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Dealing with Heartbreak

Heartbreak is one of the hardest things we experience in life and learning how to cope and understand the different stages of heartbreak is essential to your recovery.

Man going through heartbreak

 

You are experiencing grief physically and emotionally, this may sound weird as grief is normally associated with death, but after a break up you also experience loss. Not just the heartache of not being with your ex anymore, but also losing the dreams of everything that you planned together and that you associated with that person, you suddenly lose your direction, and the change and heartbreak can be so completely overwhelming.

Grief normally comes in a number of stages and you may experience all or some of the following in varying degrees.

 

The 5 Stages of Heartbreak

Shock and Denial – For the first few days while you come to turns with your heartbreak you may well be in shock or denial that the relationship is over, you may not have expected it to end. You may be clinging on to the hope that the relationship can be saved or expecting your ex to call as they normally would. This reaction is perfectly normal and is to help us cope with the overwhelming shock of change. Shock can last for weeks, but it does become easier.

 

Realisation and Pain – There will come a day when it finally hits your ex is not going to call. You may experience unbearable emotional pain or anxiety, it’s easy to understand why it is called heartbreak, however it is important that you experience the pain fully and try not to bottle it up as this may lead to later difficulties, talk to your friends and family they really can help.

Do not turn to drugs or alcohol as they are both a depressant and may help short term but long term will have a very negative effect. This pain will pass; it will get better, honest!

 

Anger, Blame & Frustration – After the realisation hits you that your relationship is finally over, you might be angry and want someone to blame for the break up, this may be your partner or somebody else. You may beleive you have been unfairly treated or believe you could have done something differently.

Often we keep repeating scenarios in our head and try to figure out how we could have changed the outcome of the break up. This can be exhausting as we try to figure out what the other person is thinking and what could have been said or done differently. This is natural and in time will pass, again its part of our coping mechanism, however infuriating this cycle can be it is very normal to analyse.

This is the time to let your anger and frustration out, cry, scream, hit the sofa, punch pillows, smash a cup/plate (not the expensive ones). Do not resort to physical violence or plot revenge on your ex; it’s just not worth it you will only regret this later.

 

Depression, loneliness and a sense of hopelessness – For a while you may feel alone with a sense of hopelessness, no reason to carry on and maybe numb to the world. This is one of the hardest times to cope with as you probably may become lethargic as well, this will make it difficult to see hope and recovery.

This will get better and easier but the main thing to do is to talk it through with someone, and remember to eat, see tips on how to cope with this stage on the how to get over a break up page.

Avoid alcohol and drugs – These both cause depression and will probably enhance your negative emotions.

This can be the hardest stage to deal with and everyone will struggle with their heartbreak and break up at this stage, however if it seems as though you can no longer cope, please see your doctor or a counsellor as they really can help.

Counselling-directory.org.uk

Other organisations that may be able to help you:-

Samaritans.org
Oneplusone.org.uk

 

Hope and recovery after your break up – Eventually your heartache will lift adn you will become yourself once again. Depression, loneliness and hopelessness will slowly fade away and you will start to move on without that person. You may still experience any one of the previous stages and may still get bad days but they should become less and less frequent. You know everything is going to be ok and you want to live for yourself again.

Heartbreak is a lot for anyone to go through and after a relationship break up you may experience each one of these stages at different times and sometimes more than once. However there are a number of things you can do to help yourself get through each one of these stages, these are explained in how to get over a break up page.

 

 

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by Mike Sheppard

74 Comments

  1. Erick says:

    For Shaun (August 26)
    Keep it up buddy, just read your post and felt for you. I’m going thru something similar, in total shock now, can’t believe I got dumped.
    But this too shall pass, nothing bad in crying it out. Guaranteed this will get better, you (I) will feel better, we will find somebody else, time will heal us both. Let’s keep positive, pray the days fly by so the healing takes it’s natural course. hang in there, It’s awful, but it will be okay soon! :)
    Cheers,
    Erick

  2. Shaun says:

    Hi. I have spent literally hours on the internet looking for somewhere to post my story. I just want to share my thoughts and talk about how I am feelling.
    I am 47 and earlier this year I met a woman I shall call N on a dating site. We shared some fun emails and arranged to meet. I saw her in her car outside the bar and she smiled and waved..I was nervous but immediately felt better. Funnily her photos didn’t make her look as pretty as she was and as soon as I saw her I liked her enormously.
    We hit it off straight away , she was a bit scatty but very sexy and had been through a separation after a 27 year marriage. She is 5 years older than me but it didn’t matter at all , am just mentioning this for the story. We had a hug goodbye and I really wanted to kiss her but thought i’d wait as I didn’t want to appear pushy. 2nd date came soon after and then the third until she stayed at mine. We didn’t ‘sleep’ together at first as she had rules….she didn’t stick to them for too long luckily as she really liked me too. It was great and I was smitten.
    She invited me to hers and I followed her there in my car , it was a fantastic house. A proper English Manor house … stables , swimming pool , tennis court , masses of land…I was surprised as she was so nice and not ‘up herself’ as we say.
    I started staying every weekend , we got on so well , we had a connection. You know when you look into someones eyes when you make love and they look into yours ‘like that’. It’s the finest feeling in the world. I was happy , friends could tell , they’d never seen me happier. We had plans for the year , we matched our diaries and to be honest it was a total dream . We did everthing together around the place and I loved being busy with her all day working laughing and loving.
    My dreams were suddenly shattered on August 6th when in the space of a 5 minute phone call I had lost my best friend and lover. ‘It’s not you it’s me’ was mentioned….I fell into shock. I made the decision not to contact her and to brave it out and was doing quite well until stupidly I looked at her FB profile and her relationship status said ‘in a relationship with …. …. since 31st July…My stomach twisted into a knot and I am still in total shock and feel such sadness and betrayal I cannot describe. I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from this. I cannot sleep or eat and I cry everyday and well up with tears on numerous occasions. I wish the pain would go away. I’m hiding from the world at the moment as if I talk to anyone I know I will break down in front of them and it’ll look crazy.
    I will understand one day but for now it’s tough.
    To anyone else feeling the same I just want to say that you are not alone and please try to stay strong.

  3. Ryan says:

    Hi everyone, I just found this website and I think it would really help to talk to random people about what just happened to me simply because I’m tired of hearing the same bullshit from friends and family saying “im sorry” or “that sucks is there anything I can do?”

    I met my girlfriend, (well, as of today my ex..) the summer before she started highschool, I am one year older than her. I don’t know if it was because it was the first girl who really showed interest in me but man I fell for her hard, and she fell for me. We went through a lot of challenges together, she was fighting through depression which slowly did go away, I could go on and on about the things we faced. She is part of who I am because I grew with her by my side helping me through anything that came at me. A few months ago she started hanging out with a friend from work, Will. I’ve always been the jealous type, she could tell whenever she brought him up but assured me that she loves me and only me, and she would never do anything to betray my trust. Then today I wake up to a long text from her saying she doesn’t know what to do and how it isn’t fair for me to have a relationship with someone who has feelings for somebody else. I instantly called her and we talked for a bit. She told me she loves me, and promises she never did anything with him, but she does like Will. I was shocked, my stomach felt like it exploded. I won’t continue on with the story of how the day went leading up to right now, sitting at work at 5:00AM waiting for my backshift at a gas station to end so I can finally go home and sleep. But I’m so confused. How can somebody love someone, and then start liking some other guy? I feel like I did something wrong or there’s something I don’t have that this guy does have. She told me I was and am a perfect boyfriend and she wishes she didn’t have these feelings for him so we can continue our relationship, but she does have feelings for him. As of right now she tells me were on a “break”, and that she just needs to “figure things out” whatever the hell that means. In my mind its over though, I have little faith that she will end up coming back to me and words cannot express how much it hurts. She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and we were so happy, I’ve never felt as comfortable around another person as I did with her and its scary and gut wrenching knowing that I won’t feel her love anymore, I keep thinking about how lonely I will be and I find myself escaping that feeling for a short time, maybe 20 minutes, then BAM its back to feeling worthless. I’ve recently gone through a very difficult part of growing up aswell, just 2 months ago my best friend decided a girl he just met with a 2 year old daughter is more important than me, and that girl ended up burning his bridges with me. Somehow my best friend who told me to my face that I was the nicest and most caring person he has ever met, was convinced I was a selfish, egotistical asshole. I went to counselling for a while for this, it helped me get over him but it still left me feeling empty and depressed. My ex was the one thing in my life I could always rely on to make me smile, and now that she’s gone I don’t really know what to do. I don’t think I will ever love anyone the way I love her, I don’t think I will ever be as happy as I was with her. Everyone tells me I’m wrong and god damn do I hope I am wrong, and I know that time will heal me. But how do I get through those long nights wishing I had someone’s head on my chest playing with my hair?

  4. elias says:

    I can relate to your feelings and experiences my girl just left me after 2 years together.
    I’ve experienced every emotion from crying , anger and betrayal to wanting her back.
    I sit in this parking lot and write this, truth is I don’t want her back this hurts and believe me I’m hurting bad, the sad thing is I’m the kind of guy who will give you his last pound, I stood by her through out all her issues but she left me 3 days ago, the writing was on the wall and I said every word I could tried all I could but she left me still.
    I hope to stand stand taller than I ever did and not chase as she is now seeing someone else.

    I’m on nanimoyo@gmail.com if anyone wants to chat.

