I asked why was she all by herself. She said she didn’t know. And I said someone like her should never be on their own. There should be a crowd surrounding you! haha But back to that bit about us never being together. It was just my instincts. Anyhow, I became friends with her and tried to help her out as best as I could. She asked help for her economics one time and I tried my best to help lol. But I made a right arse of myself in front of her and her friends. OMD! I had my folder out and I didn’t know what I was drawing on the paper because I was completely captivated by her marble round eyes! That was probably the first and last time she asked me for anything directly, via a text.
Then I guess I looked forward to seeing her at the University bar or at a club in town. I would never forget the time I got her to have a dance with me. It was only for a couple of minutes, but to me, it was like the peak of the next three years in Uni. Haha then my friend had a thing for her friend, who I didn’t really notice until my friend made me see how ‘hot’ she was. So, I guess I tried to use that as an excuse to get us together, you know, on better speaking terms. She always seemed so detached, quiet and mysterious. So my friend and I had this vision about one day, the two us going out with the two of them, and the four of us bumping into each other in the house! They’d be fighting for the bathroom while the two of us looked at each other (as in my friend and I) with a huge, cheesy grin on our faces.
Another time we had was outside the lecture hall. It rained big time and I lent her my umbrella. She then gave me an umbrella cover a couple of days later. I would never forget the way she approached me. I was at the front of the lecture theatre and she was at the back. I pretended not to notice her coming or waving because I was told I looked ABSOLUTELY ridiculous when I was around her. My euphoria was worrying, apparently lol. SO she gave it to me and then we went for coffee. Oh, another moment was when i got her a birthday card. I wasn’t even meant to be in the lecture and I passed her card down the row she was in. The envelop was pink and everything haha. What was I thinking! lol Still, I suppose stuff like that still brings a smile to my face.
Well, this was when things started going downhill. I was looking through some of her photo albums on facebook and wooooh! I saw a couple that really made me see my own folly. She was with this german skinhead in all these ‘dodgy’ places. That, along with what she said about East London being her favourite place because of the clubs, made me realise she wasn’t the sweet, innocent, and shy girl I knew. I heard stories too about her doing this and that every night. Well, don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with someone enjoying themselves. But there’s a fine line between having a good time and going ‘all out’ all the time. What really worried me was the fact that she had two different personas. One of them was for outside the club and the other was for, you know, clubbing. Then there was this manipulative side coming out from her. I guess I started seeing layers upon layers unfolding, which is kinda ironic because that’s how this narrative’s turning out!
More things happened after that. She brought two guys I knew were dodgy home with her. I was, well, completely bewildered by why she would do something like that. I kinda got the feeling she was humouring me the whole time…not leading me on because I wasn’t good enough for that lol. Still, I tried to speak my mind and treat her with respect and consideration. Again with the umbrella and revision help. loool at one point, I even offered her biscuits on lv4 in the library because I thought she’d be hungry at midnight. Me in the tacky blue raincoat made an impression to her and her A&F wearing friends I can tell you! Food became a big topic of mine. She said something about being able to make a potato salad and I thought, ‘you have got to be kidding me.’ I sent her my crappy receipes ova the summer and invited her to mine for some quick, 20 min cooking (without the microwave) before the end of the semester. I remember buying her some meds because she kept saying she had a migrane. Lol she probably meant she didn’t want to see me tho…
So yeh, then came the poetry. I guess I wanted to use what I felt to take my poetry to another level. I was really selfish twice if i recall correctly. The poetry was after when I tired to get with her ‘hot’ best friend my friend liked at the club. She was there and there was a part of me that wanted to solidify the fact that we were now just friends. I feel bad about it to this day. I dont know what went ova me that night. But I thank her ‘hot’ friend’s friend. She knew I was too drunk for me own good lol.
Back to the girl that broke my heart. I guess her rejection really hit me hard. I asked her out via a text knowing I’d be rejected. I did it not because I wanted to be with her, but because I wanted her to break my heart. I wanted her to stop me from loving her any more before it got any crazier. Those ‘dodgy’ pictures really got to me.
The real heartbreak happened today because she hasn’t changed. She’s as manipulative, callous, snobby, two-faced, and wild as ever. What’s really bad is the predictability. She rebels by conforming to the typical forms of rebellion. How can that be rebelling against ‘the system’? She conforms to one in order to rebel against the other.
I deleted her before because I knew it was for the best. Then I undeleted her because I thought maybe one day she’d need me. haha imagine that. But I kinda put my foot down tonight. The thing is, I know I’m not the kinda guy she’s into. That’s it. I don’t want to be either. I mean, I still feel bad about not being there for her ever again. But she’ll cope. She coped before. She probably struggled with my so-called ‘intensity’ for a year and a half lol. My best female friend used to describe me in that way because she had no other way of describing of eccentricity. I said it was love. She said it was intensity. But she could never agree on the assertion that it was an intense kinda love. haha
So, now that i’m back on track by focusing on my work, and she’s, well, as quiet and indifferent as ever, would this all count as a ‘happily ever after’?.
