Comments on: How to get over a Breakup

By: Jenny

Jenny — Fri, 06 May 2011 08:00:03 +0000

I have just split with my partner of 7 years, we have two small children and it has all came out the blue really! He told me a few weeks ago he didnt know how he felt about me any more and he was considering moving out, he said he wanted to give it another go for the family’s sake. I was gutted, but tried so hard to make things ok but felt like i was the only one trying and he has just given up!
He has been spending time with one of his old friend (female!!) and i didnt feel comfortable with this but didnt feel like i could speak up as didnt want him to leave me. After trying to check his phone a few time i eventually got my hand on it and there was a txt from her came through. Needless to say i went mad and asked him to leave. It all makes sense now- not saying they have done anything as didnt really have the chance but the texting is bad enough.
It has only been 5 days since i asked him to leave and its HARD!! He has been all i have ever known since i was 17 and now having the two children (aged 1&3 ) it just makes things harder.
Now i have found this site im going to keep reading it to remind myself i can do this!! I just wish all the feelings would go away but i know i need to deal with them to get over him.
It feels like i will never get over this at the moment but im just looking forward to the future and being a good mum to my two beautiful children and being a better person after all the hurt is gone <3

By: Tina

Tina — Tue, 03 May 2011 09:08:23 +0000

I broke up with my boyfriend beginning of March after nearly 8 years together. What hurt the most is immediately he started dating a woman who he always claimed was just a friend. It kills me to think of them together and I cry everyday and nights are the worst.

I have to realise that the relationship I had no longer exists and having come across the site today, im hoping and praying the next weeks ahead get easier.

By: Max Achola

Max Achola — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 20:22:06 +0000

wow, didnt realise there was so much info on breakups, thought i get prepared, seeing as am heading for one; yap, its like bracing for a bumpy ride and all you want to do is fast forward to the part where you get better. So help me God.

First piece of valuable advice i have received is to believe what someones says to you e.g. ‘I am tired of ths relationship’, ‘I want you out of my house’ etc. If you dont listen and understand them when they say it, you will regret it very soon. Lets just say peoples words to you are like traffic signs, Steep cliff ahead requires that you slow down and change route if you value your safety. Lesson learnt a bit too late i may say.

the crying, goodness! i wish there were some serious eyeglasses that let you cry in public given the automatic wipe a tear function and illusion of sexy perfect eyes that conceal even the puffiest ( LOL if there is such a word) of pairs. Now that would come in handy.

I dnt know abou the talk to people part, the last girlfriend i talked to ended up consoling my ex in very unexpected ways if you know what that means, so i may be a great candidate for pouring my heart in encrypted code away from prying eyes, though i think just reading them on the good days does bring alot of laughter. Maybe i should get them published, then again the movie “Bestman” is a good warning, hmmh i should publish in Chinese!

The best thing i can say is its good to know you are not alone. Other people have gone through it before. Its like pounding rain that carries away the rubbish and brings back the clean air once its gone. this too shall pass.

By: Karen

Karen — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 06:55:52 +0000

My boyfriend of 4 months has been distance for a little while, and I’ve just found out he’s been facebook messaging and texting someone who he claims is just an acquaintance with children the same age as his with whom he will set up a playdate. Well Ive read those facebook messages and they are quite flirty. So, he hasn’t actually finished with me yet but I know its coming and Im already grieving the loss of him. I know Ive only known him a short while but he came on the high recommendation of very good friends as someone that would be honest and truthful. I fell in love with him, hook line and sinker and as he seemed so honest, I put up none of the guards and barriers around my heart that I know I should have. Think I need to be the one to end it as this is just pergatory. waking up in the night and first thing in the morning and have it all flooding back is just sickening. I havent eaten for 4 days and am just going through the motions with everything. This site is really useful, its good to know Im not alone in my heartache.