  5. warren says:

    don’t know where to start but i Googled heart break and fell on this site, the explanations of the process makes sense and makes it more clear of emotions im going through, yes im realy hurt and in denial but its been a few weeks now and she just left, asked why and they were just little useless excuses that a child would use, i try talking and going into depth i even asked loads of questions and just tried to get yes or no answer but all i get is i don’t know, so im confused? we were together 3 years and lived together for two, she moved in with me and moved 50 miles, everything was great, we told each other everything. she was my best friend as well, im not gonna say it was picture perfect but at times we had our moments but not too extreme where one of us would have the couch for the night… but in the end she left and i took her thinking she would be alright after few days.. but still no sign of her coming home, she even found a flat now, im trying to carry on as normal i work and not everyone knows especially family and close friends so was awkward for a while, i went from happy loud to sad and agitated and everyone just annoyed me, i now find my self isolated and don’t go out or even open the curtains, but after reading through this im not the only one in the world who suffered…. id do anything to have her back. if only i new what went wrong or even try and fix it, but the way i can only see is that she just had enough and i wasn’t what she wanted, i maybe wrong but i know her and it just aint right…. one day she may tell me or she wont but she lives miles away so no fear of bumping into each other… but just in-case you didn’t notice im 30 years old and male, see men do have hearts…

  6. Frankie says:

    Hi All………I desperately wanted to share my story with you guys. I came onto this website in desperate need for help as to how to cope with a breakup,HEARTBREAK last year. To start with I was clinically diagnosed with anxiety disorder and suffered from panic attacks when I was just 19. I believed life was over! I couldn’t leave my house for over a year as the thought of just getting dressed and organising myself would set off a panic attack and then I was so exhausted I would just need to sleep! I never thought anyone would be interested in me as a friend let alone a relationship! Over the years..taking little progressive steps I have grown from strength to strength! and I literally can’t believe it! But this time last year I fell deeply in love with someone….we only met originally for some fun and ended up livin in each others pockets for nine months…I was scared because I had a new job that seemed to ggod to be true, a boy who thought I was something special, a boy who seemed to good to be true! He would do things you’d only ever dream about and saw in the movies, and my horse riding hobby was also going amazingly! I remember thinking I am on cloud nine..but naturally being me I would often wake up panicing cause I couldn’t help but look down from cloud nine and think jeeze that is very high up and gonna really hurt if I fall!! Well I fell…and it hurt, excrutiatingly! I wanted to die! Me and this dream boy had planned so much in the future together..he wanted all the same hings as me, he was from Ireland and planned to go back there to settle in the long run and I was willing to go with him. He even took me to meet his family within three months which is apparently unheard of with the irish unless they’re 100% serious, he showed me where WE’D have OUR house, talked about going to Canada in July to meet his other brother and do a bit of traveling and I met all his friends etc. We were due to go back to Ireland for his friends 30th birthday one weekend and I went to see him on the Wednesday night before and just like that he told me he was depressed, wasn’t happy in England, was going home and didn’t think of me working in that equation! NICE FEELING! Don’t get me wrong, he had a lot happening back at home, dad terminally ill with cancer so he felt guilty being in England leaving his Mum and one of his other brothers to deal with the stresses but it was the complete abandonment I felt that sent me spiralling! I gone from having a picture in my head of a future to the board being wiped cleaned and EMPTY. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t stop vomiting, actually felt like my heart was going to explode, no sleep as way too busy crying for him..councilors helped a bit and anti depressants but this went on for a good three months! Positive side I lost two stone! So in my irrational thought process of I’m too chicken to kill myself and be that selfish for my family I realised I needed a new future…something to focus on! It started with quit smoking and drinking as they only made my moods/feelings worse so I signed up to do a half marathon (AWESOME IT WAS) and then I decided I needed some sort of motivation to get on and out of bed over the winter so I went against everything that normal anxiety would allow and got a race horse (my disgusting thoughts were do or die trying, what have I to lose) and have been training and riding in point to point races! What an acheivement! one of the most stressful situations I could ever put myself under and I stuck my two fingers up at panic/anxiety and told it where to go…don’t get me wrong I still have the odd episode of breathlessness and negativity but I now know i can beat it! And on the miracle up side also, is during this time racing /i have met a new man and he’s AMAZING! He’s made me realise that everything happens for a reason and I never thought at the time that anyone would/could ever compare to the irish lad but he’s over and above what he was! You start to realise the not so great things that existed in your previous relationships that you were completely blinded by during them and the initial heaart break!

    Basically what I am trying to say and share is that anxiety and heartbreak is not the end of life at all!! It is a massive and very painful learning process that you get through which makes you a MUCH stronger and in control person than you ever were or imagined you’d be! I am now nearly 30, I now have a degree, a better job, a flat of my own, for now fingers crossed a dream come true boyfriend (its only been 6 months and i’m gaurded!) and an awesome horse who means the world to me! :)

  7. Em says:

    I was with my fiancé for 5 and a half years, lived with him for 3 years and engaged for 6 months last Thursday he told me he felt different and we broke up, things weren’t the same and asked me to leave and move back home, I am devastated, gutted, heartbroken. I cannot stop thinking about him I am just waiting for the day I get a text saying come home please what can I do, I’m trying no contact but its so hard. I dream about him every night cry everyday I’m just in bits.

  8. Tracey says:

    Time most definitely heals everything I am FINALLY over him!! The main things that helped me is jogging before I went to bed so I was really tired and went to sleep easier. Another thing I did was focus on my calf enterprise at school they took up 99% of my time. Also talking to the schools counselor, it feels great! I am going to start concentrating on just my school work now no more boys for a while now. I’m so glad I’m over him now, thank you to everyone that has helped me through this hard time.

  9. Ogochukwu says:

    am 22 and he is 21. A friend introduced us and we started dating. we planned our future together. he told me he loved me and i believed him. cos i loved him too. bt he cheated on me often. love is so difficult, i was gonna introduce him to my family after my graduation bt i broke up with him yesterday. he cheated again and even lied to my face. am so sad i wish i never met him. now all i do is cry, he wouldn’t even stop calling. forgetting him aint easy cos he was everything to me. i wanna forget him but i dont know how to. nothing is working i need help

  10. Lazypieman says:

    Hi Tracey, First of all well done, it takes a lot of courage to speak and share with people your innermost feelings. Unfortunately heartbreak is never a quick fix, it is not something that goes away over night and there is no magic pill, we are meant to feel pain so that we can understand the good times in life, I truly believe this.
    I would carry on speaking to your wellbeing person and give them a chance, just letting it off your chest will help and speak to your friends and other family maybe. Sometimes people are just not right for one and other and as hard as it is to accept it, sometimes we just have too. But believe me when I say there IS or WILL be someone who will be perfect for you. But for now the best thing you can do is throw yourself into the things you love, your hobbies and interests, or fitness!! Fitness always make you feel better, try it, go for a run with some great tunes on, I bet you feel a tiny bit better!! Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are and think to yourself “HIS LOSS!!”.
    Good luck and come back and see us, I am sure you will start to feel happier soon. Mike

  11. Tracey says:

    Thankyou Mike for your reply back
    I took your advice I started seeing my schools wellbeing person. It hasnt helped me so far though. When I told my parents that I am suicidal and that I self harm they didnt say anything. I started school yesterday and nothing has changed if anything I feel worse then what I oringally did, I see him everyday when he passes my locker and he looks so happy it doesnt bother him one bit how much pain im in. He has seen me crying and just pretended he didnt see me. He wont even glance at me. The thing that makes me upset the most is that he wont even tell me the reason why he left me. I really dont know what to do anymore I miss him more everyday.

  12. Kyra says:

    Please help me, Im 12 he’s 10 I thought I had found the one but I hadent seen him for ages becase he left the activity we did together, plus both our parents are always bissy even while Im writing this mesage Im crying, please help I don’t know what to do? It’s almost been 5 months.

  13. Lazypieman says:

    Hi Tracey, Sorry to hear about your problems, I know how much going though a break up can hurt from personal experience and have felt exactly the same way as you are right now. My advice to you is to speak to your friends and family about this as they will be able to help you. Its also worth speaking to your doctor about counselling as it does help, and your doctor will fully understand your problems and what you are going through. There are also organisations to speak to like the Samaritans (08457 90 90 90) who are there to listen and help with peoples problems, they are a very useful organisation. So please don’t feel like you are alone, there are lots of people who understand what you are going through. I wish you all best, please stay in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

    Mike

  14. Tracey says:

    My boyfriend broke up with me about 3 weeks ago, after being together for two years i still cant seem to stop crying over him. We did everything together and we always saw each other everyday including weekends, everynight we would stay on skype untill late at night. We were both so happy the day before he broke up with me he had said he loved me. He broke up with me over facebook and said ‘ it’s over’ For these 3 weeks i have been trying everything to get him back. At one stage he actually did miss me but his friends who hates me kept telling him I never let him breathe and that he is better of without me. Last week he went out with girls that he had never met before with this certian friend. He has since blocked me on everything and I dont know what to do anymore, i have been having suicidal thoughts for the past week and even self halmed the first week. During the first week I finally convinced him to see me and we spent the whole day together and because we live basically next door to each other we met at our spot we always used to sit at during the day he kissed me on the lips and said he loved me he even let me go to his house. I have been planning my suicide for a while now I’ve told myself if I dont feel any better in the next 3 weeks then I can kill myself. I just want him back in my life again.

  15. VAS says:

    ive just been dumped after 20 years of loyalty and love all i know is him im trying to live but feel i cant i used to be a pretty but health issues destroyed my looks and confidence no longer exists im so lonely i cant breathe

  16. Elton Tewmey says:

    We have the worst memory! I’ve had a notebook/planner for a long time…I actually never know what I would do devoid of it!

