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Moving out after a break up

Break ups are bad enough, but when you live with that person it can all be too much.  Not only are you trying to juggle the emotional grief of the break up, but you also have to approach the practicalities of finding a place to live, or even just stay for a short term while you sort your head out.  This can feel so much worse if you’re the person in the relationship Moving after a break-up - Over it your free break up guidethat’s not used to organising such things.  So here are a few tips on how you to cope.  

Break down the tasks – First thing to do is take a deep breath and break down the tasks at hand.  By doing this the overall task does not seem so daunting.  Make a list of all the things you need to organise

Evaluate your options

  • Do you need to find somewhere to live quickly i.e. can you stay with mates or your family even if it’s just for a few nights?
  • Can you book a hotel room or bed and breakfast to give yourself some time to think?
  • Do you know someone that you can live with, permanently?
  • Can you rent a place, short/long term?
  • Are you willing to house share?

If you’re lucky to have multiple options and are having trouble deciding which choice is right (sometime simple decisions seem insurmountable when you are emotionally and physically drained this is normal), make a pros and cons list to help your decision process

 

Avoid long term commitment while you are recovering from the break up initially – It might be worth avoiding long term commitment like buying a house or flat at this stage or getting a pet for company for example, as your life will go through many changes over the next few months as your goals, dreams and routines all change, sometimes unrecognisably.  You are probably not in the best state of mind to make such a large decision about such a big commitment; you can always re-evaluate in a few months time.  For now just concentrate on your recovery and keep your options open, an amazing opportunity may be just around the corner and by not having any long term commitments you have more opportunity to explore different ideas and experiences.
Renting – A lot of people say that renting is dead money however it definitely has its advantages like not being responsible for house maintenance like the boiler breaking or the roof leaking.
It also gives you more flexibility with your own circumstances, you may find that you want to go travelling in 6 months or relocate to another location for work, renting is an easier way to achieve these things, especially in the current economic climate.

If you have not rented before you need to speak to your local estate agent who will be able to help you and explain what you need to do.

 

Organise – Once you have decided where to live you may want to start thinking about the following.

  • Making a list of all your possessions and splitting your possessions with your partner
  • What you will need to purchase after you have split everything, fridge, freezer, washing machine etc.
  • Booking a removal van or hiring a van (and convincing your friends/family to help)

 

Picking up your things after the split – If you are picking up your things from your ex’s place try to do it with a friend when your ex is not around.  This will make it easier on yourself and will avoid any awkward moments bumping into your ex,  moving out can really bring back memories, and if your ex is around it can easily lead to arguments or more grieving over the relationship.  Even if your ex is there still take a friend as you will be less likely to get hung up on the emotional side and be more practical about what needs to be done.   This is one the hardest days of the break up as it really finalises things, it can really set you back, this is completely normal, but remember to carry on the exercises on the how to get over a break up page .  Try to stay positive and be around people that you are comfortable and that know what you are going through.

 

The big move – Moving into your new home is really daunting as you are going through a lot of change already and it can feel strange without your ex around, especially if you are moving into a place on your own.  Invite friends and family around to help you get yourself sorted for the first couple of nights.

This stage can feel very lonely as you might be used to doing everything as a couple, this is normal and eventually gets easier.  Personally I really started to enjoy living by myself, weird at first but you quickly adapt, so many people I have spoke to agree that living alone has its benefits.  You can bring back whoever you like whenever you like, or watch or listen to what ever you want, things stay where they were put, sounds trivial I know, but you start to gain a real sense of freedom and independence and often learn more about yourself.  I absolutely loved it and would recommend it to everyone to try.

Once you’re in your new home try and enjoy it, why not hold a house warming party or start organising a weekly get together with mates.  You now have the party pad as it were, and your friends that are in couples will soon be knocking on your door looking for some lovely single sanctuary.

This is the first big step in getting over your break up and when your all moved in you should, and hopefully will feel proud of yourself.  You can now start to live your own life and recover properly from your break up and start your single life afresh.



What household bills will I have to pay?  – You may have to pay any combination of the following, depending on what type of property you are renting.  Your estate agent will be able to let you know which ones are applicable.

They are normally as follows:-

  • Rent / Mortgage
  • Gas / Electric
  • Water rates
  • Sewage
  • Council Tax
  • TV license
  • Phone (land line)
  • Broadband
  • Satellite / Cable TV
  • Contents insurance

You may have to pay connection or installation charges when you first sign up with a supplier.

 

Paying your household bills – The easiest way to pay your bills is by either setting up a direct debit or a standing order as this will automatically debit your bank account, you can change the date of debit though so that it comes out straight after your pay day, that way you know you have money in there to cover the bills.

What’s the difference between a direct debit and a standing order?

 

Direct Debit – Is an agreement between you and the recipient, allowing them to take money out of your account for a set amount that they denote.

Direct Debits are often a major factor in getting people into debt, because they aren’t aware that people may try to take them more than once, and may be taken slightly before or after the specified date. This is especially true around bank holidays, when payments may be taken before or after the holiday. Watch out!

It is worth noting that if a Direct Debit has been taken incorrectly (for example, more than the stated fee or if you’d already cancelled the Direct Debit), the Banking Code, to which all banks subscribe, means that you are entitled to a refund from the bank under the Direct Debit Guarantee.

Direct Debits are usually used for variable price bills between an individual and a company. For example:

  • Paying quarterly energy bills
  • Paying off a credit card bill
  • Paying a mobile phone bill

 

Standing Order – A Standing Order is set up by you to send money to a specific account on a specific day.

It usually takes three working days for money to trabsfer between accounts, less if the recipient happens to be in the same bank as you. You can set up a Standing Order by completing a form from your bank, which will include the recipient’s details and the date the money is to be taken from your account. Remember to allow for the three extra days if the money has to be with the recipient by a certain date. If there is a bank holiday the payment will always be taken the working day after the holiday.

The money for a Standing Order is taken from your account around midnight on the morning of your chosen date. If the funds aren’t available the Standing Order won’t get paid – it’ll be up to you to sort out a different method of payment – and your bank will usually charge you a one-off fee. You can usually cancel the Standing Order in the days leading up to the payment but not on the day itself or the previous day.

Standing Orders are often used for fixed-price bills between individuals. For example:

  • Rent to a private landlord
  • Paying money to a specific person
  • Paying back a Student Loan


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