By: fiona

fiona — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 15:20:31 +0000

Hi mike
know exactly how you are feeling my ex is just not interested and I have tried not to contact but its something now I have to face up to. I understand that he want’s space but I just think its a polite way to say get lost. Today was the icing on the cake for me and I am going to try my hardest not to contact him. He knows my feeling etc so if he wants he will have to do the chasing, I am so low I need to realise that the experience I have gone through over the last 8 weeks will end up breaking me for good. Well done for seeing the light if that makes sense?

take care

By: MikeTDI

MikeTDI — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 08:47:54 +0000

Thought I would comment again….
A week or so on since my last comment and I am feeling a bit better allready. Not 100% better, but getting there. I have had some contact with my ex. I stupidly texted her at the weekend saying how much I missed her. She rang me back right away and we spoke for nearly an hour. We were calm and civil. I expressed my thoughts and feelings and explained that after 3 weeks of being apart ive had some proper time to think exactly what I wanted, and that I want to make a proper go of things with her. But, she still doesnt want that. I couldnt say or do anything to convince her, nothing worked. She said she missed me like crazy, still loves me, thinks about me every second of the day, cant even bear to think of me (or her) with another person, but she has too many doubts in her mind that it wont work long term. Ive given up once and for all. I have tried till im blue in the face to repair and resolve things but shes 110% made up her mind that it will never work. I have no choice but to accept her decision and ive decided to never contact her again. No point in chasing after somthing that is not there. I would just be torturing myself, and her. I just wish I could stop thinking about her. Shes the first thing I think of when I wake up in the morning, shes on my mind constantly all day, shes the last thing I think of at night, and im even dreaming about her. I do want to forget her and I do want to get over her, im just really struggling to do so. I know what has to be done, keep busy, etc etc, so much easier said than done. Yet I know in some time in the future I will look back at now and think to myself how I ever felt this way. I guess now its a times a healer thing. I just wish that time would hurry up.

By: James

James — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 15:29:55 +0000

Very supportive to read these comments. I felt my own heartbreak as unique to me but in fact it’s so common (all my friends have experienced it and one value is that it makes you better able to connect to loved ones who also may have to undergo this). My partner of only 8 months announced he now ‘loved me as a friend’. In truth I let things slip – wasn’t as loving as I could have been; nor he to me. Then after he broke p with me I went away on holiday thinking we might try again and he gave me all the reassurances. On returning he agreed to do so, saying that he loved me, and then four days later emailed me to say that whilst he longed for me and wanted to spend time with me it could never be a “relationship’ or ‘partnership’ again. Mixed messages I guess but I just couldn’t compromise like that. I told myself I deserve better than that. My friends and family have been fantastically supportive but like you all, I miss his presence in my life terribly and have so often almost called him. It’s not easy to put all that love somewhere. But the truth is he didn’t deserve me. He bottled it. He couldn’t come to a decision. And I need to remember not to blame myself but to move on, bring what I’ve learnt to the table for someone else. tomorrow is another day! James

By: fiona

fiona — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 14:58:17 +0000

Hi
I would like to say how helpful this website has been, I have printed off some of the articles and have been reading them for the last 2 days to try and get my head around my situation.

My partner of 2 1/2 years came back from a skiing trip six weeks ago and said that he didn’t want to be with myself and my 2 children.

I went through a bad divorce pervious lost my house and had to go bankrupt.

I felt that I had meet my best friend soul mate and lover all in one go.
He helped me get my life back on track and how to help my children get over the divorce
After a year he said he wanted to move in with me, I was advised by friends and family that it was too soon and my children still hadn’t meet him but I decided it was either now or never, you only get one crack at happiness and I thought we was.
After he had won my children over he seemed to lose interest and would moan about kids programs being on the TV and they should watch telly upstairs.

I would ask my children not to make too much noise when he came in from work as he had a stressful job.

But still I wanted it to work between us, I taught him how to have a relationship with his 3 grown up daughters and how to not be bitter about pass partners.

He still had the freedom to see his mates and go away on sporting holidays and nights out.

I have a very social job but he didn’t like me going out after work and due to the recession I stopped travelling the world, he said that he was glad as he felt he could not deal with me being away.