  17. Liisa says:

    Thank you so much for this sight.

    Unfortunately for me this has happened in such a way that i do not know how to cope. Thank you for posting the stages and explaining that it is grief I am going through. I have been through break ups before but i think because i cannot get my ex out of my life due to financial connection it is like i am constantly in shock pain, frustration and loneyness whenever in contact with him.

    I hope i can get through this, but the constant sudden crying is quite frankly ridiculous. Many thanks for every1 who has shared their stories.

  18. Angela says:

    my boyfriend and I have been broken up for the past two months after being together for two and a half years I thought he was my soul mate. Let me explain I met him at work I was still married but my now ex husband and I led separate lives we only stayed together for our son. Anyway I met dave at work at first he didn’t feel the same way but he decided to take a chance on us. it wasn’t a good relationship and after a 9 months he decided he needed space I was too “full on” but I was head over heals in love with him. After a month we got back together and then another 9 months later we split up he told me he didn’t love me and so even though it hurt I got on with my life a month later he came back and said he missed me and we got back together. for the past 12 months I thought we were ok but he would never commit he would never move in always saying don’t rush me, I need my space and then 2 months ago he told me he didn’t love me anymore. I thought it would be like all the other times and I kept ringing him but he wouldn’t answer any of my texts or phone calls. And then last week he rang to tell me he had moved out of the area and that he still cares but he doesn’t miss me yet ???? I rang him but he doesn’t answer or reply to any of my texts and I think why are you doing this to me. My friends think am crazy they say he his playing games and messing with my head. I have tried to not ring him and managed a whole week and tonight I rang and guess what…he doesn’t answer and then its like I don’t know how to stop myself I keep ringing and texting and he still doesn’t answer and I think I am slowly going crazy.
    But now i have had to say to myself JUST STOP it will only make things worse you wont feel better let him go and my head wants to but my heart doesn’t.
    i feel like this hurt will never stop and that my life will never be the same i miss him even though he has treated me really bad

  19. Jenny says:

    After 15 years he’s left me he told me he doesn’t love me & never has I found out he’s seeing some one else & fell in love with her it’s all been fake & he’s lied to me for all those years it’s been four months he’s been textin & phoneing & playing with my head I’m realy numb some days I don’t want to wake up I’m trying to find a way to deal with it but its so hard it’s painfull & I’m trying to move on I no it’s gona be hard but hopefully I will one day be able to move on thanks to this site I feel I’m not on my own life is so un fair but thanks you guys xx

  20. H. A says:

    Where to start? I’m writing here as a way to vent, I’m aware of that, and should say that first.

    I met my now-ex-girlfriend about 15 months ago. It was an online relationship, although that doesn’t make it less real. She is five years older than me, too – I’m coming up 17, she’s coming up 22. And she’s been breaking my heart for months. She has a lot of emotional problems, stemming from events in her past, and I’ve dealt with them better than anyone else ever had for her. There was a lot of bullshit I put up with from her, and she knew that she was difficult and was usually astounded at how I always forgave her and stood by her. This isn’t to say I didn’t fuck up sometimes, and she pulled me through a lot of stuff too. We shared, and still share, a bond that is deeper than either of us can say – that transcends the romantic side of our relationship, to the point where we each feel the other is core to who we have become.

    Thing is, those emotional difficulties of hers have meant for a long time, we were very on-and-off. She treated me like shit and we both know she did, but I always forgave her because I knew her, I understood her and the reasons why she did what she did. Recently, however, we had our first chance to meet. Leading up to that meeting, we were still discussing things like making love; things a loving couple shares, that was very meaningful and important to us both, especially as we are still both virgins. When we met, we kissed, it was a perfect perfect night. I was ecstatic. The next day, however, I was informed by a mutual friend – and it was confirmed by her – that she didn’t really want to be with me. I’d had to travel to see her, a week before the most important exams of my life; I risked my entire future just to see her for a couple of days, and she decided then to tell me everything we’d shared recently (including discussions of making love, and all sorts of other things) was essentially a lie. This is the sort of thing she pulls all the time, but this… felt like the last straw, for me, because it was so important and so risky to go and finally see hee after 15 months of wanting to be near her, to see her, hold her.

    I’ve been talking to her less and less since, unable to face the feelings of hurt and betrayal. When I did try, she instead went into a group chat we both have friends in, told them all I was clingy, and got me kicked out of the group, made me lose my friends. I was pretty mad and pretty close to just cutting off contact, and we didn’t speak for a couple of days, which is pretty much a first in our relationship. Tonight she messaged me, drunk, told me shed passed out earlier in the day from not eating (another example of the sort of thing she does, which I’ve been dealing with for over a year), and… well, the conversation didn’t go well. She’s so different from the person I met a year ago, whom I shared dreams of marriage and children with…… I just… I know it’d be best for me to leave her, cut off contact, especially as I’m in the middle of my exams, but I also know her emotional state, and her past. I know that if I did that, I’d completely shatter her, and no matter how poorly she’s treated me (the events in this post barely even scratch the surface), and I can’t do that. I won’t abandon her, because I’m all she fucking has, that’s why she leans on me for support every time she’s upset or scared – I remember, a couple months ago, her university campus flooded and the fire alarm went off at her work, and her very first instinct was to message me and see if I was there. But my heart is in tiny little shreds, and this is making my own emotional issues get a lot worse, particularly as I’m pretty estranged from my family at this point. I feel like my fucking life is falling apart – I’m smart enough to get perfect grades in my exams but I won’t now, because of taking time out to go see her and because of this emotional strain, and my family and me are getting further and further apart, partly because of their disapproval of my relationship with this girl, my relationship is obviously in ruins, I’m feeling more distant from my friends, and my best friend is moving hallway across the world in a couple of months anyway…… I’m whining here, I feel, but I feel lost. I don’t know where to start with picking my life back up, all the while trying to keep my now-ex-girlfriend from going off the deep end, as well as having numerous other friends dependant on me, all the while having nobody to confide in any more. I’m lost.

  21. mr xxxxxx jm says:

    i loved a girl and she broke my heart she still hasnt gone out with anyone else but im still crazy for her what do i do follow my heart or try and move on

  22. Anonymous says:

    Well me and my girlfriend just broke up… She told me there was nomore connection and I asked her do you miss me she answer with a No. We been in a relationship for about 2years I really loved her more than anything wanted married her and make her my we share dreams with each other now it’s all gone my heart is in pain deep pain and she don’t even care I cry my heart out and she laugh and said everything would be okay idk what to do this pain heart soo bad

  23. Painful true love says:

    My bf of 5 years recently broke up with me. I have never felt this excruciating pain that your inside is being ripped and twirled. We had plans of getting married and have a baby. Our relationship has been very volatile and some hard moments that I couldn’t get forget when he cheated on me some years back. I lacked trust in him but I loved him so much that I have always begged for this to work out, always promised that I will be better regarding trusting him but never been able to until I had to forcefully relocate, we had a long distance relationship until I can move back near him. My trust issues have been ok when I was near him but then far away I found out that he said a white lie to me about the woman he cheated with before. I couldn’t take it, all this pain came up very raw and we argued for weeks. He promised me that he lied just to protect me from being hurt or I couldn’t handle it. But the lie did hurt me and as I was far I needed to have details where is everytime so he didn’t like that and he we argued more until he had enough and told me he can’t do this anymore. I feel like because of some trust issues I am losing my soul mate and my best friend. I’ve never loved like I love him and the pain is killing me, I can’t function let alone having to start a new job. I try but then have to go back to bed where I cry day and night. I am still begging him to take me back coz I can’t go on with life without him. We are engaged and I still wear my ring, this cannot be happening and god never felt so much before

  24. meranda says:

    My boyfriend broke up with me because of my travelling habit. All he does now is show my friends nudes pics of his current girlfriend. Knowing very well my friends will tell me. He even moved out of thehouse without telling me. He daen pick my calls or reply my texts. please advise asap

  25. prisca says:

    I loved him with everything I have for four years., he was d only person in dis world that I could be very free with. he always made me laugh nd dried my tears. I went for camp for three weeks and everything changed. he has never been unfaithful all these years. we were the perfect couple that everyone admired. while in camp, I felt like something was wrong. he didnt call as often as he used to and was always too busy to talk to me. when I came bk from camp, I found out he slept with two girls while I was away. I broke up with him. I am so devastated. I have been crying everyday for the past 3 weeks. the pain is not going away. it hurts. I hve lost faith in everything. ..my hopes… my dreams…. I dnt believe in love.

  26. La says:

    Doesn’t it just seem like nobody could ever possibly feel as bad as you feel right now?

  27. No name says:

    I am married with 2 kids and have been having an affair with a man for just over a year. He told me he needed space recently and I am so heartbroken. I lay awake and think about him. I burst into tears and feel so empty. I’m not happy in my marriage and I will leave once I feel strong enough.

    I try not to text him but sometimes I feel so sad that I do. Sometimes he replies, other times he doesn’t. He is going through a divorce and feels a lot of guilt about his youngest child and also feels if I leave, it will leave everyone in a mess.

    He says he loves me deeply but he needs to get his head straight.

    I have never experienced feelings for a man that I feel for him (before the break up)! It’s so difficult to lead a normal life at the moment as I am grieving losing him but also grieving my marriage.

