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Life after your Ex

The relationship was a big part of your life and it will take a while to readjust to your single life without your ex.  But it’s not such a bad thing; thereare plenty of positives about being single.  You are now free to do whatever you want, whenever you want to do it, that’s a pretty amazing position to be in if you think about it.  Complete freedom and independence, not knocking your ex relationship, but independence and freedom can be a very uplifting and liberating experience, so try to enjoy it.    

So what if your ex is not around to share your new experiences, they may not have liked the new you anyway.  There are not many times in your life when you experience this level of freedom, so now is the time to do all of those things that you have always wanted to do.

Going out again – Why do I need to read this I know how to go out?   – Yes we all do, but it’s so easy to get caught up in the old holding pattern of doing the same old things that you did in your relationship.  After your relationship it’s nice to experience change and do different things, that’s one of the benefit of being single, it will also help your recovery process

Now depending on your age will depend on your social circumstances in terms of going out and enjoying yourself.  Generally when you are younger your mates are single and are always out partying anyway, so it can be easy to jump back into the social scene.   Your mates will love to see you again so get out there.

Sometimes it seems as though everyone around you are all in couples and coupled off, this was the situation I was in, normally happens when your older, although I am only thirty.  This was a genuine worry of mine; the fact that I had no one to go out with, as all my close friends rarely go out and when they did it was always in couples.  So what do you do?

No couples allowed – Without being harsh but the last thing you want is to be hanging around happy couples straight after your break up, so try to just invite your friends without their partners, to be honest you may still want to talk about the break up and that’s a lot easier with just your good mates around.

Hang out with different people – Hang out with people outside of your immediate social network.  If someone invites you out for drinks after work, go for it.

Don’t wait to be invited – “No one goes out at work though”, so become the social organiser its easy, it’s one of the easiest ways to earn brownie points at work as well.  Your colleagues will love you for it and you will probably improve office/work moral, all with a night down the pub.

Organise a day out with friends/family – Organise a day out or night out, there’s so much to do and try.  Having new and different experiences always help get over a break up.  Stuck for ideas?  Here’s just a few

  • Go for a day out in a city you have never visited before, England has some great cities and towns
  • Visit a theme park for the day
  • Treat yourselves to a day pampering yourself
  • Organise a picnic at the park with games maybe
  • Go to a snow dome and learn to ski or snowboard
  • Shopping for the day
  • Try wake boarding
  • Visit an exhibition or museum
  • Get on a train and go somewhere you have never been, random I know but always fun
  • Go ape – adult assault course which will get your heart racing again

Book a Holiday – Even if you don’t have anyone to go away with travelling alone can be more fun than when with you are with someone.  I went to Australia and also Canada by myself and had a great time and met some really cool people that I still stay in contact with now.   I stayed in different hostels and would highly recommend them, they are cheap and affordable and a really great way to meet people.

If you don’t fancy the hostel thing, I understand, there are great single person package holidays out there.  Where you and a group of other single people all go on holiday, an easy way to meet other like minded people, and I bet you will have a whale of a time.

Hobbies are a good way to meet people – Find a class in something you have always enjoyed or would like to try.

  • Learn a musical instrument – Why not learn to play an instrument or learn to sing, after all people are normally at their most creative after heart ache, a lot of the best love songs have been written after break ups
  • Join a sports club, football,  cycling, netball, basketball, badminton
  • Photography lessons
  • Learn to become a DJ
  • Try some different classes at the gym

The good thing about joining a class or club is that you normally meet other like minded people who enjoy the same things as you..

Go to a Music Festival – If you have been to one, you know why I am writing about this, they are an amazing experience, if you haven’t been book a ticket now.  They are great fun; especially if you are single you will have a great time!

Living in the UK means we are spoilt for choice with festivals, there is one pretty much every weekend for the whole of summer.  Glastonbury is a huge festival catering for many different genres of music, but you have V, Reading, Tea in the park, Bestival, The Isle of Wight festival and many, many more.

Getting out and about again really helps and keeps you busy, before you know it you will be so busy you wonder how you ever had time for a partner.

 

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9 Comments

  1. Ellie says:

    I’m only 17, but my girlfriend of two years left me at the beginning of last week (I’m gay). We’d spent the weekend planning out our uni plans together, and a life beyond that. I felt that she was my soul-mate, even despite the constant cheating, and physical, emotional, and verbal abuse she gave me. I made every effort to make her feel special, loved, needed, and cared about, from writing her songs, to buying her little things (like her favourite crisps, or a spread she said she wanted try) because I knew she’d like it, and she’d know I was thinking of her.
    Last week, I was so happy it was ridiculous. Then, she said ‘we need to talk’. Instantly, I felt my heart drop, and as she told me that she didn’t, and NEVER had loved me. She said I was irritating, pathetic and a waste of life.
    I’m now left with not a friend in the world, trying to work out how to get myself together.
    I honestly can’t see myself falling out of the craaazy love I feel for her; but I REALLY hope, with the help of this website amongst others, I can. Thanks for the help.