I gave 200% to our relationship and I really didn’t see this coming, I have been left utterley heartbroken and can bearly function. On top of everything we rent a house together that I can’t afford on my own, he has told me he will carry on paying his half until the contract is finished but I feel I don’t want to be there anymore and don’t want to have to rely on his help.

It is just like going through my divorce all over again except I am losing someone that I dearly love, I know that time is a great healer but I wish the pain would go away.

I have some great friends and my mum is great support and they are all trying to help me and be an ear at the end of the phone but god its so hard, not to call or text him.

By: MikeTDI

MikeTDI — Wed, 09 Mar 2011 10:32:08 +0000

Great site. It’s helped me so so much. Me and my ex of 2 years broke up 2 weeks ago. She finished with me for reasons that we both let things slip in our relationship. She said I didnt do enough to assure her of a future, this is true I didnt assure her enough, but I did want the same things as she wanted, and with her. I got lazy in certain aspects and I deeply regret that, but im not holding myself to blame for everything. There were reasons why I got lazy. I was left feeling extremly inadequate in that whenever I made plans for me and her daughter and my ex to do things my plans would not be taken seriously or even considered, they were just dissmissed right away, so I stopped making plans for us to do things. This type of thing happened a bunch of times. I felt she ruled the relationship. I had no say in anything, it was allways “be here at this time and do this”, and if I ever raised questions over it then all hell broke loose. Whenever we had a diss-agreements I would calmly talk about it, she would scream and shout, get worked up then when it was time for me to have my say she would instantly throw me out of her house. Each time there was a problem she would want to throw the towel in and give up, not talk and work it out. Never wanted to do anything with my mum. And the one thing that hurt me the most……I met her parents before she met mine, I kept asking her to come and meet my mum and dad, she kept putting it off and putting it off, yet for me to meet her parents was not an issue. In the end she never met the one person in my life who I loved the most and allways will….my dad. He passed away. And that hurts me so so much. To think she didnt want to meet the idol in my life, and she never did, because he passed away. Looking back at it now I just feel like I was a rag doll used as and when. Told what to do, when to do it, my family never mattered it was most important that I put 110% in with hers. She wouldnt even come and visit my mum at Christmas, nor come to the cemetery with me to visit my dads grave at Christmas. Typing this is making what she thought of me come to life now.

By: Dawn

Dawn — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 19:12:04 +0000

Hi! I would like to thank all of the other contributors to the posts ; it does help to know that you are not alone at a time when you DO feel particularly alone. I feel a bit of a fraud, given that my relationship was not long standing, as many of the aboe were, but it really mattered and I felt I had found my soul mate, the man who was going to be my partner for life. He seemed to be a gift from the gods and was kind and caring but some aspects, I found almost impossible to bear. I would welcome other peoples’ views and advice, tips etc… currently am feeling desperate and barely able to function. We had met many years ago at university and although he was always appealing, he was only a vague acquaintance. we met up again and he became the focus of my every moment… but – he does a job which takes him to America often, works for an ex, which involves him staying at her house whilst they do business. Then, at the weekends, he stops at the house of an ex, who he also lived with, ran a business with, gave the business to and still talks to on a daily basis…. she has the password to his facebook account and even set it up – it is she who selects and inserts pictures and the last two have been him with her daughter, the most recent one was posted within hours of him landing in LA… and the first thing he did was take her to lunch. I don’t understand why it is necessary for him to actually stop at her house but he just thinks I am being unreasonable. The latest thing, which caused him to tell me to “THINK WHAT YOU WANT. DO WHAT YOU WANT.” was that she is dropping him off at the airport. To which I replied that I would not be the one collecting him from Heathrow under these circumstances…. To be dropped off by one and collected by another would just be too weird and I know I would not be doing the same in reverse. Both of these exes are married but this does not stop me feeling tormented by the whole situation. Does anybody else find this unreasonable? To me, it is hurtful and even if I am being irrational, why does my hurt or pain count for nothing? In every other respect, he is great and my kids love him. He is as if tailor made for me, we have so much in common and he always mades me feel worthwhile – apart from this. It is hard to be at home, knowing he is stopping with one or other of his exes