    I will try my best not to contact him now as I feel I’m making a fool of myself. It’s so hard. I can’t function properly and my husband thinks I’m depressed but he has no idea that I’m heartbroken. The guilt is overwhelming :(

  28. Anonymous says:

    Relationships are complicated. One day you wake up in the arms of your lover of six years. The next moment, you find yourself tossing in bed torturing yourself with self-deprecating thoughts. Thoughts of anger, regret, confusion, denial can easily eat you up in one wet gnarly swallow. But that’s it isn’t it? Aren’t we always in the end left with our own thoughts? Like my older adults’ professor and research supervisor recalled “a life without reflection is a life without meaning”. Regardless of whether we are with someone or not we should damn well be sure we are happy with ourselves and take the time to learn from our experience without letting it consume us.
    The truth is there were never any wrongs with our relationship. It simply took six years for both of us to appreciate how inherently different our deepest values were. I have always known that I wanted to live a life and career that would inspire others to live a more meaningful life. My partner only knew that he was passionate about his leisure activities. I kept searching for depth in him. Although at times I caught a glimpse, his lack of introspection frustrated me to know end. I kept seeking for genuine empathy, for understanding that could never exist. Where he believed mental illness to be something easily cured and a selfish cry for attention, I saw it was an internal struggle only supported by validation of feelings and genuine empathy. Where he saw our current society to be relatively equal, I saw both the strengths and the disparity within it. The more I tried to scratch through his belief system, the more winey and clingy he interpreted my actions to be. Consequently near the end I became so desperately frustrated I felt as if I was falling through the cracks of self-loathing. Instead of looking at our relationship in a positive light I looked at its weaknesses and blamed myself in the mirror. I saw only my mistakes, my emptiness, and my insecurities. The more I grasped at him the more he rejected me both sexually and emotionally. In a society where men are supposed to be suckers for any female with two legs, I again took this hard inwardly.
    Although it might seem that I continue to look back in regret, I want you to know I don’t. Jealousy of course yes I do, especially when I see pictures of him and his new gf-barf!. However, I slap myself back into reality and remember I needed things to end for me to understand the wonderfully strong, beautiful driven person I am. Yes I can appreciate my mistakes, my weaknesses. But I think I have spent far too much of my life focusing on these negative qualities. Now I look at myself and I know what I want in a relationship and more importantly I know who I want to be in a relationship. Advice I will forever cherish from one of my greatest mentors. I am not worried about finding a lover anymore, because I know in my heart of hearts I am happy and I am deeply grateful for every lovely moment, experience the universe has presented me. For the first time since winning a race back in my teens I can truly say I am proud of myself. I take time to reflect but more importantly I take time to deeply breathe in gratitude and refocus to the present moment. There is always something to be grateful for. I promise you. Once you find the ability to do so you will spend your days smiling.

  29. Evie says:

    i broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. we’d been going out for 10 and a half months.

    i’ve read some of your stories and some of them are just AWFUL! poor things :( break ups are sh*t and everyone feels like they’re the only one. it’s only a matter of time before the hurting stops and we’ll feel ok again. i’m just pushing through and trying to reach that stage of acceptance and recovery

    he hadn’t done anything wrong, we were just drifting apart. i don’t regret my decision but i’m still extremely upset.

    people don’t seem to appreciate how difficult breaking up is for BOTH parties, the dumpee and the dumper. i know it’s easier for the dumper because it was their decision, they saw it coming, they don’t get rejected and all that, but even the dumper goes through that post-break-up sh*t feeling, that struggling to cope without them and stuff.

    i feel an incredible sense of loss and i miss him already and it’s only been a day. and i feel awful that i hurt him, it was the right thing to do yes, but that doesn’t mean it was an easy thing to do.

    i still care about him and telling someone you love that your relationship isn’t working out and watching them crumble in front of you is arguably the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do.

  30. YuCHan says:

    Hello, im Ken.. Im a woman, but has a masculine name… I just had a break up with my 2years and 3 months boyfriend. It was so painful that I would just suddenly cry especially at night. It was so unbearable that I cannot concentrate anymore on what to do.

    He is 2 years younger than me… He was the first guy that I ever truly loved and the first guy to be introduced and be accepted by my chinese family though he’s not a chinese.

    Everything seem so perfect for our first year in relationship but then he suddenly got numb like im just treated like a friend to him and he doesnt showed any efforts on me. I still love him though he’s treating me like that. He attempted to break up with me several times but I still hoped and stay with him and ask him sorry even though it was his fault.

    he easily got annoyed and this time, he told me that he didnt love me anymore like he used to back then and he told me that he was not on the mood on our relationship.. the pain was so unbearable. All he said was still echoing on my mind up until now.

    if u trully love someone u cant say like that right? i mean, i did everything to still work out. but then he still wanted me to go .

  31. Sarah says:

    Hi i dont know if anyone can help me i was with my boyfriend for over 2 and a half years and he is my 1st love and 1st well everything we both fell in love very fast he told me he loved me just after a few month everything was perfect everyone we knew said we was perfect people joking saying we will be married next year all the time everyone accpeted us as a couple a year into the realtionship we went on holiday with a few friends was great and a few month after that we moved in togther with friends we use to talk about getting married having kids even getting puppys in out own house together recently we worked out when we could afford it all i was so happy we moved into our own house and now am single i dont understand what happened he said that he didnt enjoy coming home to see me no more he wanted space and loads of rubbish really i saw him the other say to pack the rest of my stuff and he was cleary upset we hugged and he held me so tite he i was the one who pushed him off me and wouldnt open up to me he still loves me he still cares for me yet am not with him i dont understand i feel his friends might be involved because they are a typical bunch of lad lads and love everything about been single but he reasured me there is no other girl invovled and he would feel like he would still be cheating on me if he got with somone else and he was cleary upset by this and i have known him that long and i know when he is lying and he wanst am a mess am so heatbroken and crushed i cry myself to sleep everynight and i wake up an start crying am trying to keep myself busy but it doesnt work i went out the other night and i just broke down in the middle of a club :\ am so lost i dont feel like myself no more but because of the other day i have some hope but i dont know if am holding on to nothing

    any help please

  32. Cocoaa says:

    God heals you if you ask. Using Gos is a much faster process than nothing at all. You learn to forgive and appreciate something better comes after the pain. Two people that love each other will fight for the relationship.If only one person is willing to fight you have to let go. It’s not enough love in the heart of the person that’s not willing to put up their half of the fight. Love yourself, forgive them no matter who was at fault, pray as many times u need.Good feels sorrow for you..and one day you will wake up and wonder what the hell was wrong with you.. I’ve been hurt every year and the pain feels the same. And I have moved on each time..Trust in God and pray.

  33. Scarlet says:

    I love him and I don’t want to get over him. Its been the most painful thing I’ve ever had to cope with.

  34. Chelsea says:

    I am pleased to find a forum to ventilate my feelings as I have no-one to speak to right now. I have been experiencing the most excruciating emotional pain .
    I was in a strange relationship with my ex-boyfriend. We dated for two years before I ended things after he cheated on me. I met another person shortly after that, but the relationship was not successful as I was not over my ex. During the time i was in the new relationship, my ex bombarded me with calls to get back together with me. I finished of this relationship in the hope of working things out with my ex. We spoke about our feelings, my ex was ready to jump straight back into a relationship with me and told me that if we did not get back together then, I might regret it. I was not ready and wanted to take things slow and told him that I needed to learn to trust him again. A few months later he stopped entertaining the idea of us being together. He just would not be straight with me. I stupidly moved to the same town as him to change my career as well as being close to him. Our ‘strange’ relationship continued where we acted like boyfriend and girlfriend, but without expressing that we were in an exclusive relationship. I turned down lots of potential dates as I just couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. He denied having or seeing someone else.
    A few weeks ago I discovered that he was expecting a child (who has since arrived) with some other woman and it ripped my heart out. He moved in with this women whilst I was away during the summer break from university.
    I confronted him about it and he did not deny it. He said he briefly dated her some months back but it did not work out. He told me that he is only living with her now because ‘he is trying to do the right thing’ and that he’d wished it was me who had gotten pregnant.
    What breaks my heart the most is we always talked about having kids together and we were trying, but clearly I never got pregnant.
    I am now faced with
    -a major heartbreak for losing the man I loved
    -losing the only friend i know in this town
    -the possibility of being infertile
    -the possibility of failing my exams which are due in less than a week.
    My world is crashed and i cant stop crying. Neither can I concentrate on revising for my final year exams. I am all alone in this part of town and I don’t feel ready to talk to my friends or family as they have warned me before

  35. Sarah says:

    Its been 2 years :( and i still miss him everyday. He’s with somone else now and it hurts so much. we were only together for a year but he was my best friend and i cant imagine finding someone being more amazing.

  36. Jessy says:

    l don’t know what is really going on between me & ma boyfriend becoz he is ignoring me as well as ma calls.Each and every nyt l keep asking maself what l did to deserve this treatment .l never cheated him not even for a single day.sometyms l want to forget him but ma heart won’t let me but inside l know that ma heart is breaking & its really painfull.l’m totally lost l can’t focus.All l can do is to remember the tyms we were 2gether & cry .l need help l wanna get over this pain.