  2. bongo says:

    my ex left me 4 months ago ……after a rollercoaster of a 10 year relationship with about another 12 years of friendship before this…..you can’t tell of all the pain but it was and is nearly tangible…..even after all this i struggled so badly to accept what was but have ended up on antidepressants…..just to say …i will get through this though it’s been a nightmare of emotional …physical and mental pain ….never knew one person could hurt another so much……here’s looking to the future ….godbless all you broken hearters!

  3. philly says:

    My marriage of 8 years came tumbling down on me 2 months ago ,the worst part is he had done this before and against my instict warning me i continued for the sake of our two daughters.i now realise i could not have saved my marriage no matter how i tried.im hoping to go overseas and study pastry as soon as i can save enough money.being an african woman you are raised to abide by your husbands rules no matter how many swollen lips and blue eyes he gives you.i might feel lonely now but at least i am not under his fist and hear how useless i am.thank you for the website.

  4. lesley says:

    My relationship has been over for 7 weeks. He was, i think, playing an emotional game that backfired on him – he wanted us to lve together. he is very needy, and I knew i couldn’t be with him the whole time – we said at the beginning we would be committed – but keep our own homes. he has 2 small children, who are pretty screwed up between 2 warring parents – and his ex is frankly wierd. I did not want to be caught up intheir wars – or live with kids that are rude, have eating issues (from their mother). We had been together for 10 months and he texted me to tell me he was ending it – out of the blue and just before a holiday we had booked. Within 3 days he was texting saying he had made a mistake and couldn’t live without me, made a couple of suicide references, but would not meet to talk face to face. I cancelled our holiday – and he went off on one on his own “he needed to get away”! the last time he contacted me – he texted shortly afterwards asking ME not to contact him again as nothing would change. It hurts and I miss him, though deep down I know he is playing emotional games. I have not heard anything since – 3 weeks ago now – but I feel that things are unfinished, and jump everytime the phone rings. I am determined not to contact him – although I feel pretty bad today – it is the eve of our cancelled holiday.

  5. Dessy says:

    Am going through a bad and rough time in my life. I got married some few years ago and my husband has to travel to better our lives like he claims. He’s living with a woman in his life just to get what he says would make it easier for him. I started another affair behind him just to ease the pain but my heart is now shartered as the boy friend treats me like i never existed and my husband is now gone saying that i was cheating on him. I just hope i can go through all this and come out of it still alife.

  6. kim says:

    it was my ex who has actually gave me this site….although i was with him for only 3 years he was my soulmate and we have 2 babies together, he has left before but always came back this time was for good though as he has met someone else even though it hasnt even been a month yet, this website has helped me, and glad to see im not the only one who feels this way, i know my pain will never get any better but i will learn to live with the hurt. thanks

  7. Jacqui says:

    I have been extremely low after my husband of 17 years walked out on me and my 2 young sons. Like others on this web site i keep blaming myself for him going. I found out 3 months after he left that he had been seeing someone at work and had probally been doing so for ages. It has been some time since he left and perhaps i should be ‘moving on’ by now?. I keep reading the word ‘Forgiveness’ and how it will help. I know that he would like us to get along and possibly be friends but I know that this is what he wants, it would make him feel better and less guilty. Because of this I am cold and bitter when I speak to him. The stupid thing is that the only person hurt is me. He does not appear bothered at all.
    I have taken comfort from this web site reading what others are/have gone through. Thanks.

  8. Carole says:

    Reading this has been just like reading my emotions if they could be printed. My husband of 14 years just walked out. Told me he wasnt happy and it wasnt me it was him. Then I got his phone bill. What a liar. He has now left and has admitted that he has someone else. I am still at the stage of thinking was it me. Could I have done something to prevent this happening. I am 56 so is not easy to get back into the whole social thing. Anyway. This site has been good to check that I am not alone in how I feel. Lets just hope that I can get over it like you did. XXXXXXX

  9. Belinda Campbell says:

    Ok, I’m back…some time has passed, and I do still have tears, and I do still feel sad (especially since I saw my ex on Thursday but didn’t speak to him), but I am better than a few weeks ago…. I have booked a holiday (well two actually to take me to the end of the year), changed my gym from 01 Nov 10 onwards (for that ‘new’ feeling), noticed other guys noticing me 🙂 Basically, I’ve been swimming a lot recently, and now starting to look much fitter 🙂 I have been eating a lot of healthy food, not drinking much alchohol at all (just smoking far too many ciggies). But things are getting better… I even joined an internet dating site, but not sure about that. Have been chatting to someone who lives miles away!! Still, it’s nice to chat to him. Reading this again some weeks later, has encouraged me to leave another message, and I will be back again… hope it helps others….

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