I am in the beginnig stages of this breakup. Im not even gonna lie. I feel as if I just can’t go on without him. This is literally killing me inside. I have 3 children that I am responsible for. I go thru the motions but inside im a wreck. The bad part is is I still love him. I am still in love with him. It hasn’t even been a month and yet he’s moved on to several girls. I was with this man for over a year. I supported him through everything. And just like that he acn move on??? I feel like crap. Part of me wishes that this pain would just go away. That he never existed in my life.
Hi
I recently split after a 32 year marriage he was the only man I have ever loved the only man I have ever spent time with. We did everything together, no one was more shocked than me when he told me he had been having an affair with my friend, I totally trusted him. I was heartbroken, trust had been broken not only with my husband but also a friend.
We want to remain friends, he constantly rings me and calls around the house, friends tell me to tell him to push off, but I want to remain friends with him. Iknow he only ringing and calling me out of guilt I suppose, but he said I am the best friend he has ever had and he does not want to lose me?
I have cleared the house of all his belongings, I have re-decorated the house from top to bottom, I have put away all the photographs and the memories that we had, I sit and talk to a couple of our friends, but they must be sick of me crying and going over and over what he has done. They too are at a loss as to what to say because they too are hurt because of his betrayal.
I am enjoying reading the site and the comments that you are putting on and I seem to be doing everything that you are recommending, but its the lonelyness I cant stand, after spending 32 years with someone and sharing the same friends its hard to start afresh, but I am trying and I hate to say it, but now I feel friends are perhaps pulling away because they dont want to take sides and basically they are leaving both of us to, so not only have I lost my best friend and lover I am also losing friends and I hate it.
I hope you do get over a broken heart, but at the minute it does not feel like it, but I would like to say thank you for the things you have put on here because it shows that I am doing everything right…. your one thing that I am doing wrong, is by keeping in touch with him (well rather he keeping in touch with me) but part of me does not want to ever lose touch with him, but the other part says I know I have to..
thanks
3 months on after our break up. Glad I found this site, especially the explanation of the stages you go through after a break up. I really loved my ex, truly did, I hope one day when there are no ulterior motives for contact eg me wanting to ressurect the relationship that we can chat as friends. At the moment I am in between stages, feeling sad that we parted, coming to terms accepting he will never contact me again and finding myself feeling extremely angry towards him for calling time on the relationship …. well it was a reconciliation really. The reconciliation never worked however I remained in love with him and now have the job of healing my heart. I am trying to be logical and looking at the part I played in this, my faults and not just lay the blame at his door. I try to look at the whole picture and think to myself if I am feeling sad I am sure he is feeling sad and try not to hate him for not contacting me, I try to understand, look at the big picture that he may not be contacting me like I am not contacting him because it is too painful. Valentines day today was hard, I felt extremely sad, wanted to cry at work but held myself together. Time is a healer I know that having said that I recognise at the moment I do not feel to date anybody again for a long long long time. Love takes a long time to fade, I cant just stop loving him because he called time on our relationship. Nevermind there you go. I have to survive.
Bloody hell how much trauma are you going through?,first of all as a third party with horrible experiences of impossible situations I need to advise that you get the hell away and be as closed to him as possible,you need to take the rains,separated means separated divorce will follow and it’s a piece of cake after 2 years (which is what i did).I wasted so much of my life trying n fighting the loosing battles,am alone now which I don’t really enjoy but when I think back to crying in my car parked up somewhere and pondering the worst thoughts I am 100 times happier (promise) and i’m a bloke….best off luck and just do it
I am in the very early stages of my marriage break up. We have been married for only 3 yrs. I dont know why i fell so distraught as he has left me many many times during our 8 yrs together. Thankfully there has never been a third party. When he goes and i try and talk to him he becomes very spiteful and says incredably nasty things like me and our marriage is boring, but i still feel that because its a marriage it is my duty it mend it at all costs, he never does though. When we are apart he says he’s made the right decision but when i suggest divorce as a next step he says divorce is not the answer and then i feel like he wants me back again so i work haeder to get him back. When we are back he says things like thankyou for fixing us, thank goodness theres one strong person in this marriage, and that we would be nothing without me and my fight. This confuses and thrills me at the same time. During the summer just gone i sat him down, made him a cuppa and asked him nicely if he would pls agree to a divorce. He was going on holiday the following week (without me). He took me by the shoulders and said he could not agree to a divorce so pls dont ask him again. He went away and even though i asked him not contact me while he was away, he did. It seems like when i try to come to terms with him leaving and mention this to him, he panics and then wont leave me fully. This way i cannot move on as i would never consider seeing anyone behind his back. Anyway, i find myself here again. I start a new job next week and wanted the support that only a partner can give but ha’s upiand left again. What the hell do i do?
he left me two years ago yet i keep on going through each of these stages over and over lol. i just wish i was strong enough not to let him back in my life when ever he feels like, he knows hes messing me up and are 3 yr old has to see me angry and depressed when he leaves again why wont he just go!!!!
thank you though for this site ive saved it to my faves and ill keep re-reading it xxx