  37. derek says:

    i get all of this except the recovery i jst keep going throo them

  38. Laura says:

    This website has really helped me, I read others comments and I feel like there’s hope because I felt so on my own. So thank you. My friends were there but they all have busy life’s with weddings and babies and to be honest being surrounded by happy couples wasnt making me feel any better.
    He left me roughly 4 months ago after over two years. I wasn’t expecting it even though we’d been arguing but over minor irrelevant things. But every couple argues surely? It wasn’t perfect but that’s why it was. I couldn’t accept it, was deeply heartbroken and Not living but killing time. I became desperate pleading that he give us a chance and work through it, after all we’d planned a future and I honestly thought he was it. My life revolved around him and the ways in which I’d get him back. the pain that he was cutting me out was unbearable.
    I sought help after I missed work and it was noticeable the real me wasn’t around. I let my friends know and told my family who are very supportive. He started talking to me again and wanting to see me. I hoped for the best, that he may take me back but for the last two months he can’t decide whether he wants me or not.
    After trying to prove myself worthy, after the love and support Iv shown him he still didn’t know what to do so Iv had to be strong and decide for him. He’s lost me now because I realise I deserve better and he’s hurt me so much, it should be me who needs convincing!
    And now he wants to see me, now he’s making an effort. It’s just not fair as I still love him so much and I want him, I ache for him. But he only wants me now I’m no longer there. It’s so unfair, he can see how I am and how my life has fallen apart and now I feel he’s playing games. I’m struggling keeping strong because I want to give in and see him. I miss him so much. But part of me thinks, Iv been there for him and when I was rock bottom he was nowhere to be seen. I should move on and focus on finding someone who doesn’t decide if I’m good enough.
    4 months on Iv stopped crying, but the pain is still there. I hate this, I want to fast forward my life so I feel nothing for him anymore. But at the moment my thoughts are absorbed with wanting him. I love him so much. It shouldn’t be this way.

  39. Jason says:

    What can i say…im ok for the most part now 15months later after i fell totally in love with a friend…i didn’t even know until i got super jealous over her and her new BF and by this point she had friend zoned me after feeling alot of attraction for me at first (was mutual but difficult (i won’t go into details)…and when i realised i also knew when i told her and let’s be honest you have to take that chance what her answer would be…im just a friend …it almost destroyed me september 2011 i barely held it together in the day alone….total mess couldn’t stop crying and wondering why i wasnt good enough for her at times i felt like a zombie totally dead inside emotionally drained to the point i couldnt cry any more…early Oct… i had a few days of madness where i considered suicide…then i went into denial and thought if i pretended to be ok i could win her over in the future…all the while keeping my grief to myself ….i had no one’s shoulder to cry on… the bubble broke the 11th of Nov 2011 stupid me…unlike in the past tried to stay friends with her…it was over a simple comment when the subject came up i totally broke down…..i didnt ask her why….she didn’t love me that day but i wanted to….and conversations later i asked her why she friendzoned me i got no answer…..so she probably knows why…it was a bad month i made myself ill over this….time went on i sunk into depression i didnt wanna get up in the mornings as i didn’t want to think anger and hurt stage kicked in and i told her off about it again i kept getting sorry, sorry, sorry..off her but still i stayed friends with her by march i wasnt a total wreck like i had been in private beforehand …i had even accepted the knowledge she had a bf that wasnt me…and was happy for her in a bittersweet way then she split up with him and at the time i was improving looking after myself etc…until may then she told me about this new man….that hurt like it shouldnt have for a friend….we argued it got nasty…afterwards i asked her for space…ie talk once a month….imao it was the guilt free get out clause she was looking for….she basically jumped ship and ignored me as much as possible…then i had a go at her in Aug and she got nasty…we havent spoken since….the enforced break from contact has done me the world of good…i dont know if i will ever speak to Ida again part of me is sad at that we used to be good friends….the other part mad at her…and i don’t know how i feel towards her now…i still have moments such as now when my eyes get wet thinking of her and how what won’t happen now and how happy i could have been but they get less and less as time goes on it is a slow but great healer is time…

  40. here we go again! says:

    well from what i read here today im not alone, basically been with my ex for eleven years through out that 11 years he cheated, flirted,lied went to prison…….. so how eleven years on we are breaking up again ive no idea……. after taking him back he promised he would change and for a while he did we had a second son and were happy content best friends soul mates the lot up untill this year i seen it was starting again him going out n me lying in bed watching the clock ticking by 1am 3am 7am again thinking where is he or more to the point who is he with???? every time he has came bk hes had a cast iron alibi and apology but that doesnt stop the pain in the middle of the night especially as hes done it before so its incredibly selfish of him to just stay out all night drinking and not caring when he has me and two boys at home!!!!! hes now moved out because i couldnt take it anymore he seems to be so happy got himself a new home where as im not a stone lighter suffering pangs of incredible lonliness as apart from my sons i have absolutely no family ,,,,,,, im so daft as through out the day i regret ending it constantly because i miss him so much but then i have to get real and say to myself how many more nights alone would there be too come and how many more lies and even when we happy and togeather i spent my time dreading events such as stag doo’s or work parties because bottom line i didnt and dont trust him ,,, i hope life gets better and the pain stops or atleast fades and im stronger than i think?????

  41. Gem says:

    Hi, im 27 two weeks ago I found out whilst on holiday that my boyfriend of 7 years was cheating on me again ! We was trying for babies planning our lives together!
    I forgave him two years ago for cheating to promised it would never happen again, even hit my name tattooed on his arm!
    I left him on holiday, I’m in shock at the moment, go back to work in few days scared I won’t cope!
    My life has been blown up , yes he is begging me back but I can’t waste my time with a cheat. I’m worth more than that.
    It will be the hardest thing I’m going to go through in my life, but I know there is someone out there who will love me and won’t cheat!
    He was my life , he was useless with money so I paid forest things even the holiday , I mothered him made him a man, well so I thought!
    He is not a man, he thinks with his d***!
    I have lost my lover my best friend my soulmate well that’s what I thought .
    He had lost more than me, he just left his job as he was unhappy, he has no where to live as he lived in my flat, he is in debt!
    I think he cheated because he was unhappy with him self, he knew how useless he was and I knew, but I still loved him still stuck with him as I loved him to pieces.
    I will miss him being around, with we’re best friends I’m just so confused why he would hurt me again, he didn’t realise what he had to lose!
    He does now, he said he is going to get help as he has only ever loved me, but still managed to break my heart a few times!
    I know my life will be better without him, I know it will take time to get over him
    A year maybe two.
    It’s the sadist hardiest thing ever!
    But us women can’t keep rolling over!
    So babies are on hold …. Lucky I didn’t get preg! Maybe that was a sign things wasnt meant to be……..

  42. mahnum says:

    thanks a hell lot every 1 for sharing your experiences it surely helped a lot. i too have recently broken up from a 3 years relationship and having a really hard time. i ended up losing my dignity because i was compelled to beg n just save our relationship because he a very confused guy.
    the worst part is that until just 10 days ago he was in love with me n i could feel him wanting me but suddenly god knows what happened he just ended it n refuses to listen anything.
    i am traumatized n just cant stop thinking about what went wrong and not even getting a proper reason :(

  43. Cherry63 says:

    I have posted on this site a couple of times prior. It has been nearly two years since we split up. At the time I experienced such intense pain, I really wanted to die .. it would have been preferable to the pain I was feelling in my chest.

    Two years on the pain has all but ceased, I go for days now not thinking of him which is great. I do feel sad but I am more sad that something so beautiful has ended and I am coming to terms in my head that I will never hear from him again and that I shall never contact him again. That is sad. I do wish we could be friends but at this moment in time I know being a friend to him would do me no good.

    I tried dating again but have realised I am not quite ready for another relationship. I found myself comparing dates to him and it made me cry so for now I have put that on hold but I am happy not to be dating, I would rather wait until I am completely healed and can give my heart to somebody who is worthy; I have met some fantastic guys but they are more keen than I am so rather than mess them around that is on hold. I am content as I am.

    Time has helped to heal me and even if I do not meet anybody again that is ok at present, I would rather be by myself but free from the pain that I experienced when my heart was well and truly broken.

    So my message is hang on in there. Having your heart broken is not all negatives. Look at the flip side. It shows you have the emotions to love. From something painful do as I have and use it as a learning curve. Look at yourself as I did, take stock and try to use it as a way of improving yourself. I looked at my flaws, where I went wrong in the relationship, I examined why I acted and behaved the way I did and why particularly was I drawn to this particular person. I have done a lot of introspective soul searching, read up on relationship matters and will try to do better ‘ next time’.

  44. Phina says:

    I don’t even know how to start but these last few months has being a hard fought ones for me. I met my boyfriend about 10yrs ago and we became really good friends and we never thought about dating or anything. He met this other girl but we remained closed and say about 5yrs ago we decided to give it a try although he said to me that it will never work. I felt like a stupid person but still gave it a go and we were ok but he never wanted our close families and friends to know about it. I told few of my friends and they were not happy but then again i never listened to them as i really loved this guy. Anyways, i later found out that he was engaged to this other girl and they have even started their wedding preparations, i felt played by and confronted him. He said he didn’t tell me because he was protecting me from the pain and before i know it, they have fixed a date for their wedding and he was jetting off to the event. I felt paralyses and confused, i lost weight and the will to live again. When he was away, i sent him emails and told thanked him for using me and how i didn’t want to remain in contact with him however when he go back, we met up and talked about the whole situation. He claimed i never told him how i felt about us but then again he never saw any future for us, that he loves me but not that kind of love. I felt like my heart was being ripped out but i sat numbed and listen to his reasons. After that meeting, it was as if everything kicked off and we became really close again and we would spend so much time together but recently i found out that the wife is pregnant and i was thrown into the deepest pit. The whole situation has left me feeling hatred towards pregnant ladies, i can’t go to a wedding or listen to certain music or even watch certain programmes. My whole life was wrecked by this guy and he doesn’t seem to understand. I tried several ways to get him back and all he says to me is that he doesn’t love me in that way. My friends are so upset with me but then again they understand how i feel because he was my everything – my driving instructor, a friend, listener, someone i can complain to, he chooses my dress for me, just anything you can think of. He calls me upto 10times in a day and we can talk all night and still go to work in the morning. I loved him with all my heart and i just feel done by.

