How to get over a break up

There are a number of simple things that you can do to help yourself get over your break up:-

Talk – talk about the break up with friends and family, confide in them, cry with them.  Talk about every little aspect  of the break up that troubles you, getting it all out in the open really helps and you will often feel better after this.   They are there for you and they know what you’re going through as nearly everyone one has experienced a relationship break up 

  

Eat or not to eat? – this is a tricky one as some people will starve themselves after their break up while others will binge eat to oppress their emotions.  My advice is to try and eat as normally as possible.  Binging or starving yourself will make you eventually feel worse.

We know sugary treats always make us feel better, however the last thing you want to do is pile on the pounds.  And you won’t be getting the vitamins, minerals, essential fatty acids etc that we all need.

So try to eat as healthily as possible have a look at the following links for healthy eating hints and tips:-

http://www.eatwell.gov.uk/healthydiet/eighttipssection/8tips/

http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/healthy_living/nutrition/

 

Take things easy – it is important to take each day as it comes after straight after your break up, as you feel emotionally and physically drained.  Break ups are a major change in our lives and it will take time to adjust, so take it one day at a time and some days will be better than others.  But it will get easier, promise!

 

Write – There are a couple of useful exercise’s that really helped me recover from my break up, they may help you. 

It can also be useful to try and see your relationship from an outsider’s point of view, so write a letter to yourself about your relationship as though it was your best friend writing the letter, and try to be as honest as possible.

You might say something like ‘I never thought they (your ex) were right for you as you were upset a lot of the time and they always took advantage of your kind nature’.  Sometimes we are really good at giving advice to others but do not listen to ourselves as we are too caught up in the emotion of it, this exercise gives you a more pragmatic view on your own relationship

 

Remove the pedestal – it is so easy to idealise your ex, they can do no wrong in your memory. They were perfect were they? I very much doubt it there must be something that annoyed you, write it all down. 

Write down every little thing that annoyed you, and be brutally honest. Keep this list and any time you think about your ex reread it, again and again until you believe that you are better off without them. Why not write this list on your mobile, and then it’s always to hand

 

No contact with your ex straight after the break up!! – This is one of the hardest things to do, but you need to start letting go, stop emailing, stop texting, stop calling, stop all contact!. Remove them from Facebook, Bebo, Myspace. Twitter etc.  The last thing you want are continual tweets or facebook updates of your what you ex is doing. 

This doesn’t have to be permanent but for at least a few months after the initial split. You can make a decision whether or not to remain friends later on once you have had a chance to recover and recuperate your thoughts after you have fully dealt with the break up and are ready too. 

If they are contacting you, ask them politely to stop as this is not fair on you as the break up was their decision.  This is probably the hardest step but a very necessary one, remember you were fine without them, before you met them, you will be fine without them now.

 

Change your routine – If your like me then you may have got into the routine of texting ,calling or emailing your partner at a certain time each day.  You may also have key dates and days that you associate with your ex i.e. their birthday, Valentine’s day etc.  Well it’s now time to change your routine as much as you can, find others things to distract you and make a point of doing these things at those times or dates that remind you most.  This will seem really hard at first and these days are bound to bring back fond memories, however you will be suprised how quickly you will start to slowly move on and adjust to your new life.   

 

Try not to isolate yourself – It’s easy when you’re feeling heartbroken and lethargic to stay in by yourself and wallow in your own misery, try not to. Easier said than done I know, but get out the house, go see friends, go out for the evening. Believe me the sooner you start to return to life the sooner you will feel happier, this may take time but keep trying, your happiness is not lost. 

The first few times you venture out socialising can feel very daunting, especially if you had been in your relationship for a long period of time.  So make sure you go out with friends who understand your situation and that will help you through it.  Try not to go to places you and your ex went, for now, try something new different from your old routine.

 

Join the gym / go jogging, cycling etc - Last thing you want to do I know, but the benefits are unarguable. Exercise releases a natural happy hormone which will aid in your break up recovery and you will hopefully feel more relaxed and happier.  Its good way to spend your newly found time instead of thinking about the break up and you will also get fit, and just think how good you will look if you bump into your ex!

 

Be selfish and enjoy your newly found spare time – Do the things you love, go see a film, go watch your favourite team, start a new hobby, try horse riding, travel, try snowboarding, learn to ride a motor bike, you are free to do what YOU want, enjoy!

Look at the live again section for more ideas

 

Listen to music “Avoid break up songs” – Music is amazing and as you know can instantly change your mood.  So why not make a play list of your favourite feel good tunes and listen to them as often as possible, trust me this helps and will lift your mood.  Avoid break up songs and heartache ballads and also songs that remind you of your ex, they will only make you feel worse. You want those songs that make you feel glad you’re alive; the ones that make you jump around the room or bring a smile to your face.  Music is highly underestimated and can have a real positive effect on your mood.

 

Altered image- It may help to alter your image slightly as this can enforce your brains perception of the new you and reiterate the fact that you are moving on.  If you can afford it why not splash out on some new clothes, try a new style to suit the new you, plus you will look great if you bump in to your ex.

If you’re feeling really daring why not go for a completely new hair style (it will grow back). You may be surprised at how different you feel after a couple of small changes.

 

Forget previous break ups – It’s so easy after a break up to let previous break ups and losses enter your thoughts, all of those previous insecurities and doubt about yourself can come crashing back and make this break up so much worse.  But you must try to separate them in your mind, each one is different.  After a break up we become stronger within ourselves and learn to cope with change and diversity better, so you should be proud that you have let yourself love again. And the same goes for this break up, you will learn from this break up and become a better and stronger person for it. You will love again!

 

Tidy up -  I bet that’s not what you wanted to hear, but cleaning up can be surprisingly therapeutic after a break up.  It helps in a couple of ways, firstly it gives you something to focus on and by doing so your unconscious mind will have time to think about and deal with the break up, there is something therapeutic about putting things in order.  And secondly your place will be tidy, always a bonus!  If you come across your ex’s stuff or photos just put it all in a box and shove it in a cupboard for now until you can deal with it all properly later.

 

Organise nights/days out with your friends- One of the biggest fears I had after my break up is the fact that all of my close friends were in relationships and that no one would want to go out (the older you get the more common this becomes).  But if you take the lead more often or not your friends will follow, here are a few ideas.

 

Don’t turn down opportunities – It is so easy to sit at home and wallow in self pity about your break up and incredible heartbreak that you are feeling, this is normal for a few days.  But the sooner you dust yourself down and pick yourself back up the better you will feel.  Get back out there again, don’t turn any opportunity down, if someone invites you out, go out with them, even if you don’t feel like it.  Opportunities happen everywhere and are often best when unplanned. Watch ‘The Yes Man’ with Jim Carrey you will get the idea!

 

Remember to laugh – Sometimes it feels like you will never laugh again, thoughts about the relationship and break up can really take their toll.  Help yourself laugh again and put on a DVD of your favourite comedian, or TV series.  Go and see the person in your life that is guaranteed to make you laugh, believe me you will feel better for it.