    Its still hard for me to move and i have gone through these stages several times and still stuck. Some nights are very painful to get through and what’s really sad is that he’s still part of my life. He turns up at my house without prior warnings and even calls me to arrange for us to meet or go to church and i will stupidly oblige. I know these things has to stop but i am powerless and feel very vunerable. I recently started counselling and i hope this will help but things are very hard for me. I can’t put time and weight on my pain but i feel so raw.

    reading thorugh other people’s stories makes me think twice on love. I still think that i don’t fully understand the full meaning of love and why a loved one can decide to chopped you up even in your most vunerable time. I often remember the old saying which says that time is a great healer and i just hope that it will one day heal mine.

  45. YG says:

    i see it has been a while since anyone posted a comment so let me take this forward. This site has been a massive help to healing my broken heart and reminding me I still have a life to live.

    I will keep my story brief as I want to focus more on the positives. Six months ago I let someone go thinking I was doing the right thing and they would have a better life with someone else. It was only after the event that I realized I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. Even more so when she met someone else, got pregnant and decided she would marry him. Only then I told her how I really felt but to no avail, she had moved on and had a new life to live.

    My world just stopped moving. I was numb inside. What was the point of living, of working or doing anything when that special person was no longer in my life to share everything with. I didn’t wanna see anyone, talk to anyone, or eat. I couldn’t smile, concentrate or sleep. I found this site and read all the stages and thought ‘yeah right’ my life is over this is how I’m gonna feel for ever. I would cry at night and in the car on the way to work. I prayed to whichever God or higher power I thought would listen, I even prayed to the devil for her to come back into my life. She was on my mind 24/7 and nothing else mattered not even my family. I vowed never to fall in love again if this was the pain it caused. I thought and even tried of ways to get her backbut to no avail, she had switched off from me telling me I had my chance and I had pushed her away, away towards someone else. The knife in my heart just twisted even more.

    I decided to let all my aggression & grief out by crying, telling everyone and joining a Total Combat Martial Arts Class. I spoke to all my friends and opened my heart, something I have never done in my life as I have always seen myself as invincible. It was three months later when I remember waking up one morning and for some reason I felt okay, sad but ok. It didn’t last and the heartache came back but I constantly questioned myself ‘why did I feel ok that morning?’. I came back on the site and looked at others. I asked everyone I knew about being in love & heartbreak and started to realize that I had not been singled out but was actually part of a very large ‘club’ a club no one had actually asked to join.

    Six months on and the first stage has subsided. Although she is now pregnant and livingnwith her new man I actually don’t wanna cry any more. The sadness is still there but my own life is taking priority again. As much as I still want her back a small part is asking would it eally be the same if I had her back? the feelings have definately changed, I miss more what we had rather than having it back. I never thought I would get passed that first lonely, empty, i don’t wanna live anymore stage. But I have. I don’t know what my next stage is but until now I couldn’t even bring myself to write about this.

    I know what helped me is this site, talking to people (anyone even customers at my work), crying, taking out my aggression (in a controlled enviroment) and forcing myself to be with friends. If anyone wants to contact me feel free yazgee@hotmail.co.uk

    Maybe I will update this in a few weeks/months time and see where I am then.

    Take care and don’t ever lose hope.

  46. Heartbroken says:

    My girlfriend has recently broken up with me after four great years together. It has only been 10 days since it happened and I have been struggling to come to terms with it. We were fine 2 weeks ago and then three days later she rang and told me we that it was over. I couldn’t believe it I literally burst out crying and couldn’t deal with her decision. The next day she changed her number and deleted me off Facebook. We still have not spoke since and it is really getting to me. I have tried to work but I can’t stop thinking about her. I never want to have this feeling ever again. It’s nice to know that other people are feeling the same way as I feel as it is comforting , even though I would rather you all not to have to go through this! This is going to make me a stronger person in the future!

  47. kay says:

    i loved him his all i eva had ma family never wanted to see him …. wil 4eva love u bt i hve to be strong and move on with my life

  48. Lazypieman says:

    HI Stuart, Sorry to hear about your situation I know when you hear those things it can really hurt, I have been there myself and understand the dark thoughts that you are having, but i can honestly say that its not worth it. It does get better, but you need to give yourself some time to heal. Going through exams is also very stressful, have a read through the site and I hope it helps. If you are still having thoughts of suicide I would advise you to speak to a proffesional counsellor, as they can really help put things in perspective. Good luck and stay in in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

    Thanks Mike

  49. Cherry63 says:

    I wrote on here back in February 2011. It has been just over a year since my last posting on this page. Since I wrote last I have been to see a counsellor about my grief, I found it very helpful to be able to speak to somebody about how I felt. In November 2011 my ex contacted me, gave me mixed messages so I sent him a text asking him not to contact me again and that I shall not be contacting him.

    In a moment of pure weakness I did send him a hi wish you well email in April 2012, got a reply but I left it at that and have not contacted him again.

    I look back at how I was when we split, I was a wreck. I put on over a stone, have shed 101bs so far, got promotion at work and generally when I am busy and occupied I do not think of him which is brilliant, I never thought that day would arrive. I even went out the other night with a colleague, the first time I have gone out for a drink in the evening.

    I have joined a few dating sites but have come to the realisation tonight that I am not ready to date and I accept that I may feel this way for a good couple of years yet for forever long it takes to heal.

    On the whole I am content, my energy goes into making my flat nicer, I do a lot of decorating and spend most of my money here.

    Sometimes I feel foolish for still having tender feelings for the ex; I am sure he would think me silly as well but it is as it is.

    I do not ruminate as much as I did, going over things time and time again, the anger I feel towards him for hurting me is diminishing so slowly slowly, even if I do not date again I am feeling a whole lot better than I did a year ago. I have made great strides.

  50. the girl who waited says:

    yes i know my name is a doctor who reference but i am i do wait for him. i hope one day he will turn up on my door step and take me away but deep down i know he doesnt excist and i cant bare that. i have never even met the man and i feel all those feelings and sometimes the pain is unbearable. i once blamed god for him not being real. i just wish he was i could never say these words aloud only type i couldnt even write incase someone saw and thought i was crazy and maybe i am but i believe. i believe in the man i love. i believe in the doctor.

  51. Lazypieman says:

    Hi Lulu,

    I’m glad you find the website useful. With all break ups they do take time to get over, I know how hard it is, the best thing to do is keep yourself busy with things you enjoy and talk to your friends. I do think that it would be worthwhile you seeking some professional help as well, a counsellor will give you much more personal advice to your circumstances and they can really help. I wish you all the best; I promise you will get over this.

    Mike

  52. Sid says:

    So i’d known this girl for about 3 years, we were very close friends. I always kinda had a thing for her, only problem was she had a boyfriend, who happens to be my best mate. Obviously i would never do anything to betray him, but i think she felt the same way about me. She would always confide in me when she felt sad or lonely. Then, last december, they broke up, and she moved away. Despite my feelings for her, theres kind of an unwritten rule about getting with your best mates ex, so, reluctantly, i decided it alone, and move on.
    However, over the next few months, she began messaging me, more and more frequently. She would tell me how much she missed me, and how she really wanted to meet up. At first, i just kindly made excuses, telling her i was busy etc. I still thought it was too soon. Then, about a month ago, sends me a bold message, listing an exact date which she would come visit ( a weeks time) she also pointed out that she needed to sleep at my place that night. Now, at this point, i was sure she liked me more than a friend. I mean, she was willing to take a 3 hour coach trip, which would cost over 100 quid, just to come see me for a day.So against my better judgement, i agreed.
    fast forward to the date, i met her at the station, and she was clearly VERY happy to see me. we had dinner together, then moved on to a pub. This whole time, she was very open with me about her feelings, telling me how lonely she felt, her bad experiences with men and so forth. Then after a few drinks, the conversation suddenly got a bit raunchy. She began talking very in depth about about sex, and the things she liked. This was a whole side to this girl i had never seen before, and i have to admit, i liked it.
    We later moved on to a club. While we were rockin’ out the dance floor (as ya do) We began to get very close, she never took her eyes off me, and never stopped smiling. As the evening progressed, i decided it was time to make my move.

    Then, something happened…

    Before i got a chance to move in, her mood suddenly changed. She got very quiet, before saying she wanted to go home. This confused me, ALOT. I couldn’t figure out wether i did something wrong. So anyway, i took her back to my place, and then, she started to cry. It turns out she had some form of anxiety attack, which is why she suddenly wanted to leave. I could honestly understand what she was going through, as i have suffered panic attacks in the past, and they are not nice. So i comforted her till the early hours. I know it sounds selfish, but i was actually quite annoyed because i really wanted to kiss her that night, and seeing as she was so upset and her mood had completely changed, i felt that i’d missed my chance.

    Then it got worse. Despite the fact that she originally arranged to spend an extra night, she insisted to go home that very day. At this point, i thought it was all over. so fast forward again, i walked her to the station where we said our goodbyes. Then, she locks me in a very passionate embrace, which lasted a good 20 secs. Then, as shes just about to leave, she jumped in for a second hug, this time coupled with a strong kiss, then she left. Now at this point, im not sure what to think.

    Later that day, she text me, thanking me for being such a good friend. That, crushed me… Then, the next day she text me a really long message, talking about her day and that she was still very upset, and that she wished i was there to hug her. So i decided to go all or nothing, and i proposed to come visit her, just as she did me. She said that would be great, although i should give her a few MONTHS while she sorts herself out.

    and here, ladies and gentleman, is where i am today. Did she just blow me off? does she genuinely need that much time to sort things out? either way, ITS DRIVING ME CRAZY. I really have no idea what to think. If she sees me as just a friend, why did she go through so much effort to see me? why the constant messages? She must have known how this would mislead me. i have genuinely never felt this way about a girl before, spending that day with her only confirmed that. So i feel like absolute shit at the moment, i just can’t stop thinking about her. Now i realise that my problems are minor compared to some others on this forum, but its still one of the worst pains i’ve ever felt. I really need some advice.

  53. Sara says:

    I know one dayill be better and move on but right now it hurts sooo bad ive always been strong but now im more weak than ive ever been it scares me..

  54. Sara says:

    Me and my bf broke up about a month ago. We met on fb and we.never actually met I know its stupid well we were together for 9 months and.i gave him my heart my everything I dont think I have ever loved a boy so much im 16 and im a mess im broken beyond repair I broke up with him bevause I needed to get closer to god and he didnt beleive in the same things.i did and.he.didnt support me and then the next day I realized I needed him in my life, we were so in love we skyped everyday talked for hours fell asleep on skype together but whrn I told him that I wanted him back he was like idk so we decided to take 5 days off from eachother to just think, well it got to like day two and he facebooked me and told me that he thought we should just be friends and we were for about 2 weeks then on our 9 month aniversaury he asked me back out and I said yes then the next dat he broke up with me because he didnt feel it anymore, that all happend about a month ago but gosg I loved him with all my heart he moved on two days later but I realized being his froend just caused me heartache and I keep having breakdowns where I cant even breath and I feel soo lonely and it hurts.so much. Well I decided not to talk to him anymore cause by being his friend and knowing he moved on and that he doesnt love me anymore and all of that hurts me soo badly so I havent taljed to him for two days but I still get this feeling of loneliness and it eats at me. Im thinking of getting on anti depressents so maybe it will help but I dont know….i hate this pain i want to be happy and get over him and be myself again but ontop of all of this my parentd just got a divorce and I lived with me my dad my three sisters and my little brother well when my.parents split my step mom took my two little sisters my little brother went back to his mom and my older sister moved out and now it just me and my dad and we just moved to new mexico where we know no one and I feel so alone at first I had zach my ex and he was here for me and I didnt have to feel alone but now hes gone and I feel more alone than ever u really dont know what to do antmore…i hate the hurt its eating me alive I really need some advice…please

  55. Lulu says:

    Guys you have helped me a lot I thought I was the only one feeling worthless heartbroken, feeling like nothing can make me happy again. I’ve been with this guy for 2 years and we broke up 5 months ago and I still need him and want him I feel like nothing is worth living without him I love him so much but he don’t feel the same I have his name scarred into my arm with scars everywhere I cant live without him it’s like I need him in my life. We still argue and I cry myself to sleep every night I’m so heartbroken I feel nothing, worthless, empty, it’s like hes taken my heart and hasent given it back I have no idea what to do help?

  56. jenny says:

    Unceremonisly dumped by the one person ever in my life 26 years together and two kids and over 2 years now and I am stuck with this terrible weight of sadness I carry around I feel my life is spoilt unable to move on living an existence of caring for my children and with every step I take with them a constant reminder of the man I love who betrayed me with another woman who has no remorse for aiding the destruction of my marriage with two failed marriages under her belt already. I feel worn and cast a side unable to love again hating every minute of every hour when does it end?

  57. jeane says:

    lost the man i loved through me being nasty and needy he is wheelchair bound and told me last week he loved me then last night that he didn’t he won’t answer my texts,phone calls or emails just told me not to contact him any more,
    .How can he change so quickly he said i sent him abusive emails which i didn’t he wanted to be just friends because he said i stressed him and he couldn’t cope but now he doesn’t even want to be friends this has all happened in 2 weeks from loving me to not wanting me how do men tick

  58. Duzolation says:

    zvakaoma kwazvo……..its a unussual experience …. howeva we have to cope up….after all life goes on ……….

  59. Wangari says:

    This is for Meh and Kelly and anyone else of us who gets themselves in addictive, corrosive relationships and call them love. If love feels bad, if it stops us from functioning normally, if it hurts, it cant be love, it can only be a form of sickness. There is a book called ” Women who love too Much” I cant remember the author in case anyone needs me to confirm for them the author i will do so . It has helped me move on and break the trend of forming sick/bad relationships.

    Love should be sweet and respectful of our human dignity otherwise other versions are something else not LOVE.

  60. Mbali says:

    He broke up with me because of me. I love him so much and its so hard for me to get over him. Every night I cry longing to hear his voices and him telling me how much he loves me. I never knew that it would end up being this way all because of myself not listening. how does one get over the father of your kids? He became my everything with him in my life nothing seemed impossible,he fulfilled every space in my heart. My question is how do I go back to fixing all this? I always wished to have a happy family since I experienced being raised by a single parent,I only wanted the best for my kids still do.I just don’t know how all this started.

  61. sharon says:

    I’m in the early stages of my breakup.we’ve bn together for 10mnths and he left me pregnant.its so hard,not coping depresssed bt I knw I wl get over it.ws deeply in love trusted him him bt he betrayed my feelings.its so hard to forget someone who gave u a lot to remember

  62. Greeninkathon says:

    Its been 19 years and I’m still hurting. Ready to give up on life. It will never end.

  63. Susie Hart says:

    I kind of knew things were not going right, I kind of instigated the break up then when he dumped me its been hard. Was with him for six years, we lived together. When I met him I thought he was the “one”. How wrong could you be? We spilt in December 2011 but its still really, really hard. And to add to it all I broke my leg two weeks after we split. I’ve never needed him more. He didn’t bother asking how my leg was or visit me in hospital so it shows to me it was the right thing. To get over him, I’m getting out and about and dating again… even although I’m still in love with him.

  64. Stephanie says:

    My boyfriend of 3 years left me on Saturday. I thought he would come back but last night it happened. He said he isn’t coming back. He said he does not feel anything for me anymore. I have no idea how I’m going to cope. I love him more than anyone else I’ve had relationships with and now he is gone. We spent everyday together for 3 years. I just feel physically ill. I have absolutely no idea how I’m gonna get through this.

  65. angel says:

    Thank God for the net. I now know I am not alone. There are others who have gone through this and I WILL SURVIVE! Though it really hurts!

    God does not give us more than we can bear; this too will pass.

  66. philip says:

    another thing that is really helping me to cope is exercise.

  67. philip says:

    Just broke up with my girlfriend last week. Really struggling to cope with it. I think i´m still in denial and hope that we´ll get back together. I´m not as bad as I felt a few days ago though. It really does help talking to people. The most painful thing was the day we said goodbye to each other. We were both crying, knowing that it was the last time we´d be together as a couple. it was so awful. definitely the most painful thing I have ever experienced. the memory will haunt me for a long time.

  68. Anonymous says:

    Thankyou this has helped me and given me faith that the hurt wont last and it is ok to feel pain – i feel i am slowly letting go of the most painful experience i have ever had to deal with – its time for me to say goodnight and goodbye to pain and the hurt i felt

  69. Hollie says:

    I know this sounds silly but I thought I wasn’t normal for feeling all of these things, so I am glad I’m not a psycho and not alone in feeling these things.

    My ex really messed me up, we were only together for 3 months but I’d fallen for him before we’d even got together (we worked together) then once he had me, he lied, would hurt me, and he cheated, then told me it was all in my mind.

    Until one of the women he was cheating on me with contacted me asking why we’d split because she thought he was cheating on her… turned out he was married too! And seeing 2 other girls. How could I have not known?

    I felt so foolish.

    I’ve recently got talking to a lad mate who I really like, I let how my ex treated me affect things with him and now he’s told me to do one. Now I feel heartbroken. He doesn’t want to know and I know I have to accept that, at the minute I keep thinking if I say this, it may win him over but I know deep down, I’m only making matters worse for myself and driving him away all the more.

  70. susan says:

    This is for Kelly,Poor girl you sound so lovely and kind. If that stupid selfish man had any idea of the quality of lady he was losing he would run back to you in a second. I dont think he will realise this for a long time. Although Ive never been with a man who smoked drugs and went to jail my sister has. In fact your story sounds similar to hers. She stuck with him through all his bs and now, years later hes married a Thaii woman he found on the net. He thought women like my sister were ten a penny. Little did he know. Just like you they are rare, he will find that out and when hes had enough of being lonely and very very sad he will realise what he gave up.
    This is what I think. the majority of men think that there are lots of women out there who will put up with them and love them as much as the woman they left. They cannot and will not value the rarity and beauty of that woman. Years later after lots of rubbish relationships they realise the blame is theirs and they are going to be old and alone.
    Most men do not see intrinsic value in women. they devalue the love and support that the woman give sthem. They fall out of love as they see the relationship as dull predictable and boring. Then they mistake that for FALLING OUT OF LOVE!!!
    They havent fallen out of love, they have simply started to take that woman for granted and no longer value what she does.
    You cannot change this. I cannot change this. He is a total jerk. A loser. He must be aloser Kelly, he lost you. You are special and strong and wonderful and he screwed it up with drugs and prison. How pathetic is that?
    Did you do that? Did you mess with your childs life? No. he did. Would you have ever done anything that took you away from your child and put you in JAIL!!!!
    No. he did. Kelly my mom told me the other day that Im missing the relationship, not the man. Shes 71 and she said that he occupied me, filled my time. Now hes gone Im sad and lonely but thats because Im missing the interaction with another person who was there a lot. She made me question what I thought I was missing out on and I realised she was right. It was simply having him there. Im 46 Kelly. You are a chicken. A lovely young woman with a lovely little kid. You are going to be so happy in the future. I guarantee that if you keep that twit out of your heart you will,be available and open to real love. How can someone who smokes weed ever make rational decisions?
    I know what Im talking about as I have seen it in my family. Weed messes up your head and heart. Hes not worth your life, love or time. Not unless he gets off that stuff and makes a concerted effort to stay out of jail and work to pay for his child.
    Until or unless you are well out of it. One day, this year you will see that. It wont take that long. I promise. In fact if you are tough on yourself and him it should take two months max. Stay pretty, stay strong and you will forget he ever had the power over you that he had. One day you will laugh at his behaviour because you will see he is less mature than your child.

  71. Pippa says:

    I have been split up from my boyfriend of 2 yrs for over 3 months now. I instigated the split but then when he accempted it I was deeply hurt and heartbroken. I moved out and went to live back with my family. I didnt hear anything from him which made me panic, i sent text messages but had no reply which hurt even more. A week after our split I phoned him and told him the split was all my fault and I was sorry and I want to come home. I told him I loved him and felt like I had lost everything. To this he replyed that he still loved me but he couldnt do it anymore and that it really was over.

    I suppose at first I was in denial that out realationship was over. Eventually I began to except it. After that phone call I didnt contact him again because I knew the rejection would hurt to much. As the days and the weeks go by I feel better all the time. I do every now & then have bad days tho. Today is one of those days. But all I can hope for is that things get better & that one day I can totally forgive myself & him for the pain. One thing I do regret is telling him it was all my fault. There is never smoke without fire. I tell myself everyday that after every storm there will always come a rainbow.

  72. Willmeister says:

    Yeh, I have to say, heartbreak’s a bitch. There was this girl I had a huge thing for. She was incredible. From a distance and up close, I knew I had to talk to her and knew we would never be together. It wasn’t a lack of self-esteem lol. I got it kicking off during freshers week. Haha the best moment was when I met her on the bus on her own. I asked why was she all by herself. She said she didn’t know. And I said someone like her should never be on their own. There should be a crowd surrounding you! haha But back to that bit about us never being together. It was just my instincts. Anyhow, I became friends with her and tried to help her out as best as I could. She asked help for her economics one time and I tried my best to help lol. But I made a right arse of myself in front of her and her friends. OMD! I had my folder out and I didn’t know what I was drawing on the paper because I was completely captivated by her marble round eyes! That was probably the first and last time she asked me for anything directly, via a text.

    Then I guess I looked forward to seeing her at the University bar or at a club in town. I would never forget the time I got her to have a dance with me. It was only for a couple of minutes, but to me, it was like the peak of the next three years in Uni. Haha then my friend had a thing for her friend, who I didn’t really notice until my friend made me see how ‘hot’ she was. So, I guess I tried to use that as an excuse to get us together, you know, on better speaking terms. She always seemed so detached, quiet and mysterious. So my friend and I had this vision about one day, the two us going out with the two of them, and the four of us bumping into each other in the house! They’d be fighting for the bathroom while the two of us looked at each other (as in my friend and I) with a huge, cheesy grin on our faces.

    Another time we had was outside the lecture hall. It rained big time and I lent her my umbrella. She then gave me an umbrella cover a couple of days later. I would never forget the way she approached me. I was at the front of the lecture theatre and she was at the back. I pretended not to notice her coming or waving because I was told I looked ABSOLUTELY ridiculous when I was around her. My euphoria was worrying, apparently lol. SO she gave it to me and then we went for coffee. Oh, another moment was when i got her a birthday card. I wasn’t even meant to be in the lecture and I passed her card down the row she was in. The envelop was pink and everything haha. What was I thinking! lol Still, I suppose stuff like that still brings a smile to my face.

    Well, this was when things started going downhill. I was looking through some of her photo albums on facebook and wooooh! I saw a couple that really made me see my own folly. She was with this german skinhead in all these ‘dodgy’ places. That, along with what she said about East London being her favourite place because of the clubs, made me realise she wasn’t the sweet, innocent, and shy girl I knew. I heard stories too about her doing this and that every night. Well, don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with someone enjoying themselves. But there’s a fine line between having a good time and going ‘all out’ all the time. What really worried me was the fact that she had two different personas. One of them was for outside the club and the other was for, you know, clubbing. Then there was this manipulative side coming out from her. I guess I started seeing layers upon layers unfolding, which is kinda ironic because that’s how this narrative’s turning out!

    More things happened after that. She brought two guys I knew were dodgy home with her. I was, well, completely bewildered by why she would do something like that. I kinda got the feeling she was humouring me the whole time…not leading me on because I wasn’t good enough for that lol. Still, I tried to speak my mind and treat her with respect and consideration. Again with the umbrella and revision help. loool at one point, I even offered her biscuits on lv4 in the library because I thought she’d be hungry at midnight. Me in the tacky blue raincoat made an impression to her and her A&F wearing friends I can tell you! Food became a big topic of mine. She said something about being able to make a potato salad and I thought, ‘you have got to be kidding me.’ I sent her my crappy receipes ova the summer and invited her to mine for some quick, 20 min cooking (without the microwave) before the end of the semester. I remember buying her some meds because she kept saying she had a migrane. Lol she probably meant she didn’t want to see me tho…

    So yeh, then came the poetry. I guess I wanted to use what I felt to take my poetry to another level. I was really selfish twice if i recall correctly. The poetry was after when I tired to get with her ‘hot’ best friend my friend liked at the club. She was there and there was a part of me that wanted to solidify the fact that we were now just friends. I feel bad about it to this day. I dont know what went ova me that night. But I thank her ‘hot’ friend’s friend. She knew I was too drunk for me own good lol.

    Back to the girl that broke my heart. I guess her rejection really hit me hard. I asked her out via a text knowing I’d be rejected. I did it not because I wanted to be with her, but because I wanted her to break my heart. I wanted her to stop me from loving her any more before it got any crazier. Those ‘dodgy’ pictures really got to me.

    The real heartbreak happened today because she hasn’t changed. She’s as manipulative, callous, snobby, two-faced, and wild as ever. What’s really bad is the predictability. She rebels by conforming to the typical forms of rebellion. How can that be rebelling against ‘the system’? She conforms to one in order to rebel against the other.

    I deleted her before because I knew it was for the best. Then I undeleted her because I thought maybe one day she’d need me. haha imagine that. But I kinda put my foot down tonight. The thing is, I know I’m not the kinda guy she’s into. That’s it. I don’t want to be either. I mean, I still feel bad about not being there for her ever again. But she’ll cope. She coped before. She probably struggled with my so-called ‘intensity’ for a year and a half lol. My best female friend used to describe me in that way because she had no other way of describing of eccentricity. I said it was love. She said it was intensity. But she could never agree on the assertion that it was an intense kinda love. haha

    So, now that i’m back on track by focusing on my work, and she’s, well, as quiet and indifferent as ever, would this all count as a ‘happily ever after’?.

  73. elizabeth666 says:

    Hi

    I recently split after a 32 year marriage he was the only man I have ever loved the only man I have ever spent time with. We did everything together, no one was more shocked than me when he told me he had been having an affair with my friend, I totally trusted him. I was heartbroken, trust had been broken not only with my husband but also a friend.

    We want to remain friends, he constantly rings me and calls around the house, friends tell me to tell him to push off, but I want to remain friends with him. Iknow he only ringing and calling me out of guilt I suppose, but he said I am the best friend he has ever had and he does not want to lose me?

    I have cleared the house of all his belongings, I have re-decorated the house from top to bottom, I have put away all the photographs and the memories that we had, I sit and talk to a couple of our friends, but they must be sick of me crying and going over and over what he has done. They too are at a loss as to what to say because they too are hurt because of his betrayal.

    I am enjoying reading the site and the comments that you are putting on and I seem to be doing everything that you are recommending, but its the lonelyness I cant stand, after spending 32 years with someone and sharing the same friends its hard to start afresh, but I am trying and I hate to say it, but now I feel friends are perhaps pulling away because they dont want to take sides and basically they are leaving both of us to, so not only have I lost my best friend and lover I am also losing friends and I hate it.

    I hope you do get over a broken heart, but at the minute it does not feel like it, but I would like to say thank you for the things you have put on here because it shows that I am doing everything right…. your one thing that I am doing wrong, is by keeping in touch with him (well rather he keeping in touch with me) but part of me does not want to ever lose touch with him, but the other part says I know I have to..

    thanks

  74. Jasmine McMurdo says:

    3 months on after our break up. Glad I found this site, especially the explanation of the stages you go through after a break up. I really loved my ex, truly did, I hope one day when there are no ulterior motives for contact eg me wanting to ressurect the relationship that we can chat as friends. At the moment I am in between stages, feeling sad that we parted, coming to terms accepting he will never contact me again and finding myself feeling extremely angry towards him for calling time on the relationship …. well it was a reconciliation really. The reconciliation never worked however I remained in love with him and now have the job of healing my heart. I am trying to be logical and looking at the part I played in this, my faults and not just lay the blame at his door. I try to look at the whole picture and think to myself if I am feeling sad I am sure he is feeling sad and try not to hate him for not contacting me, I try to understand, look at the big picture that he may not be contacting me like I am not contacting him because it is too painful. Valentines day today was hard, I felt extremely sad, wanted to cry at work but held myself together. Time is a healer I know that having said that I recognise at the moment I do not feel to date anybody again for a long long long time. Love takes a long time to fade, I cant just stop loving him because he called time on our relationship. Nevermind there you go. I have to survive.

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